I'm Begging You All..Please Help Me

[RollingThunder]

I need help..advice..encouragement. I really do. So much is wrong..and it is all in my own mind.

My girl and I are actually doing really good. We have been together over a half year now. I love her..and she loves me. Her and I have stood by each other through the sweet and the shit. We are perfect for each other.

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Part 1
(This next part might be a bit mature for some)
This is where my issue lies. I think I may be posessive..or something. Hell I don't even know. I get violently ill when I think of someone else getting a good look at her. Like..my girlfriend is very well endowed. D cup since like freshman year of HS. Her and I just graduated..and she has even gotten bigger. Not just that..but she is curvy too. Great ass..and amazing figure all around. Basicly..my girlfriend is hot. I know this..I think she is the most beautiful, gorgeous, hot, whatever you wanna call it person in the world. I juat get sick when I think of someone else seeing her. I'll avoid going to the beach with her because I know she is going to be in a bathing suit and everyone will see her boobs. I'm also worries she will like slip and they will come out or something. Is that posessive? It really seems like it. I'm worried about every bathing suit..every article of clothing..every shirt..dress..I freak at the thought of someone getting a good viewc of her.

I want it all to end. I want to not freak out when she is in a bathing suit. I want to not feel like vomiting when I learn she is wearing a semi-tight shirt to CTcon. I want to not feel like crying when she is in any way showing skin. It's stupid..I hate myself for doing it all. Please..help me stop worrying..help me not be so damn posessive.

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Part 2

So now is another issue. She says she loves me..as I am. She said she wants no one else. I want to believe her..but she is just so..very flirty. Like she will make comments to other guys about how they should "tuck her into bed" or how "loving and sexy" another guy is. She will also comment a lot on how hot another guy is. I know she dosen't actually want them..she has me. It just makes me feel like "Ok Ryan..I have you sure..and I love you..but only because I can't have any of these other guys.." I feel like I'm being settled for..and it sucks. Also when I asked her if I was attractive she said "Um..you are cute!" Cute..not hot..or attractive..just cute. Like a puppy dog..a fucking pet. She said I'm not the most attractive guy ever..that's ok..I'm not really I know that. But still..to at least be attractive would be cool..I feel again like I'm being settled for. It also dosen't help that if there is one person showing her ass or sticking her rear into a camera it's her. She won't stop showing off..fuck.. Help..

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Part 3

I can't just stop feeling shitty every time Parts one or two come into play. It will throw off my whole day/night. I need to get this out. All of it. I need to not freak when my girlfriend is in a tad bit bof revealing clothing..even a bathing suit. I need to not hate my own life when she mentions I'm just "cute". I'm just..I'm just in a bad mood. I really do love her..I do. It was just a bad few days..

Help me people of TH..please..I need you.

[Singing to the starlight]

Well, it sounds like you have major self esteem issues. These are probably not helped by how she said you where cute and not attractive. You need to work on loving yourself.

[Guile]

Yep yep, its self-esteem issues, try looking at ways you might feel inferior, appearance, intelligence, "size", etc.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I have to disagree with the above posters. Whilst your self-esteem is part of this problem, I think your girlfriend and her actions are also a major part of the problem.

Personally, I think that your girlfriend is being unbelievably inappropriate. It's one thing to tell your boyfriend that you think a certain actor/celebrity is sexy. It is a completely different thing to tell other boys, while you are in a committed relationship, that you want them to "tuck you into bed". That is definitely crossing a line between flirty and just plain unfaithful. Also, it's just mean of her to tell you that you are "cute". Honestly, it sounds like she is trying to make you jealous with her comments.

I think you need to sit down and talk to your girlfriend. Tell her how her actions make you feel. I would explain to her that you don't appreciate her "flirting" with other guys and that when she does things like that, it shows that she doesn't respect you or your relationship. Hopefully, she will stop messing around and start treating you better after you talk to her.

I do think you have some self-esteem issues, though you already seem to know that. I'm sure that your girlfriend is only making these problems worse at the moment. Hopefully, by talking to her and getting her to change her behaviour, you will feel better. Have you had these "possessiveness" problems with previous girlfriends or even just previous friends? If not, I would say that this relationship is the main cause of your issues. If yes, I would recommend perhaps talking to a counsellor? Even if you just go a couple of times, they might be able to give you some techniques to work on your "possessiveness" (though might I say, I don't think you are possessive. Possessive would be if you stopped her from going out or got mad at her for going out without you. That's not what you're doing, I just can't think of the right word).

And though I know this is a bit extreme, might I suggest that you consider your relationship at this point? I know that you say you are perfect for each other. But if you are feeling "settled for" at this point in the relationship, it's unlikely that those feelings will go away. Maybe you've just had a bad week, but if you feel this way a lot or continue to feel this way, maybe you need to find someone who is going to make you feel more loved and important to them.

PM me if you ever need to talk.

[RollingThunder]

I already know i have self-esteem issues here. Thats no mystery.

Shimmering:

Yeah it dosen't really help that the boy she wanted to "tuck her in" was a brief fling before we started to go out. I keep thinking she still likes him..though she swears she dosen't. It's not as bad as I made it sound though. She dosen't openly flirt that much. It's mostly the fact that every five seconds she is acting crazy usually in some sexual way like showing her ass or jiggleing her boobs at someone. I know she thinks it's harmless fun but she dosen't get that maybe..just maybe..that's inappropriate. I think I'll have to talk to her about it all.

