TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Age of Ignorance's Avatar
 
Name: Mitch
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posts: 1,393
Blog Entries: 32
Join Date: February 3rd 2009

She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 28th 2010, 01:02 AM

Hey guys. (:

I'm a bit confused at the moment. There was a big kuffuffle last night in my house, which ended pretty okay-ish, but we're all confused as to what to do next.

I've been going out with my girlfriend (S) for almost 9 months, and we've had our highs and lows but I love her dearly. The main thing that gets to me about her is that she's affected sorely by everything. She hates when she doesn't get what she wants, takes everything out on me and it's really detrimental to not only my state of mind, but our relationship as a whole.

For the past couple of months, she's been cracking tantrums and yelling and screaming at me because I'm either too tired for sex, tell her I'm coming with her to a party or to her house and then change plans a few days before because something else comes up. I've always stood back, told her I'm sorry and then tried to make up for it.

Last night, I won tickets to a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see the All Blacks play against the Wallabies this saturday. My family already had tickets, and I'd told them I was going with them but I'd also told S that I was going with her to her friend's eighteenth. I told her that I was going to the game last night, and she went off her nut (as expected). She yelled and screamed, saying that I was "disappointing" people and disappointing her. It wasn't pleasant. I smirked at the wrong time, because I knew it would happen and I didn't know how to react to her. She slapped me as hard as she could in anger, causing me to bleed from my gums. :\

My mum and sister were sitting outside with the door closed, and could hear the slap through three walls and a glass door. I told my girlfriend to get out, and to not slap me. My sister came in first, yelling and screaming for her to get out so she did - and my mum followed and they had a chat out the front. They came back inside and Stef said she was sorry, and wanted to talk. We talked for a bit, she blamed me for not being privvy to how affected she is by anything, how insensitive I seemed and she apologised for slapping me, telling me she was shocked and couldn't look at me. I tried to console her, but then it was my turn. I told her to harden up, it's just a party and that she needed to fix what was going on around me.

I TRIED to break up with her, because, well, she told me she didn't want to go on a break and if I was going to do anything, I should break up with her. She cracked it for half an hour, telling me to take her back and she'd be so unhappy without me in her life. We compromised with a one-week break from each other.

The thing is, I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's going to react the same way towards me again some other day. I don't want something like that. And she tells me that she's ashamed to come back into my house again, because she's afraid of my mum and my sister. She doesn't want to be judged, and this'll caused her to be judged.

I don't know what to do. I want to break up with her, but I don't want to be without her. Help?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
*Rainbow*Rider* Offline
<3
I've been here a while
********
 
*Rainbow*Rider*'s Avatar
 
Name: H
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 1,921
Blog Entries: 124
Join Date: January 25th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 28th 2010, 01:06 AM

She needs to change. End of. This is an issue, but you don't give up at the first problem there is in a relationship. If she cannot stop this, then you break up. Tell her her reactions are simply ridiculous. I imagine its not you she's angry at but someone in her life let her down a lot before and she can see that again in you, its just a suggestion but thats often the cause in these kind of things. I'd be annoyed at these situations but her reactions sound crazy.

Another explanation is perhaps she uses you as a comfort blanket a bit? Therefore when you change your plans she suddenly panics because you're not there with her when she goes out?



If the world is a cold place
Make it your business to start some fires




   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
AmberS9109 Offline
I'll Be There For You =)
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
AmberS9109's Avatar
 
Name: Amber
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin

Posts: 240
Join Date: June 8th 2010

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 28th 2010, 01:11 AM

Oh, wow. This is a lot like what's been going on with me lately (but I didn't slap my boyfriend that hard...compared to what you described it as, I only tapped him...and he also hasn't tried to break up with me). I'd say you should sit down and talk with her IN FRONT OF your mom or her mom or something so you know she won't lash out on you and slap you again. Talk about how you can improve things, and tell her how you feel about her overreacting every time you do something that upsets her in the least bit. Ask her what you can do for her. It's about compromise.
If nothing improves within the next month, I'd get out of it. Especially if she hits you again. Hope I helped.



