Marriage talk... so soon?

[Boxy]

My girlfriend talks an awful lot about marriage; how she wants to marry me, and start a family, etc.

There's nothing really wrong per-say with talking about marriage.. it's just that we've been together not even a full 4 months yet.. I just feel like it's way too soon to even THINK about marriage, much less tell your mom that you want to get married and such...

Is it just me...? Or am I right to be somewhat bothered/concerned by this?

<3 Boxy

[MorganaJazz01]

I agree you need to make sure that you are ready. You need to stop and think about it and think do I really want to do this and is this something I can handle in my life right now. If your in school it would be best to finish school first so that you have time to get your life in order and actually be able to start a family. It’s not cheap to start a family.

What I suggest is that you take your time to fully weigh things and to think about it. You need to make sure what you are doing is right for how you feel. Let your gf know how you feel and let her know that you don't want that right now. If you want it later let her know that your not saying no all together. But I suggest that you sit down with her and have a chat with her to let her know what you are thinking cause its never best to let them talk about it and leave them hanging.

If you need any more help please feel free to PM me in chat.

[Boxy]

Yeah, I did that... I told her that marriage is so far off in my book b/c I'm in college, and then I need a job to make money and eventually get a place of our own.

She seemed understanding about it and said she doesn't plan on marrying soon or anything.. that she just wants to.

idk.. the topic just makes me uncomfortable I guess.. and she just talks about it all the time like it's no big deal.. at least that's how it seems to me..

[PSY]

Maybe she's testing the waters. You don't want to get married any time soon because of college, and that's perfectly understandable. She may want to know, however, if you'd be interested AFTER college... because she wouldn't want to stay with you for 4+ years, only to discover you WEREN'T interested. She might as well ask now, so that if the answer is "no", she can get out of the relationship and find someone else.

I do think four months is a little too soon for a super-serious conversation about marriage, though. Discussing it openly, sure. Making specific plans, not so much so. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell her, and try to identify what exactly is making you uncomfortable. Is it talk about marriage in general, or is it how specific she's getting.

[Boxy]

I'm just uncomfortable with her being so serious about us. I mean, it's not that I'm not serious or committed. It's just that.. idk I feel maybe I have a more realistic view on life? I'm not going to plan marriage after being with someone only 4 months just to have wasted all that time when it doesn't work out... I'm not trying to be a pessimist though... I'm just wanting to enjoy the fun before we get all structure and family and stuff if that makes sense...

[Thomas_TGT]

Dude, I'd TOTALLY be concerned about it for a couple of reasons!

a) That's way too early in the relationship to even consider marrying each other. You're still getting to know each other. What if she finds out something about you that she doesn't like? Something like... You enjoy farting out loud in public?!

b) That's too early in LIFE to be talking about it. You guys haven't experienced what it's REALLY like to be with other people. You haven't lived together, there are certain things that you haven't experienced together yet, either. You're 18, you're just BEGINNING to live life, and while marriage is a cool thing, and I'm totally down for it, there are definitely things you need to experience before you "tie yourself down" to another person.

This definitely isn't a "break up with her" speech, and it isn't me giving you permission to go out and be a man-sloot, but it is a "you need to talk to her and tell her to calm herself before she gets too attached to you" speech.

Good luck!

[Boxy]

That's what I'm saying! lol
She swears up and down that her love for me won't change and even if I stop loving her, she'll always be mine because she wants no one else. And as good as that may sound in theory... That's an awful lot of pressure... it makes me feel like if we ever break up it'll, no matter what, be my fault or something..

And I totally agree that it's too early in LIFE to be talking about it because I want to be able to do a lot of things before it's all over.

We haven't lived together exactly.. but we've lived together for like a week at a time a few times. So it's not like I don't think I couldn't live with her. But I did already tell her that after I finish college and what not, when I get a place of my own, I want her to move in with me so we can live together at least a year before we get married. Mostly because you don't know how people really are until you live with them for a long period of time and have fights and learn how to make up.

I told her that I don't want to be tied down, but not in those words.. because I didn't want to hurt her feelings by making it out to be like she's holding me back.. even though marriage would kind of hold me back (at this time in my life).

I definitely don't want to break up with her over this... Since it's not like... THAT major. But I just feel like I'm having unnecessary stress placed upon my shoulders..

AHAHA "man-sloot" I'm female :P

She's already attached to me... and I'm attached to her.. I don't think there's a way to reason with her and tell her not to be attached..
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Thanks for the advice so far guys

<3 Boxy

[Thomas_TGT]

Originally Posted by Boxy

AHAHA "man-sloot" I'm female :P

Whoops! My education professors are always telling me I need to be a little more politically correct in what I say, I guess this is proof! Haha, my bad!

[amystery]

I can totally relate. I've been in a relationship for almost 5 months now and we've talked about marriage and stuff and it freaked me out. We played truth alot and the topic would come up. So would the baby convo since I'm a huge kids person. But joking about it and mentioning it in passing were two totally different things after he said he could actually see us married and with kids in the future etc. I guess it just made alarm bells go off in my head. it was like okay woooah slow down too serious too fast. Try and just slow it down explain to her that you enjoy how things are right now and that maybe one day you'll be ready to think about those things with her but right now you aren't ready for all that and her bringing it up is putting strain on you and your relationship as a result. Just be honest about where you stand with her. Tell her things are getting too serious too fast and that you're not ready for all these things. While you do like her now and enjoy the way things are right now you arent ready to think of your relationship in forever terms and something so serious such as marriage.

[rac146]

Idk if anyone else has noticed this, or this is just my experience (it definately could be) but in both relationships I've been in (Both long term, 1st one almost 2 years and going on a year in april with my current) the topic of marriage/kids came up early on(4-5 months) - and pretty often too. Once the relationship(s) settled into the comfortable phase that relationships slip into when people know each other better, that talk all but vanished. I think once my partner(s) knew where I stood with those big topics, they stopped bringing it up. This may be the case with your girlfriend. Like PSY said, she may testing the waters, and in time she will not feel the need to bring it up. If she keeps bringing it up frequently though, it's time to have a frank talk with her about how uncomfortable it makes you feel.