Female Advice Preferred: trouble forgetting the past

[hazle-baby12]

my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, in the past he would get drunk and high all the time and he wouldn't care who he slept with and now I have problems trusting him and I don't know what to do. any advice??

[makeusmile]

How old is your boyfriend? I see you're only 16.
Also did he not care who he slept with as in he slept around while single? or he was a cheater?
I would be especially wary if he was a cheater...people like that have a hard time changing...doesnt mean they can't, but be careful.

Past behavior is your best predictor of future behavior....

this certianly doesn't mean people can't change
but be careful about who you're choosing to get involved with

[MisplacedDreamer]

Well, is he still drinking and doing drugs? How long ago was it? Does he look like he is making an effort to change? Was he depressed at the time? Does he say that he still plans on doing those things?

I would be cautious, but I wouldn't hold it against him. He wasn't dating you at the time. I would make him get tested before you sleep with him and give it time before getting too serious to make sure that he does care for you.

[MacGuffin]

That depends on a lot of things. It depends on how long ago it was, his reasons for doing it, if he has changed his behavior, etc. You have every right not to trust someone with a history like that, especially if it was recent. But if there has been some reform, you may want to consider giving him a chance. No matter what, though, I would not sleep with him until you can prove he is clean by him getting tested.

[hazle-baby12]

he's 17 about to be 18 and it was before we got together and it wasn't tht he cheated he just didnt care who it was tht he slept wit. he's quit everything but dipping to be with me.

[WillO'Wisp]

I have been cheated on before, to answer the question, but never cheated ON someone.
You've only been together 4 months, so how do you know he's really changed? I'm sorry but he doesn't sound trustworthy and I'm sure you can do way better.

[Ambiance]

It sounds like he's cleaned up to be with you, and you should give him a fair chance based on the way he is now. However, you're entitled to feel however you wanted about the way he used to be, and if it's not something you can see yourself getting over, then that's not fair on the relationship to either of you.

[Maloo]

If he's changed just because of you, then he's likely to become very unhappy. People need to change for themselves, not for someone else. When they stop doing something because someone that they're dating doesn't like it, they quite possibly can get a little pissed about it, and go back to doing it anyway.

And I don't really get how the poll ties into the thread...?

[MisplacedDreamer]

Originally Posted by Myss

If he's changed just because of you, then he's likely to become very unhappy. People need to change for themselves, not for someone else. When they stop doing something because someone that they're dating doesn't like it, they quite possibly can get a little pissed about it, and go back to doing it anyway.

And I don't really get how the poll ties into the thread...?

Well, it also depends on why he was drinking and sleeping around. If it was because he just broke up with a girl, then he may have reverted back to who he was previously.