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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thurineth Offline
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Porn? - August 15th 2010, 05:31 PM

Are you ok with your other half watching porn or looking at pictures of other girls on the internet?

My boyfriend frequents 4chan, and I know he visits the "sexy beautiful woman" board... I'm torn. I'm under the thinking of "he's with me/just looking" but also "thats not me" and it makes me feel inadequate. I know I shouldnt have snooped to ee if he still goes on there, but he said he wouldnt. As he knows that it makes me feel like a failure of a person.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Porn? - August 15th 2010, 05:43 PM

I'm not going to lie, most guys myself including look at porn. The difference lies if he gets sucked in or just uses it when masturbating. Some guys(like myself) just use it for the latter and then dont give it a second thought after. Others get so sucked in they want it all the time and have no desire for anything sexual other then that. If he said he won't but keeps going to it theres a good chance he is addicted to it. Maybe talk to him more about it, or suggest talking to a counselor or someone else about it.
   
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Re: Porn? - August 15th 2010, 05:46 PM

I don't see it as a big thing at all. I don't care if they find someone else attractive, it's obvious they'd find other people attract. Then again I'm genuinely not a jealous person at all in relationships.


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Re: Porn? - August 15th 2010, 07:41 PM

But the thing that gets me is that all these girls are really thin and pretty, the oposite to me
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Re: Porn? - August 15th 2010, 07:52 PM

I don't really care if he watches porn once in a while.
But looking at other girls on the computer bothers me. He hasn't done it much (as far as I know) but once he straight out said "you have the second best butt, hers is first". (long story short, we worked that one out) But because of that I'm forever going to have a problem with him looking at girls on the internet, especially overly implanted and airbrushed girls.
I think you should talk to him about it.


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Re: Porn? - August 15th 2010, 08:05 PM

Vlora that itself is the main issue with porn. I personally don't find the girls in it attractive. Half the time they are far to skinny and fake looking. Don't compare yourself to them because I am positive you are far more beautiful then them. They do so much stuff with camera's nowdays that what your seeing is more then likely fake.
   
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Re: Porn? - August 15th 2010, 08:35 PM

Young men, from experience are very, very filled with testosterone. Though he may care about you a lot, and even if you perform 'things' guys have plenty of sexual energy.

You shouldn't take it personally. The women on those sites turn us on - but honestly if I had a chance to date one I'd pass - they're not real (likely dirty) haha. He's with you he likes you. Perhaps this is perverse but perhaps you should accompany him onto these sights if your too concerned.


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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 03:04 AM

Like Leo said, many men who are in committed relationships just look at pornographic photos or videos while masturbating. At the end of the day, however, they don't want a woman who's a sex object... they want a woman who's the complete package. So your stomach isn't as flat and your boobs aren't as big as a porn star's... so what? =) A porn star can't hug and kiss your boyfriend, comfort him when he's having a bad day, or encourage him to achieve his greatest dreams and desires. He'll never have an emotional connection with the woman on his computer monitor... heck, he'll never even have a physical connection with her, because he's alone while masturbating. =P

Basically, she's just a tool, and you're much, MUCH more than that. If he started putting porn before you... well, that would be one thing. But if porn is just a supplement, a substitution for when you're not around... I can understand why you're not entirely happy about it, but it's not something worth ending this relationship over, either. At least, that's how I see it. In my case, I know my boyfriend looks at porn from time to time, but I don't tell him he can't (because, frankly, that's not something you want to tell ANY guy to stop doing). I've just told him that I don't want to know, and he respects that.

All I can really suggest is that you talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling... but be sure that you don't go on and on about how upsetting it is to you. Find a way to discuss the issue, come up with a compromise (ex. he doesn't look at it when you're around, he doesn't mention it, he doesn't save it on his desktop where you can see it), and move on.





   
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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 03:15 AM

Porn is hot and natural. Everyone has fantasies and It doesn't make it cheating to watch it.


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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 10:01 AM

I never said It was cheating Holly. I'm just saying I'm uncomfortable with him watching it. We live together, and I don't really see the need/point in it.
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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 10:12 AM

Laura, in your situation, I would feel the same way. I live with my boyfriend and if he was watching porn (especially behind my back), I would be pretty upset. I know that he has looked at porn in the past, and that doesn't bother me. But when I'm right there, there doesn't seem to be a good reason for him to turn to porn instead.

But the bigger issue seems to be that he lied to you. At least, that's what it sounds like, I might be mistaken. So he told you that he wouldn't go on these sites, but he did?



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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 11:28 AM

yeah, i'm annoyed more at that, but i have really big issues with myself and this doesnt help
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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 12:37 PM

Laura - Are you sure he is watching porn all the time? Maybe he is only using it at times when you aren't around to have sex with? Please don't compare yourself to these women; he's not sleeping with them - he is having sex with his own hand. He is never actually going to have sex with a porn star and he knows it. He is just happy that you - a real woman (and I mean 'real' in the sense that you are physically there) - is willing to sleep with him, because without you it would just be him and his hand again 24/7. You have every right to ask him to stop watching porn or at least to hide it well enough that you never have to know about it. I found porn on my boyfriend's laptop about 6months into our relationship, after I mentioned it to him it immediately disappeared from his browsing history and I haven't seen it since. I don't know if he still uses it and I don't care, as long as he is still able to have decent regular sex with me.

