boyfriend help!!! I don't trust him.

[brokenmercy]

I was living with my boyfriend when he decided he wanted to get a better house. So he was going to move back in with his mom's and I would go womewhere, since school was still in and I could not change schools again. So I called an old friend up and he said I could ctay with him as long as I needed to. Well he was an ex of mine. We had dated a year ago and he had been telling another girl he loved her via texts. Then we broke up and I found I was pregnant with his baby. So we started talking about getting together. And were going to. Then, the very next day, he is with another girl. He did not call me or try to get a hold of me. For a year I hurt because of him. I ended up losing the baby. So he got lucky I guess. I didn't want to move in with him, but I didn't have any other choice but to. I had no where to go. Well the very first night, old feelings came back and things happened. And now, it's almost like we are dating again. I mean we pretty much are. But I still have like no trust for him. After what he did to me. Then, there is the fact that all of his friends that are girls are sluts. And he wonders why it pisses me off when they call him. And he is leaving for college inAugust, and I can't go with him because I have to finish my Senior year of high school. So I have a feeling that he will get to college and leave me just like he has done before. Or just cheat on me. I mean every friend he makes that is a girl, is a bad choice. So how amIsupposed to trust someone who turned their back on me a year ago, screwed me over, and lied to me? I still hurt from what he has done to me. I need help. I don't know what to do. I mean it would be different if he had never given me a reason not to trust him.

[Jackkk]

What about the boyfriend you were living with. Didnt you cheat on him then?

[brokenmercy]

yes I did. it has been the onlt time I cheated on anyone. And I felt horrible about it. I told him about it. And he didn't know what to say at first. Then he got angry. Then he said we could work through it. I told him i didn't know if I wanted to or not. I had been feeling like I didn't want to be with him, however I didn't have any place else to go and I am still in school. So I had to be with him. Which sounds horrible I know. But what else was I supposed to do?

[Jackkk]

You really need to sort your head out. You are saying you are getting upset by what people are doing to you. You are really messing with that guys head and it really isnt fair! Decide what you want and stop being such a hypocrite. Cheating is the most hurtful thing you can do to somebody in a relationship.

why dont you go and live with your parents until you decide what you want. It is really unfair to be with someone for the reasons you have just given. Sounds to me like this guy could be quite nice.. This ex of yours has treated you like SHIT and you cheated on your boyfriend with him. He is still willing to be with you while your ex just wants to sleep with you. You need to get your priorities right i think.

[PSY]

"Ouch!" in response to what Jack said... but he's got a point. You really need to take some time to figure things out. If you want to keep living with your ex- (now current) boyfriend, that's your choice... but don't lead this other boy on. If you want to work things out with your previous boyfriend, then find somewhere else to live. If you don't have any family members or friends in the area, get a job and become a part-time college student, or take a semester off and work full-time so that you can afford the rent for the following semester. If those aren't options for you, then you may want to consider changing schools (or going to community college for a semester) while you live elsewhere with a family member or friend. There's also financial aid you can apply for (since it's June, it might be too late for FAFSA/grants, but you can still apply for student loans). I know the economy is tough right now... but that doesn't mean you have to sell your soul to the devil in order to maintain your current way of life. There are ALWAYS options... surely living with a traitorous ex-boyfriend isn't the only one?

[glitzmomma2009]

I see that you are only 17 years old. Why are you so financially dependent on these boys? You said that you changed schools "again" Where were you before and what happened to you to put you in this situation? Why do you have no where to go?

[brokenmercy]

my mom is disabled and cannot take care of me so my sister has custody of me. tha's why I can't move schools I can't even move my bus stop because the school boards thinks I am staying with my sister since my mom is unable to take care of me. plus I believe she is on really hard drugs again. My dad is a sexual predator. And the rest of my family is pieces of crap. I am trying to sort things out. However, I am working on getting a job. Just got a car but I still have to replace the head gasket before I can drive it. I have been putting in applications for two years now but I have moved so much that it is hard to get one. I have messed my junior year in high school up so bad because of moving so much. I can't do that my senior year. And I can't just take a year off of high school. Trust me as soon as I get money, I will be getting my own place and being with just me. However, my ex [the one I was staying with] isn't perfect either. He is very young minded and makes very stupid decisions like moving out. I had begged him not to go but he would not listen to me and he regretted it right after he did it. But it was too late, we had already told the landlords that it was done. That we were leaving. Trust me I know cheating is bad. And no I am not leading the guy on. I don't need criticism. Just help. Jeez I am my biggest critic. Why do you think I am on here? I asked for help. Not to be yelled at.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I'm sorry, but just because your ex made some mistakes does not mean that it's okay to cheat. I know that you are asking for help, but Jack is right. Staying with someone just because you need their house and telling them "maybe we can work it out" is leading them on. And being angry at your ex boyfriend and not trusting him because he cheated on you is hypocritical. At this point, he could be equally worried that you'll cheat on him in the future. I don't quite see how you can justify the double-standard...