Two is better than one.
Amber + Stephen ♥ 11.15.09
  Send a message via AIM to AmberS9109 Send a message via MSN to AmberS9109 Send a message via Yahoo to AmberS9109  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,180
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 28th 2010, 01:21 AM

She sounds like an absolute nightmare. I think, if you have any hope of salvaging this relationship, she needs to see a psychological professional for anger management. Who knows, she may have a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, that is causing her to behave this way. But there is absolutely NO excuse for this kind of behavior, and it needs to stop.

It seems like she's doing you more harm than good... so I would suggest going on a break while she's trying to sort things out. If she's serious about getting back together with you, then you'll begin to see improvements in her behavior sooner vs. later, and your break won't have to last for too long. If she's not willing to get help, however, that break will soon become permanent... and you'll know that she was a mistake. I'm sorry, I know you love her, but this IS an abusive relationship, and you need to think about your safety and long-term well-being above your desire to have a loving relationship with her. If she changes, then you'll get what you want. If she doesn't, then you have to make the decision that's best for you.





   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
MisplacedDreamer's Avatar
 
Name: Annie
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 735
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: June 12th 2010

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 28th 2010, 08:23 PM

Well, I would be upset if you constantly changed plans. Once in awhile is okay because everyone has something unexpected come up. However, if it is every week the plans change, then I would be a little furious.

However, slapping and throwing tantrums aren't accepted. Plus the refusal to take breaks is a bad sign.

Honestly, I would break up with her. She has anger issues and she is using you as an emotional punching bag. If you break up with her, you may find that you don't need her as much as you think you do.
  Send a message via AIM to MisplacedDreamer  
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Fictional Offline
Nom ;D
I've been here a while
********
 
Fictional's Avatar
 
Name: Jessy
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: here, stealing all your help =P

Posts: 1,520
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 9th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 28th 2010, 08:40 PM

I'd say you're both at fault, to be honest. You can't promise to go out with ehr and then tell her at the last minute that you have toher plans, certainly not more than once in a blue moon, and expect her to be completely ok with it. But on the other hand, hitting you is taking it a bit far. She should try to control her temper, and you should stop canceling your plans with her.


There's always light at the end of a tunnel, even if you have to pass a few bends to see it.



Proud reciever of a glance from Kyo xD

Mada tooi anataboshi
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
losing touch. Offline
oh, really?..
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
losing touch.'s Avatar
 
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 5,996
Blog Entries: 537
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 29th 2010, 03:14 AM

This is a pretty difficult situation. Part of me thinks you should break up with her and you won't have the stress in your life but part of me thinks you should talk it through with her.. After you've had a break from eachother and tell her you can't be with her if she's going to be violent and have sudden tantrums. I can understand why she was upset because you changed your plans at the last minute, but if it was my boyfriend I would understand that he may not have the opportunity to see those teams again and would want him to go.

It's really up to you, either finish with her or have a serious talk about how you can salvage your relationship. I hope things work out.


..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..



   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Firesong3 Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Firesong3's Avatar
 
Name: Nicola
Gender: Female
Location: At the bottom of the well

Posts: 106
Join Date: May 31st 2010

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 29th 2010, 01:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Composure View Post
Hey guys. (:


Last night, I won tickets to a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see the All Blacks play against the Wallabies this saturday.
Mate, I'm aussie. I don't know whether you're aussie or kiwi, but you know as well as I do that the All Blacks play against the Wallabies all the time. And this match isn't even a final or semi, it's a test. If I thought that my boyfriend was renegging on a party for a close friend of mine, just because of a footy game- well, I wouldn't mind too much, but I would be a little annoyed. But if this was a repetition of times where "other things have come up" and interrupted plans, then yes I would be fuming.

I do agree that she didn't have to slap you, but I definitely do not agree that your mother and sister were dragged into the argument. That's demoralising for her, and I would be as embarrased as she was. You might have this bad moments sometimes, but at least you get to see her at her best as well. What about your family? What if the main memory they have of her is of her slapping you, and getting mad? What if she knows that? I think it would be good for you to have a talk with your mother and sister and find out what they think of her, because if they don't like her then you have to work to change that perception if you want the relationship to last. And if you don't want that relationship to last, well, then you know what you have to do.

