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Why did I do that? - July 24th 2010, 09:47 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

here's the story... I know I'm going to get a lot of criticism and might lose some friends over this but oh well here it is...

I was going through my boyfriend's photos on Facebook when I saw that a girl (who had previously caused problems in our relationship) commented on one and said "This made me smile <3" and he "liked" her comment. I got immediately enraged. WHY was she on his Facebook, first of all?! He knew I didn't like her and that she wanted to get with him... And I've commented on his pictures but he never "liked" any of my comments... I got jealous...
He got up and started to come towards me so I got up and slapped him... Afterwards I was like Wow... what did I do??! Why did I do that?! I love him, how could I have just done that?!?!
I don't even know what to think of myself anymore. And he doesn't know what to think of me either. He said "Now when we fight I better keep my guard up." That made me feel so bad but I don't blame him... God... What did I do?! Why did I do that?! I don't know what I'm asking for here...
I'm just upset... crying... I don't know what to do... I don't know why I did that! I've never slapped a guy before...



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 24th 2010, 10:09 PM

Sometimes our emotions get the best of us. No, that doesn't justify phsyically assaulting someone, whether it be by punching, slapping, kicking etc. But it does happen.

You probably felt betrayed because he was giving a girl who you've outwardly expressed your dislike for, attention. I know I would probably be irritated if I saw a girl that had tried to get with my boyfriend, putting hearts on his Facebook and such. Granted, you took the wrong approach but everyone makes mistakes

You obviously understand that you did something wrong, and are very sorry about it. Luckily, it didn't escalate into anything more. Sometimes, these things can be a single, isolated incident .. however, if you're worried there's no harm in seeking out some kind of counselling/anger management.

I think the best thing is to straighten things out with your boyfriend, tell him how you were feeling, that you're upset and embarassed about the way you acted, and are willing to move on from the whole situation if he is prepared to do the same. Make sure you are both on the same page. I hope this helps a little


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Re: Why did I do that? - July 24th 2010, 10:50 PM

Thanks so much Natalie. That helped a lot. I wish I could afford anger management, but I'm struggling to receive health insurance right now. It sucks big time, because that means I can't afford my bipolar medication either.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 02:09 PM

Ergh and this is the exact reason why facebook is unhealthy and why i deleted it LOL.
Not being funny but my first suggestion is delete facebook, it most defiantly enrages and affects people with anger issues, emotional issues, stress, depression, anxiety etc etc. I strongly suggest you delete it. May sound crazy but me and my boyfriend would argue or i'd get dodgy with him if a girl spoke to him or if he didn't comment me back or whatever,it was ridiculous! Now we have BOTH deleted it and it's crazy how much better our relationship is.
I understand how you can feel this way and why because i've been in the exact same situation, have you apologised to your boyfriend for slapping him? arguements are fine but when it gets physical it's time to start worrying, mabye your anger is defiantly getting the best of you. Do you find it easy to sit down and talk to him about your problems?? if not mabye thats why you reacted in a bad way.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 02:19 PM

I agree with I-Love-him. I think that if there is a problem, you should fix it first by making sure he understands why you did what you did, then by getting rid of any chance of the problem happening again. If he's not willing to delete his Facebook then I'd suggest not deleting your Facebook account, just blocking Facebook.com from being able to be seen by your web browser. If you want help with that just PM me I can walk you through it.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 02:54 PM

I can't delete my Facebook account, that's the only FREE way I can keep in contact with my family far away. And he won't delete his because he uses it to promote things regarding to his WoW guild and such.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 06:54 PM

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Originally Posted by Zeg View Post
I agree with I-Love-him. I think that if there is a problem, you should fix it first by making sure he understands why you did what you did, then by getting rid of any chance of the problem happening again. If he's not willing to delete his Facebook then I'd suggest not deleting your Facebook account, just blocking Facebook.com from being able to be seen by your web browser. If you want help with that just PM me I can walk you through it.
Thanks! not a lot of people agree when i say delete facebook, truth of the matter is it causes A LOT of problems but most people are indenial and won't delete it when problems occur.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmberS9109 View Post
I can't delete my Facebook account, that's the only FREE way I can keep in contact with my family far away. And he won't delete his because he uses it to promote things regarding to his WoW guild and such.
Email is free. Facebook isn't the only way of communicating you know.What did you do before facebook?Mabye ask him if he can block comments on his pictures? might not enrage you.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 07:04 PM

Before Facebook I lived with my mom, which obviously is not an option now. I'm just not going to creep on his page anymore.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 07:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmberS9109 View Post
Before Facebook I lived with my mom, which obviously is not an option now. I'm just not going to creep on his page anymore.
Like i say,email is a good option. It will still be tempting to go on his page. mabye block him?
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 08:09 PM

I'm not going to block my boyfriend on Facebook. I'll be fine from now on, I'm sure.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 08:27 PM

I told you before this guy isn't good enough for you. He is not being considerate of your feelings, he is not treating you as good as he should, he's obviously not making you very happy so I would dump him. I personally don't think you should feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. You are right to be angry, you are entitled to be pissed at him when he still talks to a girl who caused problems for you guys in the past. He should have deleted her if he was upset about her interference at all.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 08:34 PM

I'm not going to break up with him because of one fight, either.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 08:40 PM

It probably happened in the heat of the moment. Sit him down and tell him how it's upset you that you slapped him and that you're sorry. Just tell him what you told us about how you feel about when you slapped him.

