Cheating

[I_am_third]

Cheating. Have you ever had to deal with it? How did you deal with it? Did you forgive? Could you forget? Any advice about coping with cheating is appreciated.

[Aletheia*]

I've been cheated on and I've also been the one doing the cheating.

My boyfriend of 7 months cheated on me while he was back home visiting (he moved to another part of the state) and didn't even tell me he was here. After not hearing from him for a week, I kind of figured it out on my own, but he opened up to me about it. I was, of course, very much upset but chose to forgive him. BUT, I met someone else, and ended up cheating on him (and the worst part is, he still doesn't know, and I am currently dating the person I cheated on him with).

Cheating isn't something easily coped with. No matter how long two people have been together, it hurts. Especially if it's kept from them and you suddenly find out from the words of someone else.

Forgiving and forgetting is something that's completely up to the person on the receiving end of the news. Saying the words, "I forgive you", can be true but it's likely you won't be able to trust them for a couple months and they'll have to win that trust back, and you might not always forget about it right away. After 3 years, I'm still not totally over it and think about it all the time (however, the girl and I are close friends now, for whatever reason).

Just remember that it takes two to cheat, and don't always put the blame on just one person, either your significant other or the other person involved.

If your unsure of what to do, tell them you need some time to think things over and you will make a decision. Make a list of pros and cons, and see how they add up. Sleep on it for a few days. Hopefully, the feel bad about it and it will never happen again but always take in consideration that the say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is often the truth in most cases but not all.

[MacGuffin]

I only found out I was cheated after that boyfriend and I had been broken up for a while. I found out from his new girlfriend (who I had become friends with) that every night when he was away in another state working during the fall of 2009, he would call her after he called me and tell her that he loved her (he was still in love with her). It wasn't physical cheating, but it was emotional cheating. At first, I was hurt that this had been going on without my knowledge, but I was able to easily get over it and say "let bygones be bygones" because we were not longer an item and I didn't have feelings for him anymore.

Cheating is a very serious breach of trust in a relationship. It's a sign that something isn't working out, but instead of fixing it, one person took on an affair in order to help cope with it. Everyone responds to this differently. Some people break it off then and there. Others try and work through it with the person. A lot of it depends on if you want to, and can, work to fix the hurt that was caused, learn to reinstate that trust and fix whatever issues weren't working in the first place. It's a lot of work to overcome, but if both parties are up for the challenge it can be done. However, BOTH of you have to be willing to get past the cheating. If you are with someone who has cheated on you, you must ask yourself if you think you can do the things above, while your partner is asking themselves if they want to fix things,too. If you think you can, then maybe you could save it. If not, you may want to consider the alternatives.

[WillO'Wisp]

I would never ever under any circumstances cheat on a person. I have been cheated on before and I dumped him. I would never forgive someone for cheating on me. I wouldn't even talk to him again. It's unforgivable to do that to someone.
To me, that says you don't love me anymore but you decided to not dump me, but lead me on and in the meantime go fuck someone else behind my back when I thought you were being loyal to me and you weren't. It makes you feel like a fool for trusting them.