Sorry if I seem unfair, I just wanted you to see things from her side for a minute. (and don't give me any BS about the wallabies again! )
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
ThrashAttack Offline
Banned
I've been here a while
********
 
ThrashAttack's Avatar
 
Name: Will
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Edge of Oblivion

Posts: 1,374
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: January 10th 2009

July 29th 2010, 01:14 PM

[Edited] Have a big talk with her about what she has done to you in the past. Clear things up.

I personaly think the OP has dont nothing wrong

Last edited by PSY; July 29th 2010 at 04:56 PM. Reason: Edit: Rude/off-topic. Merge: Posted again within the hour.
  Send a message via MSN to ThrashAttack  
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
I-Love-him Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
I-Love-him's Avatar
 
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: wouldn't you like to know? :-D

Posts: 1,084
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 29th 2010, 01:29 PM

I agree that it is wrong she slapped you BUT i also think it is wrong of you to constantly keep changing your plans and keep letting her down and yes some girls will get extremely angry when they get let down. I do and i screw at my boyfriend! Unless it's an emergency, your girlfriend is your number one priority if you have already made plans with her. You can't just change your mind about going to a party or tell her you can't see her because something else as cropped up. Fair enough if it's something like an emergency but unfortunatley i can see where she is is coming from. I'm exactly the same, some girls just go mental when they get let down and your going to have to either learn to stop letting her down or leave her if you can't stick to original

However, she shouldn't have slapped you. Sounds like she needs anger management and if you do love her then i suggest sticking around and supporting her with what she is going through and let her know you think it's best she should have anger management.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Daydreamer Offline
Member
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Daydreamer's Avatar
 
Name: Megan
Age: 30
Gender: Female

Posts: 410
Join Date: November 9th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 29th 2010, 02:54 PM

[Edited]

I think that your girlfriend has a lot of things she needs to work on. It is my opinion that hitting a significant other is NEVER okay. If it had been you that had slapped her, we would be saying to leave. End of story. I think that the thought of her even THINKING she had the right to touch you in that way is just wrong, regardless of what you did and regardless of the fact that she apologized.

I do however think that if you chose to forgive her, and I don't know her so I can't say if this is really out of character, but if you chose to forgive her you two have a lot to work on. The way she is acting (ie throwing tantrums, violence) is something you shouldn't have to deal with. But at the same time, I would try and figure out why she is getting this frustrated. I feel like if I were in her shoes, and my boyfriend was bailing on plans with me all the time, I would be frustrated and upset. I'd see it as he doesn't respect me enough to honor our plans, or even that he doesn't want to spend time with me. (which considering her behavior may not be that far from the truth.) Once or twice changing plans wouldn't be a big deal, but if I felt like it was a constant thing it would cause issues for me.

So my advice is this, if you chose to remain with her, I would suggest a break to take the time to evaluate what your BOTH doing wrong in the relationship and decide if it is something you can fix, or if it is even worth fixing. But if you decide to end things I would not see you as being in the wrong in the slightest.

Last edited by PSY; July 29th 2010 at 04:58 PM. Reason: Off-topic.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Pending...Work in progess
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Work_In_Progress's Avatar
 
Name: Matt
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: Canada, New Brunswick

Posts: 759
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - July 29th 2010, 05:58 PM

Sounds like what I went through with my ex-gf, except she didn't ever hit me, she wouldn't ever dare. It's too bad that it took me the 3rd time around to leave her.

The girl is making you miserable and by the way you're telling it; it's for next to no reason at all. You really should drop her like a rock and don't look back!

