Cheating

[thebigmole]

Ok so I admit that the Maury show is one of my guilty pleasures. And while I don't believe what happens on the show is real, it makes me wonder about women that go back to men who have cheated on them, and the other way around. Personally for me, no matter the situation, kids or whatever, you cheat once and you're gone. I always hear this crap about "people make mistakes" well I don't see how you can accidently fall into someone.

I was just wondering about what other people's opinions about staying with cheaters are.

[Beeen]

Not really

[MacGuffin]

If someone cheats on me, they are gone. It shows me that instead of valuing our relationship and communicating with me, they decided to go and sleep with someone else as a way of coping. It basically shows me they choose themselves over our relationship and making it work.

However, I do think cheaters can be reformed. I say this because I have cheated before, twice. Needless to say, those were not my proudest moments. But I learned a great deal from them about myself, and I learned how to better handle problems as a result. I think, though, that that is highly dependent on the person and how introspective they are/how receptive they are to the pains of others.

[Jocelyn.]

I feel the same... I could maybe forgive someone for cheating, but could never forget. For the rest of our relationship them being unfaithful would constantly be in the back of my mind haunting me, and no doubt I'd probably bring it up every argument we had after-the-fact.

As for being the cheater.... I probably wouldn't want to be with the person I cheated on anymore either. I did it for a reason most likely, and I'd always feel so guilty, like I owed them something because I cheated.

Just couldn't see it working out in the long run.

[The Morrigan]

I agree with J. to an extent. I've been there and 'forgiven' someone for cheating (I put forgiven in inverted commas because I don't think I actually ever forgave him)
and after that incident the whole relationship was just different and I couldn't trust him and a relationship without trust is never going to work.

So I've learnt from that and I definitely wouldn't take someone back if they cheated.

[Acheron]

Yeah, I'd leave them. No point in staying with a cheater.

[PSY]

I could forgive, but I don't believe I could ever forget... and that would absolutely change how I felt about my partner from that point on. So no, I don't believe in second chances. Once you cheat, you're gone, no matter how much I love you, because sometimes love just isn't enough to overcome basic human emotions.

[PlayingPretend]

They'd be gone. Kicked out the door. They could come back later for all their belongings. ;D

If we were dating, they'd be gone and done with; I'd certainly forgive it, but forgiving it doesn't mean pick up the pieces of our relationship and a) try again or b) go for a friendship. They wanted me at all in their life, they should have considered the consequences when they couldn't keep it in their pants for another woman. If we were married, immediate reason for a divorce. If we had children, we'd sort it out in court. But no chance in hell would I ever stay with a cheater. I have more self-respect than that.

I also don't agree with the bull about "making mistakes." And I certainly don't agree with using "drunken mistakes" as an excuse, either. To be honest, I'd rather hear some crap about being seduced than I would "I was drunk." Intoxication isn't a good enough reason to cheat, especially not if it's a repeat or series of event(s). And I do believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater," and I think the chance of cheating goes up every time you forgive them and take 'em back. Because then they learn no matter what they do, you'll always take them back. And that's not how it goes for me.

I should note that I have very, very strong and hostile feelings towards cheating, but I've never been properly/officially cheated on and I'm actually quite lenient. My definition of cheating is kissing on the lips and anything beyond that or holding hands. Anything less than that doesn't tend to bother me, so long as the intention is platonic. But yer. I'm quite unforgiving when it comes to this issue.