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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship problems.

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Unhappy ???? - June 25th 2010, 06:39 PM

welll i have had this friend for a long time now we kinda started to have feelings for each other an ended cause of a age problem.. but continued to be friends. once i got my license we desided to hang out a few times an stuff happend. then we got in a argument i started likeing this other guy an some stuff happended with him an but now its not working. then me anmy friend starting caughting up an is mad an saying i have to havesex with him to prove that i did care for him an that he is better than that other guy??? ugh idk what to do he would be my first an i dont feel like im ready but i care so much for him an dont know what i would do so i am asking for some advice on how i should deal with this??
   
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Re: ???? - June 25th 2010, 06:43 PM

If he truly cared for you, he wouldn't pull the "if you loved me, you'd have sex with me" card. That's perhaps the oldest trick in the book as far as attempting to manipulate someone into having sex. Honestly, whether you're ready or not, sex shouldn't be used as a way of proving you care for someone, as there are plenty of other ways to show it, such as buying a sentimental gift, making something special or even flat-out telling the person how much they mean to you. I strongly advise you against having sex with him; as harsh as it is, he'll use you and it's quite possible he'll make a beeline to dumping you after. =/ No one who truly and properly cares for you will ever make you have sex to prove your love or devotion to them - no one - and especially when you're not ready. Trust me, if you have sex with him, especially since it's before you're ready, you will regret it and that's not a good position to be in. My best advice would be to tell him to get the fuck out of your life - what quality of a friend would pressure you into fucking him? =/ - but if you're not ready to cut contact completely, then I would bluntly say you shouldn't have to have sex to prove you care for somebody. Say no and stick to it, because I can only see this ending in tears and heartbreak for you.
   
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Re: ???? - June 25th 2010, 06:56 PM

You need to tell him straight up that you don't want to have sex. Make your feelings clear if he really loves you for more than just physically, then he will get over it and everything will be okay. If he gets mad you need to think about if you want to have this guy as your boyfriend. Any time someone pressures you to do something important such as sex and you're not ready to, it's a big red flag. Tell him that if he respects you he'll stop pressuring you in any form. Last thing, you will always remember your first time let it be with someone the loves you and respects you.
Good Luck.


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Re: ???? - June 25th 2010, 07:03 PM

"Age problem"... does that mean he's an adult and you're a minor? It's bad enough that he's trying to manipulate you into having sex with him... it'd be another thing entirely if he was also trying to do that to a minor. Honestly, he sounds like bad news... if you have to think this much about whether or not it's a good idea, chances are it's NOT.




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Re: ???? - June 25th 2010, 09:28 PM

Hey there.

So, as many have said before me, I would recommend against having sex with him. I mean, he should not be useing your feelings for him against you. The frist time you have sex you should WANT to do it, not feel forced in anyway! Sex is very serious and many this age difference is making him forget the fact that your not ready for sex. By the way, kudos to you for knowing when your not ready. Really, thats awesome.

Relationships can get really messy sometimes. Its hard to really make everyone happy all the time. My dad tells me this quote, "You can be please some people all of the the time, all the people some of the time, but you can never please all the people all of the time." Think about that in terms of your relationships. Pick your battles. I don't think this is a good one to pick.

Take care.


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Re: ???? - June 25th 2010, 10:58 PM

Do not have sex with him to prove you love him.
Trust me when I say that.
If he loved you he woudn't push you.
   
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