Second, tell him how unhappy it's made you that he's let this girl go all over his profile. I'm in exactly the same situation - his ex posts on his wall all the time and sometimes he'll comment back, but if I write on his wall I rarely get a reply. It bugs some people, like me and you. Say that she's caused problems for both of you before and that you're not happy with him commenting back when she writes on his photos. He should understand.

and like someone said before, if it really really bothers you but you can't help snooping, you could always block him and block her.




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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 09:01 PM

Quote:
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I told you before this guy isn't good enough for you. He is not being considerate of your feelings, he is not treating you as good as he should, he's obviously not making you very happy so I would dump him. I personally don't think you should feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. You are right to be angry, you are entitled to be pissed at him when he still talks to a girl who caused problems for you guys in the past. He should have deleted her if he was upset about her interference at all.
I dunno, this seems a little harsh. I mean, he only "liked" a compliment on a picture without actually leaving a comment. It doesn't exactly seem like a dumpable offense.

Anyway, things like this happen. It might sound silly, but it's very unlikely anyone could get through a permanent relationship without some sort of outburst or disagreement like this at some stage. ^^ Relationships will always have good days and bad days, what's most important is how you deal with that and get through it together as a couple. Don't feel bad, he loves you and I'm certain he cares. Most likely he's the one who feels bad for upsetting you like this. Try to talk to him, explain exactly how you feel and ask him to be there for you and things will be far easier to get through. It's obvious you're a really nice person at heart and you love him, it sounds like you're just scared to death of losing him and the possibility he could one day cheat. It's normal to worry, but don't let it stress you out. Hope things work out.


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Re: Why did I do that? - July 25th 2010, 11:05 PM

Thanks so much Liam ^^



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 09:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmberS9109 View Post
I'm not going to block my boyfriend on Facebook. I'll be fine from now on, I'm sure.
Well ok then, if you aren't going to delete it or block him or her then just continue to get pissy everytime you see him like something she says and continue to fall out with him over something like facebook.your choice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by niente_ View Post
It probably happened in the heat of the moment. Sit him down and tell him how it's upset you that you slapped him and that you're sorry. Just tell him what you told us about how you feel about when you slapped him.

Second, tell him how unhappy it's made you that he's let this girl go all over his profile. I'm in exactly the same situation - his ex posts on his wall all the time and sometimes he'll comment back, but if I write on his wall I rarely get a reply. It bugs some people, like me and you. Say that she's caused problems for both of you before and that you're not happy with him commenting back when she writes on his photos. He should understand.

and like someone said before, if it really really bothers you but you can't help snooping, you could always block him and block her.
I agree.
And if he doesn't listen, doesn't care or doesn't change anything which has upset you then he isn't worth it because he obviously doesn't really care about your feelings if thats the case.

You will always get tempted to snoop on his page and this will cause issues in the future because you will see something you don't like.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 12:06 PM

Well I talked to him about it last night and he deleted and blocked her right in front of me. That made me feel a lot better about the situation; he also deleted the comment she left.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 12:29 PM

That sounds like a pretty decent solution to me . But have you apologised for slapping him? I think now that he's listened to you and deleted her, you should say sorry too. Not that I think badly of you or anything- believe me I've done worse for more minor offences than that but I've learnt to say sorry afterwards.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 01:05 PM

Of course I apologized. I apologized five minutes after I did it; if even that long after. I've never hit anyone... I had no right to go and slap him.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 01:22 PM

OK, I thought you did, it's just that for me I find it really hard to apologise soon after I've had a fight because I go through a bit of self-loathing and try to forget it happened so sometimes it blows over without me saying anything. And you'd be surprised how many people feel like sorry is the hardest word- even when my mum has clearly been in the wrong she refuses to apologise. Just explaining my reasons.
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 02:20 PM

Yeah if it were anyone else I probably wouldn't have apologized, to be honest. But the fear of losing him is overwhelming so I'm sure to keep things like that in check.



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Re: Why did I do that? - July 26th 2010, 06:36 PM

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Of course I apologized. I apologized five minutes after I did it; if even that long after. I've never hit anyone... I had no right to go and slap him.
Thats ok then. Sounds like things are ok now
   
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Re: Why did I do that? - July 31st 2010, 07:27 PM

If he blocked her and deleted her right in front of you, then that shows he wants things to be right between you two again. So I guess that's a good sign. Perhaps my comment was a little out of order.
   
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