I have just had a bad past few days I think. This feeling of wanting to puke when she is in a bathing suit or whatever is new with her..but I think I'm just being stupid about it all.

I'm going to talk to my best friend Risa. She can maybe help me with figuring out what to do. She is also good friends with my girlfriend so hopefully she can sort out my head.

Shimmering, I understand your ideas..but believe me when I say I made it sound worse than it is. Mostly it is me being stupid. The only complaint is that my girl can be a bit inappropriate at times..ok a lot of times. Still she means well..and she woulden't cheat on me. I think she isn't aware of the shit she does. I'll have to bring this all to her attention..

[L.K.]

Part 1: I sympathize with you about your girl being attractive to many guys. One of my exes was like that and she'd always get comments from guys at her school about how sexy and hot she is, what a nice ass, etc. To say I was annoyed would be an understatement. It is perfectly normal to be a little concerned about how others see your girl, especially guys. It shows you're caring and that you love your girlfriend very much. As for easing that sick feeling, you might have to just suck it up and accept that it's going to happen. Whether your girl is 18 or 40, she will get looks from a lot of guys about her body. It's hard to hear that and I'm sorry, but you can't control those guys' actions or your girl's clothing all the time just because you don't like it.

Part 2: This is where your real issues lie, I think. Having been in a relationship with you for at least 6 months, that kind of flirty behavior and those comments should cease to exist at this point. She's being disrespectful by telling these other guys to tuck her in and how hot they are while she's in a committed relationship, especially after saying you're not as attractive as a lot of those other guys. Showing off her assets isn't a good thing either, because she's intentionally drawing attention to herself and, consequently, giving you more to deal with. I can't say whether her saying she loves you like she says she does is true or not, but her actions and behavior don't reflect it at all. You need to talk to her and address these concerns because it seems as though she doesn't consider the relationship as serious as you do. No boyfriend or girlfriend enjoys feeling second-rate to another person. One of the tasks in a relationship is making your other feel like the most important person in the world, and everyone deserves that.

Part 3: Yeah, you have self-esteem issues but that isn't your main problem. I'm not really physically attractice IMO though, so I understand what you mean.


Bottom line: Have a serious talk with your girlfriend about all your concerns and issues you just mentioned. Don't worry about you coming off as selfish and demanding because it isn't. It's not selfish for you to say that she should change because in reality, she does. Her actions and comments are not healthy for the relationship, and it needs to stop. Like Shimmering said, you might need to reconsider being with her. Maybe your initial post was indeed exaggerated, but even the non-exaggerated situation is grounds for wondering if this is working out.

P.S. Nice Anti-form avatar .

[RollingThunder]

Breaking up is not an option. I assure you. She can't know I'm being bothered unless I tell her. She cannot read minds. I'll talk to her..tell her to chill out a bit. Hope it all works out.

[Rise]

dude, i think your just overly protective...

[PSY]

Part 1:
The way I see it, this is something she already has to worry about on a daily basis. I mean, every day she puts a shirt on, she needs to be sure that there's no chance of her boobs popping out when she bends over. Whenever she puts a bathing suit top on, she needs to make sure that it's tied on tight. Even when a woman has the "perfect" figure, it doesn't mean that they WANT the whole world to see their body parts just hanging out there. I guess what I'm trying to say is... stop worrying on her behalf! YOUR worrying will only cause HER to stress out even more. So until you actually see her bathing suit top come off... chill, and assume that she's taken the necessary precautions to ensure that nothing embarrassing will happen. =P

Part 2:
I have to agree with Amy... some of those comments are completely inappropriate. I would suggest talking to her about it, because I don't think ANYONE would be happy about their boyfriend/girlfriend calling old flings "sexy", or joking about them coming over and tucking them into bed. A close male or female friend? Sure! An old fling? Not so cool. What I DON'T believe is that she's settled for less by dating you. It's obvious that she could have just about anyone else... but she chose YOU. She could easily use her body as "bait" in order to get a "hot" boyfriend... but that's only good for a short-term relationship. She wants a long-term relationship... and for that, you need someone with personality. That would be you. =) Yes, I know it's frustrating to be called "cute" vs. "sexy" (my boyfriend usually calls me "cute" as well)... but hey, there's nothing wrong with that! Not everyone IS beautiful/handsome/sexy, and while love can blind us to certain things, it doesn't completely change our perceptions. xD No matter how much she may love you, she may never call you "handsome"... but there's no denying that she DOES love you. Otherwise, she wouldn't be with you.

[RollingThunder]

Good reply there, PSY. Really helped actually.

So I chatted with my girlfriend about most of this yesterday. She was totally understanding of it all. She said she loves me totally..and that she will cut down on the acting out sexually and the comments. She apologized..saying she never meant anything by it all. She was seriously just being her usual odd self. She totally gets where I am coming from..and I really think this will help both of us in the long run.

Thanks to everyone who replied..especially to the people who gave the big advice. You guys stopped me from doing something stupid like yelling at her and helped me put everything in perspective. Love you all! <3