A girl that will be so dramatic like this, that will tell you she'll only be unhappy/can't live without you, is someone that should never EVER be in a relationship. And you shouldn't have to endure being with someone like that.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Age of Ignorance's Avatar
 
Name: Mitch
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posts: 1,393
Blog Entries: 32
Join Date: February 3rd 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - August 1st 2010, 03:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Firesong3 View Post
Mate, I'm aussie. I don't know whether you're aussie or kiwi, but you know as well as I do that the All Blacks play against the Wallabies all the time. And this match isn't even a final or semi, it's a test. If I thought that my boyfriend was renegging on a party for a close friend of mine, just because of a footy game- well, I wouldn't mind too much, but I would be a little annoyed. But if this was a repetition of times where "other things have come up" and interrupted plans, then yes I would be fuming.
Rugby is not like the AFL. The majority of AFL games are in Victoria - majority of Rugby games are international. It's isn't a trivial "I paid $30 to go see Essendon smash St. Kilda" kind of game, it's a "I got tickets worth $150 each to go and see my home country play against our rival country for only the fourth time ever in my city" kind of game. I know that the All Blacks play Wallabies at least 4 times a year, but the game was the fourth time ever that they've actually played in my state. It's national pride, mate. No way I'm going to miss it.

(By the way, it was a bloody awesome game! )

Quote:
I do agree that she didn't have to slap you, but I definitely do not agree that your mother and sister were dragged into the argument. That's demoralising for her, and I would be as embarrased as she was. You might have this bad moments sometimes, but at least you get to see her at her best as well. What about your family? What if the main memory they have of her is of her slapping you, and getting mad? What if she knows that? I think it would be good for you to have a talk with your mother and sister and find out what they think of her, because if they don't like her then you have to work to change that perception if you want the relationship to last. And if you don't want that relationship to last, well, then you know what you have to do.
My mum: "She's always welcome, it's all in the past. It's just a slap, nothing too major."
My sister: "I fucking hate her."
Let me tell a story - I invited my girlfriend on a family trip to the country side three months into our relationship. It was going to be a good weekend, and I'd told her a month in advance that if she wanted to come, she'd have to hang out with my family because my dad wants to go hunting for a few hours. At the time, she said it was fine. She said she didn't mind hanging out with my mum and my sister. On the four hour trip up there, though, she cracked it hardcore. She threw tantrums and flailed about, telling me: "don't ditch me! why are you ditching me?" After that, because I didn't want her to suffer, I told my dad I wouldn't go hunting with him and that I would stay in the hotel with my mum, sister and girlfriend. No worries. EVER since then, when she doesn't get her way, there must be a trigger in her head saying "okay, it's worked once before, it'll work again." At least once a week. AT LEAST.

Quote:
Sorry if I seem unfair, I just wanted you to see things from her side for a minute. (and don't give me any BS about the wallabies again! )
No worries, love.

Now, I don't change my plans every week, though. Lately, I've been changing them once every two weeks just so I don't have to put up with another tantrum, but before that, it's been once every month or two. I hardly think that's harsh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Work_In_Progress
Sounds like what I went through with my ex-gf, except she didn't ever hit me, she wouldn't ever dare. It's too bad that it took me the 3rd time around to leave her.

The girl is making you miserable and by the way you're telling it; it's for next to no reason at all. You really should drop her like a rock and don't look back!

A girl that will be so dramatic like this, that will tell you she'll only be unhappy/can't live without you, is someone that should never EVER be in a relationship. And you shouldn't have to endure being with someone like that.
Thank you mate, I tend to agree with you. And thank you to all who posted, I'm still not sure what to do, but whatever needs to be sorted will be sorted in due time.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
Firesong3 Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Firesong3's Avatar
 
Name: Nicola
Gender: Female
Location: At the bottom of the well

Posts: 106
Join Date: May 31st 2010

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - August 1st 2010, 12:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Composure View Post


EVER since then, when she doesn't get her way, there must be a trigger in her head saying "okay, it's worked once before, it'll work again." At least once a week. AT LEAST.
Ahh, now I understand. Before it seemed like this was a kind of one-off thing that happened because you were ditching her a lot... but now I get it. Ugh, to be honest, that sounds like a horrible relationship! She honestly sounds really, really immature Let her go, mate. My philosophy when it comes to a relationship is that there should only ever be a huge argument once a year. (including just raising your voice). Any more than that, it just means you're tiptoeing around all the time.
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
Ambiance Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Ambiance's Avatar
 

Posts: 627
Join Date: August 27th 2009

Re: She... uhh... slapped me...? - August 3rd 2010, 08:10 PM

I would try to break up. As difficult as it is, she's just taking out her own problems on you. And you really dont deserve that.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
slapped, uhh

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2021, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.