Finally, it might also help you if you can see porn actresses for what they really are - unattractive, dead-eyed, badly made-up, abused, messed-up performers who spend their lives doing the most degrading, uncomfortable, painful, messiest job imaginable. If I had to choose I would so much rather be you.
   
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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 04:45 PM

Lol, if he regularly goes on 4chan you may want to rethink your choice in partner.


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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 08:26 PM

I am going to give my usual disclaimer first, which is to not snoop. If you want to know something about your partner, ask him/her. If you can't feel comfortable enough to ask, then that relationship may not really have healthy communication.

Now as for your question, no; I do not mind if my partner watches porn. It's a perfectly natural thing to do. Sometimes he watches it alone, and sometimes we watch porn together.

Most guys just use it for masturbation fodder, which is healthy. It sounds like, however, you aren't worried so much about how often he watches it or the fact he does, but that he is comparing you to the girls in the films. Chances are he almost certainly isn't; guys do not think like women in that respect. They see something attractive, like a girl doing something sexual, and appreciate it, but do not think during it, "Man, she is so much hotter than my girlfriend." That's you talking, and it sounds like you might have some self-image issues you might want to explore. Also, talk to him about it. Sure, he might be pissed you snooped, but talk to him about your concerns and let him know this is something you struggle with. If you can come to him about this, it will help your relationship grow, potentially.


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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 08:33 PM

I know exactly how you feel i also get torn between the "he's with me/just looking" and the "thats not me" mind set and it is hard especially when you have issues with yourself (to that i can also relate).

We also live together so i find it hard to work out why he would need it when i'm always here. I know he watches it but he doesn't tell me, I found out he watched it the same night we had sex when i was asleep the once because i found one of his dvd's left out in our bedroom. I never confronted him, i don't really know if i should have but i did feel hurt because i just thought "why would he still need it if we just had great sex?". It made no sense to me either but after making a thread on here a while a go it made me realize that when i feel like that towards porn i just need to think "it's just porn, it really does mean nothing" i mean those women, even the men they're all fake. The women they're brainless sluts, yeah they have the boobs and the flat stomach but it's all fake plastic barbie doll stuff, just imagine how much pain they've been through and money they've spent on body modification. Not to mention the number of botched boob jobs they've had to deal with its just not worth it, they'll just fall apart when they hit 50.

Anyway my point is you're much much better than porn, so what if they're skinny read what i typed above. You're boyfriend is with you for a reason, you're much more to him than a pornstar ever will be. Your the one who's always on his mind, not some slutty plastic doll. What i just said is what you need to say to yourself whenever you feel like this.It doesn't sound like it's taking over his life, talk to him about the 4chan thing because he did lie to you, but it shouldn't be make or break of the relationship if he's worth it
   
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Re: Porn? - August 16th 2010, 10:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gixxers rock View Post
Lol, if he regularly goes on 4chan you may want to rethink your choice in partner.

This made me lol
I frequent there too so... thats not the problem.
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Re: Porn? - August 17th 2010, 09:52 AM

I agree with all the males before me. Most guys do look at porn; it's just a guy thing. (It's just like how girls always have to brush there hair). But when I'm in a relationship, i try my best to stray away from it. but its not always easy.

based from experience, I really don't think that because you look at porn it makes you "not good enough". It maybe because it's a habit for him. If you never had se* before, it's also a good way to release all those male testorones that we build up.

Overall dont feel that you not good enough. It's just a habbit that we guys have


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Re: Porn? - August 17th 2010, 06:59 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years...and known from the start that he looks at porn..i realllyyyyyy dont care, heck sometimes il even look at some with him. As long as its not alll the time its fine. But as many of the ppl have said here, msot guys use it from tiem to time to masturbate, nothing wrong with that. And as long as he doenst compare you to those girls, it hink its fine.
   
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Re: Porn? - August 17th 2010, 07:12 PM

I have no problem with porn. I see it like this...It's just a video or picture. They will probably never meet that person and if they did the chances of them getting "lucky" are very slim. I watch porn with my husband. If he likes it and can trust me enough to be understanding so we can do it together i see no problem with it. A lot of men hide it from their girlfriends or wife's because they don't want it to hurt them or feel insecure about themselves. If you wouldn't get upset about it I'm sure he would be open with you. Try watching it with him. It is exciting once you get past the awkward stage.




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Re: Porn? - August 18th 2010, 01:38 AM

It's only natural. You should be accepting of your mate looking, watching porn.
Almost everyone does at some point. At the end of the day hes with you.
   
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