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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Alto. Offline
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Oh no... Not another thread about Jackson.... :( - September 25th 2010, 07:44 PM

Jackson, aka the boy who has hurt me so much these past few months, and the boy that I have fallen in love with, has asked me to go to the mall alone with him. As his girlfriend.
I have been daydreaming of him and I going out, but in my daydreams, we're not thirteen years old. We're like sixteen or seventeen. I don't know what to tell Jackson. For now I'm just telling him that it's really late notice to go to the mall or the movies tonight, and my father wouldn't let me go ANYWHERE with a boy that he doesn't know. Both are true. Jackson wants me to lie and tell my dad that some choir friends want to meet up at the mall, but I just can't lie. I can't lie to anyone without feeling horrible later. I once felt so bad after telling a lie to my daddy, that I ended up crying. I told that to Jackson, he told me to tell the truth. But the truth is, I couldn't go to the mall with only him. I'd just never be allowed. I'm thirteen, I'm not even sure I want too.
What do I tell Jackson? He's asked me out, he's asked me out after he has hurt me so bad. Telling me he was in love with two other people, telling me that he was going to kill himself, telling me that he is going to get drunk and hurt himself, again. That's not even half of the things he has said to me that has triggered me beyond belief, yet, I never stopped loving him. And now that I know he has the same feelings, but most likely not as strong as I, I'm scared.
I am terrified to be alone with Jackson. I love him, but he doesn't know that. He has no idea I have any feelings for him whatsoever. I've said to him "I love you so much Jackson," but I tell him that when he threatens to kill himself. I tell him I love him more then he could ever know, but he thinks I love him like he's my brother. Just my brother.
This isn't happening, he loves Stephanie, not me, Stephanie. No boy could ever have a moderate crush on a girl like me. And when I'm next to Steph, I'm exceedingly plain.
What do I tell Jackson? I'm truly terrified of what I am feeling right now, it's something that I'm not used too. I'm only thirteen, it feels like I'm in love, but I know that I couldn't be. He's hurt me so much, and I only want what's best for him. Right now he wants me. But I can't, I really just can't.

wanderer come home
you're not too far
lay down your hurt, lay down your heart
come as you are.

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NuHalo Offline
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Re: Oh no... Not another thread about Jackson.... :( - September 25th 2010, 07:54 PM

You sound like a very honest person, and I highly respect that. :3
Be true to yourself, and tell him exactly what you need to tell him of what you told us here. As much as you love him, you just feel you are too young for this, and that your parents would say no because they figure as much as well.
Jackson is very young too, and can be prone to irrational decisions like any young person could be. (Not that all are, I'm just basing it off what you told me.) Even though he says he will do this and that, he most certainly won't do anything drastic. He has no real reason too, and is probably just fishing for attention. (Not to mention he is probably just saying he is in love with more than one person just for the drama factor. )
You are young, and still have alot of years before you. Don't let this one silly boy get you down. You will know when you are ready, and there will be someone special waiting for you.

Take care,

Click here to PM me any time, I'm here to help you if you want to talk to someone.

Beware lest you lose the substance, by grasping at the shadow. - The Dog and the Shadow, Aesop
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