I can't help him even if I wanted to

[Ali1898]

I'm a girl, the guy I'm dating was a great friend. We are don't get me wrong. He's great, he means the world to me, and we have alot in common, it's that person who I can talk to and we just fit. Well it's a long distance relationship, but we don't even get to call, it's strained as it is, on top of it all we both end up In a grip of situations that would really require spousal help but ofcourse we can't be like any other couple. Thank gosh we have trust. But my problem is that I can't help him. We can have a great night talking and being together (messaging.) then, he's upset and distraught. People pass away around him, he gets in fights, parents are upset, anything. I feel like why him. And I can't do anything, I think, he won't let me go but some girl near where he lives could help him way more. I do my best but tonight seemed helpless. Terrible in fact. He was drinking at a friends house and got into a fight, and then he found out that a friend and their family had been in an accident, and he didn't want to talk again. He left to go drink more, it really puts him down and I understand how it could, I just don't think anything I could ever say would matter to him, I'm just here. Why hasn't he just given up by now? I love that he's here, but I know i'm not helping him...

[jaimelu]

You're helping him just by being there, by being the one thing in his life that's stable, that's not going anywhere. His life is pretty hard for him, he's losing people all around him, so I think it means the world to him to have you there for him no mater what. Yes, it sucks that you can't be there to stop him from drinking and getting into fights, but there's only so much you could do even if you were there. You give him the stable, safe environment he needs but can't have where he lives. Sometimes just being there for him to fall back on can be the difference between just drinking...or cutting.