TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts


Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr Hotlines

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Bumblebee Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Bumblebee's Avatar
 
Age: 23

Posts: 1
Join Date: February 13th 2011

Unhappy Not cheating but hurts? - February 13th 2011, 10:11 PM

I have had a most terrible weekend which started with my boyfriend and I going up to another university to visit some friends. We each hung out with a different group of friends and although I visited him and his friends numerous times, he didn't make a single attempt to come hang out with me and my friends. I was a little upset about that and we got into a few small petty fights, but made up. I had to leave early and spent Saturday night at home. Today I woke up to a wonderful picture on facebook of a girl sitting on his lap with her boobs in his face. I know this isn't exactly cheating, but it hurts so much and I feel I cant trust him anymore. Do you guys agree? What should I do? I've decided to give him the silent treatment, but he hasn't called or texted. My friends say I should confront it, but I have midterms in a few days and I don't want to get distracted.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Double X Offline
bee boop
I've been here a while
********
 
Double X's Avatar
 
Name: Kyle
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Location: Boston

Posts: 1,626
Join Date: March 11th 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 13th 2011, 10:22 PM

He sounds like a flirt. Flirts are high-risk for leaving their partner, because they like the attention and the chase. I know you really like (love?) him, but if you are putting in more into a relationship than you are getting out, it's actually making you regress as a person and you should move on


"We will ask nothing. We will demand nothing. We will take." -- May 1968, French Graffiti
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 9,090
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 13th 2011, 10:57 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp!

Well, I have three questions for you:

1. Did your boyfriend upload this picture, or did someone else? If he did, then I'm sorry, but he's a pretty crappy boyfriend. Don't waste your time by dating him. If someone else uploaded the picture, however, then maybe there's more to the story (even though "a picture is worth 1000 words"). He could have been drunk, he could have pushed her off soon after that, it could have been part of a REALLY lame dare that he now regrets taking part in, etc.

2. How will giving him the "silent treatment" solve anything? The only way to solve problems in a relationship is to communicate... and you're not doing that. Granted, neither is he, but that doesn't make what you're doing any less "wrong". If you want to resolve this, then talk about it, or at least tell your boyfriend you want to talk about it after you've taken your midterms. Don't avoid him, though, and that won't make you feel any better OR solve this problem.

3. How much do you really care about this guy?






Last edited by PSY; February 14th 2011 at 06:00 PM.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Harmony♥ Offline
Proud Military Girlfriend
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Harmony♥'s Avatar
 
Name: Shannon
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: IRAW!

Posts: 5,748
Join Date: March 31st 2010

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 14th 2011, 12:48 AM

You need to confront him about the situation. As Robin said above, it could have been a dare, or a stupid joke his friends made him do. Peer pressure is never easy to go through regardless of the situation.
You do need to find out more about the situation. If he did it just for the hell of it, then, he truly isn't worth your time and you should end things if that's what you feel is the right thing to do.
He was probably more interested being with his friends since he probably doesn't get to see him often (is this true), so that's most likely the reason behind why he didn't make any attempts to visit you and your friends, even if you took time out of your hanging out with your friends. Most guys are jerks in this way (I had the same situation happen before, only my boyfriends ex girlfriend was involved in the equation with the hanging out, no pictures, thank the lord).
While giving him the silent treatment is sometimes effective for most situations, it's probably not a good one for this particular situation. Communication is a huge part of a relationship, and you need to talk to him about what happened. Get the story.
I hope I've helped!











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




HelpLink Mentor 6/13/2011
Pregnancy & Childcare Moderator 11/26/2011
Fashion & Style Moderator 12/28/2011
Social Groups Moderator 12/28/2011
  Send a message via AIM to Harmony♥  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
WillO'Wisp Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
WillO'Wisp's Avatar
 
Gender: Other

Posts: 1,753
Join Date: December 31st 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 14th 2011, 01:02 AM

I think that it was wrong of him to do that and you should definitely confront him about this, tell him that if he keeps up this kind of behavior you're through with him.
You deserve someone who treats you with respect and keeps your feeling in consideration, and with this kind of behavior and also displaying it openly on facebook where you can see it, he was not taking you into consideration and acting like an arse.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Acheron Offline
El Tigre
I can't get enough
*********
 
Acheron's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: Laying traps for troubadours

Posts: 2,108
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 14th 2011, 01:29 AM

I think you'd have trouble finding a guy who didn't get into a few pictures like this occasionally at university. Certainly not one you'd consider a relationship with. Chances are, the picture is no big deal. If you want to confront him about it, fine, but if you make too much of a production over what's probably an innocent picture he'll just see you as a typical hysterical girl. At the same time the silent treatment isn't going to solve anything, not at long distance and especially not when he isn't calling you.

I'd be more worried about the fact that he hasn't tried making plans with you. But once again, it isn't necessarily an issue. Not every guy phones all the time, especially when he's out having fun at university. And it's entirely possible that if you're visiting him a lot, you're seeing each other enough that he doesn't think of trying to visit you.



   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
abandoning Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
abandoning's Avatar
 
Name: no one
Age: 23
Gender: Other
Location: nowhere

Posts: 263
Join Date: January 19th 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 14th 2011, 05:05 PM

i'd throw a bitch fit and kick both of their asses.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
PlayingPretend Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
PlayingPretend's Avatar
 
Name: Elliotte
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: California

Posts: 1,384
Join Date: October 19th 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 14th 2011, 05:27 PM

I don't think I'd care for it too much either, to be honest, but at the same time, I can't say I've never goofed off like that before. Granted, for me, I'm female and it's always been with my female friends, but in the past, I've had photos taken with my male friends where I'm laying on them or their arms are around me etc. and it's meant nothing. And to be honest, I've seen boys with girlfriends and girls with boyfriends take pictures such as the ones you describe, and though I don't necessarily find it tasteful, I do think it's innocent and nothing to worry about. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't necessarily confront him about it. Knowing me, I'd probably do something more along the lines of commenting with something like "Nice picture. Can I go next, or do I have to take a number?" but laughing things off is often my way of dealing with things, unless it's really, really bothering me.

So I would do my best to try and let this one. If you can't let it go, then it might be worth bringing it up to him. Don't accuse him of cheating, don't flip on him for his "blatant betrayal," etc., but just tell him the picture sort of tapped into an insecurity. That's the only way I can think to bring it up. But once he gives you his story, you have to be prepared to drop the issue. If this is something you never forget and continue to bring up... It's going to cause problems. Like I said, more than likely it's an innocent picture and nothing more.

And giving him the silent treatment isn't going to do anything but exacerbate the situation, to be entirely honest.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
Member since April '07
Outside, huh?
**********
 
bitesize's Avatar
 
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Ireland.

Posts: 3,839
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Not cheating but hurts? - February 15th 2011, 03:51 PM

Those kind of pictures are never lovely to see, but they often mean nothing. I saw a similar one of my ex once that i got upset about, until I looked through my own pictures and spotted a couple that at the time had been perfectly innocent but that he could have taken the wrong way.
Love I don't think you should keep up with the silent treatment, i think you should call him and try to sort it out. I know you have exams that you don't want to be stressed out for, but if you don't try and sort this out it'll just be preying on your mind anyway. The sooner you talk to your boyfriend about this the sooner there's a good chance you'll feel better and can concentrate on work. Best of luck. xx


Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive anyway.

Reach for the stars so if you fall you land on a cloud ~ Kanye West

Mistakes are minimized by experience and experience is maximised by mistakes.

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
cheating, hurts

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off





All material copyright 1998-2014, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.