That being said, I don't know why you are considering getting back together with him at all. It seems fairly obvious that he is only after sex. Plus you don't trust him. Relationships need trust, they cannot work without it. I would leave him now and find somewhere else to stay.

At 17, you shouldn't have to look after yourself. Can Child Protection Services or similar not get involved if your sister is unfit to look after you?

[brokenmercy]

my sister has taken care of me for most of my life. her last big thing she said she was going to do for me was getting me into the house i had to leave because of my boyfriend well now ex. and i refuse to be an homeless or something like that. the guy i'm staying with never actually cheated onme. the girl he was texting was someone out of state that he met online. its wierd i know. and i know it sounds like im a hypocrate. but i have really bad issues when it comes to dating. i'm trying to fix them. and i was doing really good then this happened. im trying to fix myself but i can't quite seem to do it. it sucks so bad.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I obviously don't know your situation, but surely your sister would help you out if she knew that you needed her? Have you tried contacting her?

And no, he didn't cheat on you physically. But he cheated on you emotionally and in some ways, that's worse. Not only that, but he left you alone and pregnant. And there's no excuse for that. He treated you badly and unless he has completely changed, I don't see why you should risk getting hurt again. Like I said, you obviously don't trust him. And you can't have a relationship if you don't trust your partner. I'm not going to give you some way to start trusting him again because a) there isn't one, and b) your distrust in him is deserved.

Is there a particular reason that you want to get back together with him?

[brokenmercy]

yes i unederstand there is no reason to cheat on someone. completely understand. but I don't know. I can't see anything that is absolutely amazing in him [the guy I'm with now] it's kind of like that all the time. If I am in a relationship andeverything is going good, it doesn't feel right and it's like subconciously I detach myself from the person. I think it is because my mom has neverbeen in a stable relationship and all her relationships have been very bad. unhealthy. But I know that's not an excused but thats what I was raised around and I believe that mentally it scarred my emotions. After my mom had her stroke, she basically quit loving and caring about anything and that happened when I was three months old.st want to stop but I don't know how. however there is still more to this story that only makes things worse. After the guy I am with now left me for someone else, I started talking to a guy named A[for privacy i'll call him A]. adn he really started to like me. So bfore he got to attached I decided to tell him I was pregnant. That way he wouldn't be saying well you never told me so I'm gone. Well his reaction shocked me. See he was lwaving in like two months for Basic Training in the Army then straight to AIT. So he would be gone for 6 months. So we were deciding if we should date or wait till he came home. But his reaction was pure hatred towards the guy I'm living with now. He said that if I will allow it, he will raise the baby as his own and adopt it to make it official. Well when I moved in with my Dad's last summer, my Dad said I could not date him because he was 18. So I had to break up with him. Then, in February, he came home and the first thing he wanted to do was see me so I asked my Dad. He said he could come over. After my Dad met him said that I could date him. So we started dating again. Then I moved in to my Mom's. And everything was going good. Then I felt myself pulling away from him. I hated it and wanted it to stop because he did not deserver that. And I hurt him. And I truly believe he loves me because now, even after everything I have done, he is still here for me and a friend to me and still loves me and cares about me. So logic says go to him right? Well I would but I think he is too good for me. Like I am afraid I will hurt him. So I try to stray away from any oppurtunity to hurt him. I know this just makes this sound worse but at least try to put yourself in my shoes and help. I don't need to be told that what I have done is wrong because trust me I know. Why do you think i am on here????

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I am trying to help, but I'm a bit unsure on what you want help with. I've already said that I think you should call your sister or a friend and get out of the situation with your ex/boyfriend.

Also, if you have so many difficulties with relationships, I would strongly recommend that you stay away from boyfriends for a while. No offence, but you seem to jump between them quite quickly, and perhaps spending some time as 'single', you might be able to sort out your negative view of relationships. I'd also suggest counseling, even just with a school counsellor. Just someone to talk to and sort through your issues of detachment, as well as your living situation.

[brokenmercy]

I hate couselors though because I used to have to see so many. And they never did anything for me.... And I definitly agree being singe would help but how can I do that? I need to get a job first and then go from there.

[BrokenHeart315]

Regardless of if you cheated on him or not (and you sound like you regret it, which is honestly all anyone can ask of you at this point) you were pregnant with his baby, & he showed great immaturity in both not stepping up to become a father, and by cheating on you with other girls & finding nothing wrong with the fact.
Don't trust him. Unless there's a big change in him, he'll do the same thing. Good luck with everything.

[brokenmercy]

see that's what I figured and I talked to him about it. And he says he is trying to fix it. That he is trying really hard and everyhting. I just am really worried that when he goed off to college he's just going to find someone there. Ya know? So I mean maybe I deserve it hich is what most people say. However, I am trying to fix what I have done. It's just very hard given my sistuation.
I want to believe he has changed but i don't know if he has. How do I tell?