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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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annahlane Offline
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Unhappy drugs, lies & bad experiences. - October 4th 2010, 01:17 AM

I'm going to start off by saying that I'm not into drugs. I don't do them and I've never tried. All of my friends do them, and I know most people have tried at some point, but I don't feel comfortable being in a relationship with someone who does them. When I was around 15 I had my first boyfriend. He smoked weed a lot, and before we started dating I told him I wasn't interested in that and he made a promise, which I never asked him to make, saying that he would stop. I dated him for a year, and during that year he cheated on me, and lied to me about EVERYTHING you can possibly imagine, including the fact he was still doing drugs. When ever I found out, he would tell me that he was sorry, that it was a slip, and that he was done with them, had no interest in them. I was young, and like I said he was my first boyfriend, so I believed him and continued to date him. Finally, I decided I was tired of all the fighting and lying and broke up with him. I didn't date after that, until now (I'm 18). I met this new guy and he was too adorable for words. He was all shy and nervous around me ect, plus he was so nice to me and I really started to like him. We started dating, and we have been for about 4 months now. I had told him about everything, the lying and cheating, and how I wasn't okay with that, he seemed to understand, and he told me that he had tried drugs, and was done with them. I wasn't sure if I should believe him, but I wanted to. Last week I found out that he lied to me about a lot of things when we started dating (he told me himself, which I know is good), they weren't big things, but it still bothered me because of how I feel about lying, how not okay I am with it in a relationship. I told him he had to start being honest with me, or it wouldn't work, and he agreed. We had a horrible week. There was maybe 4 hours total where we weren't fighting or upset. Yesterday he lied to me again, about something small, and then confessed to a few other lies he had made, and today another one. One of the things he lied about was that after we had been dating about a week or two, he got high with a few of his friends (I had asked him that day if he did, and he lied about it). This was before we talked about how I felt about drugs and everything. Since we had that conversation he swears that he hasn't done it and that he doesn't want to anymore. It all feels too much like what happened when I was younger, and he's saying a lot of the same stuff. I don't know if I should believe him, forgive him, and give him another chance, or if I should just move on. Lying hurts me so much, and he knows that, and he also knows how uncomfortable drugs make me. can someone please give me ANY sort of advise? I'm afraid that I'll do the same thing as I did when I was younger: take him back and be lied to over and over again. I just want an unbiased uninvolved opinion on the situation. What someone else might do in my position.. Thank you to everyone who reads this and gives me any sort of take on the situation, I can't focus on anything else, and I know it's hurting him to. He keeps telling me that he isn't that person and that he will be honest no matter what.. that he doesn't want to make me feel that way.. help?
   
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Re: drugs, lies & bad experiences. - October 4th 2010, 02:44 AM

Hey there!

Okay, so we are so on the same page it's ridiculous! I'm not into drugs either, but most of my friends are, and I am currently dating a guy who swears he is done with them. I want to trust him because he gives me no reason not to and doesn't lie to me, but my past relationship makes me nervous and paranoid about the issue.

Right now, trust is #1. The most important thing. If he is lying to you, that is reason to end the relationship. Period. You do not deserve to have to deal with that...especially when there are good guys who could better please you in that way. I understand he is important to you and not just something to throw away, but you need to recognize that you deserve better. I suggest you give him one more chance and if you catch him lying again, end it. And let him know that you will. Stick to your guns. If he lies to you, he is not worth even a minute of your time.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more! Good luck and keep your head up!! (:
-Jen


how nice- to feel nothing but still get credit for being alive
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Re: drugs, lies & bad experiences. - October 4th 2010, 03:09 AM

Trust is deffinitely the most important thing in a relationship. If you don't feel comfortable with him or you don't trust him then you shouldn't be dating him. Maybe you should give yourself space. just be friends with him until you can trust him or find somebody that will treat you right. No one deserves to be lied to.


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annahlane Offline
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Re: drugs, lies & bad experiences. - October 4th 2010, 11:23 PM

thank you guys =)
I'm going to give it a bit more time to make sure,
but I think I know what to do!
   
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