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Exclamation Worry - August 22nd 2010, 08:34 AM

I've gotten into a new relationship. And I've started to like him more. I have a tendency to analyze things. And worry. I try hard not to. And know it is a fairly common thing. There is something about him, that my intuition tells me, it is not creepy. It does not scare me, but it is not a good or bad feeling. Kind of in the middle. He seems a caring and considerate person, but is not emotionally there a lot of the time. He does not connect with everything that he makes it seem like he does. Just random things in conversation, nothing important. I'm not sure if it is a problem yet, if it will cause issues. Or if he wont get as attached to me as I will to him. But anyway. I hate not having what I say acknowledged. I need that to happen in a relationship. I need to be loved for the person who I am. I typically donít share personal information with people. There are very few who I do share with. What I'm saying is I am unsure. I'm not positive if I should trust him. I'd like to. Iíd like to connect with someone. At the moment I don't really have anyone. I like to be respected and treated as a equal with out having to ask. I donít see anyone doing that, ever. My boyfriend does. He's very kind considerate and giving. But at the same time.. that feeling, intuition tells me that there is something else. Not creepy.. not necessarily bad... I'm not sure what it is. And it makes me hesitant to trust and open up to him. He doesnít seem that concerned with others.. heís open with his passed issues. But I just donít quite know how much he really cares. And that bothers me.


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"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

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Re: Worry - August 22nd 2010, 10:01 AM

Intuition is a valuable thing. It's good to trust it, but watch out for being overly suspicious.

All relationships involve both trust and risk. You have to trust in order to be close, and you have to take risks to trust. Sometimes your trust is betrayed, but you can't control what other people do. All life is a risk. What happens is closeness is worth the risk. Sometimes you'll get hurt, and sometimes you have the reward of being close with a wonderful person.


What just happened?
   
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Re: Worry - August 22nd 2010, 04:29 PM

For me personally it takes ages to trust somebody in the way you want to trust somebody. How long have you been together? Maybe after more time that feeling will go away and you'll start to trust him.




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Re: Worry - August 22nd 2010, 07:40 PM

There's much to be risked in love and war.

Just tell him what you're feeling, "that you want to trust him and connect with him; but you're not sure he's emotionally available for the relationship."


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Re: Worry - August 22nd 2010, 09:24 PM

Okay, so, first of all, it's downright eerie how much it sounds like you could be talking about me.

Second of all, I realize that this is a new relationship, so maybe take some time to get to know him better first, but I think you should be honest and bring it up with him, because it bothers you. He might just have a difficult time expressing that he cares to people, especially in a new relationship... Or it might be something deeper than that. And he might not realize that he's giving you that impression. So I think you should say something about it when you feel comfortable.

I also agree with what Jaguar said about trust. It's a risk, and sometimes you get hurt, but sometimes it's very rewarding.
   
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