I really just need somebody to tell me what they think and help give me some direction

[Silverline]

I grew up always being short tempered and get irratated easily but normally I just let things go and move on because it does no good to just be angry all the time. I've never taken any medicine for it because poeple tell me that I don't need medicine because it's not bad enough. I've just learned to control myself. Well any from the begining my boyfriend realized that I normally didn't fuss at him when most girlfriends would but instead I just let it go. He never really did anything that bad anyway. I told him that it was because I had anger issues and I had to just forget it and let go because dwelling on it would just make me all pissed off and cause an argument.Well he thought that I wasn't handling it the right way and incouraged me to be mad or irratated whenever apropriet and would get upset when I didn't do so. Now we have been dating 8 and a half months and there has been times when I fussed at him. But the thing is that when I do get mad or irratated and fuss at him he always puts me at fault. He's always justified when he gets mad and irratated but I'm not. Normally when he say that he's in a bad mood it's better to leave him his space unless he says that he wants to talk, needs comforting or just rather have me by his side. The other night he had texted me saying that he was in a bad mood and since I had to turn my phone in soon anyway I went ahead and told him that I would just give him some space and that I hoped that he would feel better soon and that I loved him and goodnight. Well the next day I had texted him after a meeting and he said that said that he was angry because he had wanted to talk to me but I had said goodnight. I asked him what was wrong but he wouldn't tell me and only said that whatvever was wrong with him wasn't bothering him anymore. But he was still mad at me. Well then I had gotten angry because he didn't tell me that he needed somebody to talk to and instead just said goodnight and then got mad at me. I had told him that he couldn't expect me to just automatically know what he wanted me to do and that he shouldn't get mad at e for doing whatI thought was best and respecting his space and he should have told me. I told him that he was being whiney and I didn't want to hear it (he whines and complians alot).I also said that if what was bothering him wasn't anymore then he shouldn't still be mad at me because he wanted to talk and didn't tell me. Again it's what I thought he needed and was only respecting his space. This of cousre isn't word for word what I said but that's what I told him. The thing is that every once in a blue moon I will cuss and that time just hapened to be one of them. I said the words fuck, hell and pissy. After I had told him that, he said that I was talking to him like a dog. Then he said that he didn't want to talk to me fo a while and considered braking up with me. I didn't think that I was talking down to him and neither does the poeple that I read the messages to. Well anyway I finally got him to go on windows live and we did a video chat which didn't consist of much but me crying and him acting like I was some crazy abusive bitch. After we had gotten off I talked to some friends, calmed down and thought about it for a while. After thinking I persauded him to get bk on windows live and we ended up talking from about 9 pm to almost 1 am. We finally settled everything and ened up in deep conversaton. But the thing is that he acted like he was really sticking his neck out and didn't really want to give me another chance. He told me that if I ever fussed at him again then he would brake up with me. We have also been having issues with something and talked about that too but that's a whole different story. I just want to hear somebody elses opinion. I also told him that I would get medicine for my anger issues

[Dana]

Your boyfriend acted really immaturely when he got upset and ignored you when you told him you were going to give him space and that you were going to bed. I can understand that he might be irritated because he wanted to talk to you, but it's unreasonable for him to be mad at you about it--that's just him being selfish and petty. Like you said, you can't be expected to read his mind (and if you've had a policy of giving him space in the past then there was no reason why you should think this time would be different). I completely agree with what you said to him, but you might have been out of line depending on how you said it (swear words, etc, never help a situation), which clearly made him angrier. You're both at fault here. I don't think it's fair of him to give you an ultimatum like that (that he'll break up with you if you fuss at him again)- he should grow up and work with you on this.

Also, from your post I can't really see where the anger problems you're talking about come in. I think your policy of letting things go is a good one. If you really think you have a problem, I would recommend seeing a therapist over taking medication.

[Silverline]

Thankyou, I know that I was as fault too for cursing. His reaction hurt me really bad. And I will consider a therapist but I've already tried that and have been told that I don't need help. Though I know that I do because even though my anger issues aren't that noticeable all the time thiere still there and I really don't like them.

Does anybody else have anything that they could tell me?

[Dana]

You don't need to have anything wrong with you to see a therapist. I know several 'normal' people who go to a therapist just to talk. I think it would really help you.

[PSY]

You would need a diagnosis in order to receive medication... but you don't need to have severe anger issues in order to talk to a professional about your problems. =) You can always see someone and learn better methods for coping with your anger, for communicating with your boyfriend, etc. There may also be an "anger management" organization in your area that offers group therapy sessions for free. If you honestly believe that you need help, then keep looking for it!

All I can really suggest is that you keep talking to your boyfriend. It wasn't right for him to threaten you ("if you ever get angry again, I'll break up with you"), but I can also understand that he might have been very upset at the time. Perhaps, from now on, you can respond with "Do you want to talk about it?" when he says he's having a bad day. That way, he can choose to say yes (and you can keep texting him) or no (and you can say good night/hope you feel better soon). Again, it seems a lot of these issues can be resolved if you just keep talking to him. Effective communication is key to any healthy relationship. =)