Non-PG13: The most ridiculous situation [LONG]

[xBEAUTiFUL__crisis]

I guess I should first say that I had a boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and I broke up with him this October because I felt I needed space to find myself, you could say.

Lately I've been sleeping over at a friend's house every Saturday after I get out of work. I invited him to hang out with us the other Saturday because we had started talking again. We all had fum and I got totally hammered so fell asleep early. Our host fell asleep after me, leaving my ex and my best friend by themselves. I never noticed anything strange because...frankly who would? She's a lesbian and he's still trying to get back with me.

This last Saturday we decide to hang out again but no alcohol because the host's baby was staying with us. Again I fell asleep early. On Sunday my ex and my friend go out because they wanted to smoke weed or something, I don't know, anyway I stayed at the house, got the baby ready and went with the baby's dad to take him to his mom two towns away. When we come back to the apartment these other two are back. We expected them to be playing Call of Duty at first but I was getting these weird vibes... We sneak up, he kicks the door open and we hear scrambling, a thud, a scream and when we go into the room it smells like sex. I instantly notice her underwear on a chair, she's in the bathroom yelling that she fell in the shower and he's on the bed obviously concealing an erection. I text him asking if they did something and the phone rings on the opposite side of the room. I grab my things and go, so pissed off that when I got home I washed my car twice LOL.

As I washed my car I received an endless torrent of texts from her. "You're my sister, nothing happened." "I love you and I'm not attracted to him, I wouldn't do that to you." "You know me, and remember that I have a girlfriend." They made up this ridiculous story that she was having phone sex with her girl, but if that's what happened...why was the phone on the opposite side of the room? The story doesn't add up, and frankly I'm not stupid enough to believe anything that they're saying.

Eventually he goes to my house after denying everything and swearing on his 3-year-old little brother that he was telling the truth and tells me that he was in fact lying. She gave him oral sex last Saturday and this Sunday they kind of "helped each other out" to put it lightly. I told him all sorts of creative, destructive and colorful insults, and sent her a Facebook message letting her know our friendship is over and that she's a total piece of...

Later on I decided to wait for him to get out of work and talk to him in a much less hostile way. He was crying and very deeply sorry for what he did. He told me she came up with the story, she pressured him into everything, she reassured him nothing would ever be found out... To be honest I believe him. I know that she's that kind of person who would manipulate someone weak-minded like him...but how can I forgive him? I'll never forgive HER because after EVERYTHING I've done for her and knowing my feelings she betrays me like that. But I still love him although I'm super grossed out by him right now and I can't even look at him without wanting to punch him until his face turns to pancake batter.

So the questions are: How can I get over this situation with him? Is it even possible? Am I being too soft on him? Is this something that can be overcome or is it the type of situation that should be walked away from? Am I better off just moving on and eventually being with someone else?

Ugh... I hate all this drama.

[PlayingPretend]

To be honest I believe him. I know that she's that kind of person who would manipulate someone weak-minded like him...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it right here. I don't have much time to answer your questions, though I will in an hour or two, but this angered me a bit. This is complete rationalisation and to be frank, it's a ridiculous excuse. I'm not sure if 'helping each other out' means sex or not (as to me and my friends, it means different things) but it's not like he tripped and fell penis first inside of her and it's not like she took him by the throat and convinced him to let her give him oral sex that way. It's easy to put all the blame on her. It's easy to do that because then you don't have to believe the one you love did anything wrong. But here's the thing, it takes two to tango, and honestly, someone can only go so far as trying to manipulate someone. The other person actually has the choice of whether to give in or not. I had a situation with my ex where I could have been angry at his best friend (his best - male, mind - friend gave him a 'her or me' type ultimatum), but I wasn't. Why? Because my ex had a choice. Is his friend manipulative? Extremely so. But my ex still had a choice. Same thing here. She offered sex, a blowjob, etc. likely with no strings attached, and he went for it. That's all there is to it. But it's only going to harm yourself and your relationship (if you ever pick it back up again) if you sit there trying to convince yourself she manipulated him because poor little him is 'weak-minded.' No, he had a choice, and it's best for everyone that you remember that.

That being said, what you want to do really depends on what you want to do. You broke up, so technically he didn't cheat on you. I feel what they both did was rather inconsiderate, especially if your friend knew your feelings, but he's not getting off scott free in my eyes, to be honest. He should also have been more considerate, but if he's weak-minded, then I guess giving in to his male/sexual urges wouldn't be much of a problem for him. So in the end, though I can understand being emotionally torn up, and trust, I would be too, logically there is no way to dub it wrong. Because it happened when you two were broken up regardless of the emotional attachment you had to him. No one can answer whether you can move on from it or not. If I were you, I would, to be honest, but that's me. Not because I couldn't move past it, but because I feel that break-ups, even ones for needing space, happen for a reason.

Guess I did have time to respond after all.

[xBEAUTiFUL__crisis]

After mulling it over for a couple of days I completely agree with your post, lol. I've kept making up excuses and trying to justify what he did when, just like you say, it takes two to tango. They're both equally guilty and the only difference has been that he was honest with me whilst she said "I'm going to lie as hard as I can because this is one friendship I don't want to lose." If she didn't want to lose my friendship she shouldn't have been trying to do him. What bothers me the most is that she's supposed to be a lesbian...

I would not forgive her either way because as a so-called "best friend" she screwed up, but I might have understood better if I knew the reasoning behind everything on her part. All the time she goes on about how she hates men, penises are nasty, "ew straight people sex is disgusting", blah blah. He's a man, he was high, there's a naked woman offering herself to him, it was something stupid to do but he went for it and I like that at least he had the balls to admit it. Honesty is more important than anything.