What would you say if your significant other had a dream that you cheated on them?

[off to a new life]

So, I had a dream that my husband cheated on me. I know it was just a dream but it felt so real and horrible!

Anyways, when I told him about it, the first thing he did was ask was "who was I cheating with?". Is that a normal thing to ask? And when I said I didn't know, he seems almost relieved.

Then I just started thinking about everything and I remembered a few months ago he said he had something he needed to tell me in a serious tone of voice then he paused for forever and asked me what I would do if he cheated on me. I got upset and asked him if he had cheated, he said no and that it was just a hypothetical question.

I also remember not too long before that happened we had had an argument about sex. I was in Canada and he was in Peru. There were a few days he had wanted to have cyber sex and I still didn't want to (i don't like cybersex), so he said if I kept not doing it with him he would just find some other girl. I got really angry and he apologized, but could he have meant what he said?

He also does have a history of lying to me. He put a program on the computer at our home so that he could watch everything I was doing on it from his work computer. He did that for months! He was reading my emails and everything. I asked him about it and he swore it wasn't true. I was so suspicious of him and I wanted to confront him, but finally I decided that I loved him and I just needed to trust him with all of my heart. I finally found out when I accidentally walked in on his conversation with someone else telling them he'd been doing it.

Oh and then there is his stupid ex girlfriend, who he says he broke up with three years ago but she still phones him and emails him and emails me and says awful things to me to try and divorce him.

I know I am probably just paranoid but this is really bothering the heck out of me. Tell me I'm just being silly?

Your opinions would really help!

[rhapsody]

Hi, I'm sorry I couldn't answer you straight away this morning cos it sounds like you are really confused at the moment.

I think the whole thing sounds...suspicious. It might help if you ask him straight out if he cheated on you. Before he has a chance to answer, make sure you tell him that whatever has happened you are his wife, you love him, and you will work things out together. If you just ask him straight out then he will never admit to anything. I think it does sound like he has something to hide. You will have some idea of whether he lied to you from the way he has behaved in the past when he has lied to you. Also, from my own experience, when men are lying about cheating they will usually try to turn it around on you, eg. 'you're crazy!' 'why don't you trust me?'

When you speak to him: keep calm whatever he says; don't put blame on him or he won't tell you the whole truth; keep reassuring him that, as you are married now, every problem you have you will deal with together.

Let me know how you get on - either through this thread or you can pm me any time and I will do my best to help you.

[niente_]

I agree with Rhapsody, it sounds all a little suspicious. I mean, it's normal to have dreams like that - Ive had a fair few about people cheating on me. I think it's also normal to ask who with. I'd want to know if someone had a dream like that about me.

Its the rest that sounds dodgy. If you trust him and nothing suspicious has happened for a while then fine, but if an opportunity comes up that reminds you of all of it again then maybe have words and see what he says.