Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Making Sense of Everything (Female advice especially)

[TigerTank77]

So I'm sitting here, trying to make sense of everything. What happened, what went wrong. It's also really long, so buckle up.

We were together for... 11 1/2 months. We met over the internet, became close very quickly. She came forward, saying she really liked me first. She sent me the relationship request on facebook. We both wanted it.

We fell in love very quickly. We were long distance, but we saw each other plenty. Once or twice a month, for days at a time. Sometimes weeks. We spent all of July and August together. The sex was awesome. I gave her the best she's ever had (her words). I used to put her in 20 minute comas.

All time the time, we would have arguments over who loved each other more. She claimed I could not possibly love her more than she loved me. And I usually let her win. She wanted to get married, or at least joked all the time about it. I honestly have never felt this way about a girl before. She felt the same about me.

For my birthday (December), she wrote me a two page letter, front and back, about how much she loved me, how awesome I was, and how much I meant to her.

Christmas, we spend another long period together. Xmas day, to January 13th. She was excited to spend valentines day with me. She couldn't believe it was going to be a year March 8th. She was so happy, so excited.

And then, it all fell apart.

Late January, early Feb, she became distant. We stopped talking as much. Our routine of talking every night on the phone, which we had done every night for 11 months, was broken, when she simply didn't talk to me.

Then, early Feb, she got mad at a comment I made. Stopped talking to me for entire day. During that day, she apparently did a lot of thinking. That Saturday, she decided we needed a break.

She thought that... in the long run, it would strengthen our relationship. She said that she felt more like my best friend than my girlfriend. She said that she needed time to think, but she still wanted to talk normally, and that no matter what, she said she'd be in my life regardless of the outcome. I asked her if she had feelings for someone else, she said she wasnt interested in anyone else. She asked me if someone else came along, if i wanted to know about it. I said no, and I meant no as in don't fucking do that. Apparently she mistook. what I said.

I didn't... handle it well. I was an emotional wreck. I probably hurt us both more than i should have, but i simply could not grasp what was happening. I went along with it, I had no other choice. I loved her. I wanted it to work.

At one point, before v-day, it seemed things were getting better. She even said she'd be my valentine. And then, Friday, I went to dinner at my dads, and it all fell apart.

I found pictures of her, kissing another guy on facebook. She had him block me so I wouldn't see it. My fucking father, had to tell me about it. I was so mad, I called her and confronted her about it. And she acted... she acted like it didn't even matter. Like since I didn't know, I had no right to be mad.

I knew who the guy was. he was 25, 7 years older than her. His parents were rich, and he had money to blow my default. He was ugly, fat, and was an asshole to everyone. But he liked her. He liked her since they met in October.

He showered her with money. At first I was fine with it, because the money let her come see me. We cracked jokes at his expense, she would constantly complain about him being too needy.

And then, back to where we were in Feb, she thought she had feelings for him. And that she wasn't ready to commit. That she wanted to be free and not give a fuck, and be a teenager. And she wanted to date him.

I... couldn't handle it, and I called everything off. Big fight, I told her to choose, she called me selfish. He actually came onto her cell phone and tried talking down to me.

A few days later... we started talking again. We tried to be civil. I made posts about it, her giving him a chance. Her saying she still wanted to rebuild. For a week, it was fine.

Then, the next weekend, i had a dream about her. It was happy. It made me happy. And i wrote about it on facebook. I felt good.

She however, flipped shit. She had been facebook snooping, and stopped talking to me. Got mad at me. Called me selfish again, told me I didn't have to deal with anything and asked what about what she wad doing was so stupid. I told her I didn't want to fight.

The next day, was the last time we ever spoke.

I tried texting her, and he texted me back. Said I blew it, she never wanted to speak to me again. proceeded to again talk down to me, how he only allowed her to stay in contact because he wanted us to stay friends, and how we were only long distance fuck buddies at the most. I told him off, he continued to be arrogant.

Then she texted me "Ben, leave me alone, you are a psycho. Goodbye"

And then her and I traded choice words. She told me has was a better fuck, I told her she was an immature bitch and in a month she'd be back. At this point, i don't think it was her sending those last messages, but... I just don't know.

And... that was it. That was the last thing I ever said to her. Two of her friends tried to confront me and call me an immature hypocrite, but that was the last I ever spoke to her.

I can't believe it ended this way. I don't know what I did... what I should have done, what I did wrong... I just don't get it.

I'm so mad at her for what she's done. But I miss her. I've thought about trying to write to her, to apologize and clear the bad air, but I don't have anything else to say. I don't... I just don't know.

Part of me knows what happened. She got bored, and scared, and ran away, because she was immature.

But... I still can't believe this happened. It shouldn't have. We were perfect.

If you've read all of that... sorry haha. But I could use some insight. I thought I was over it, but I guess I'm still lost.

[Magic.]

Sweetie that sounds awful, and you definately didn't deserve it!! You sound like you were the perfect boyfriend!
Getting over someone is hard enough, without having to deal with such bad circumstances. But you will be ok, you will get over her. Mainly because you deserve someone who treats you much better than she did.
If you can try and cut her out of your life, I know that's hard. But delete numbers and messages and block and delete facebook friendships. And definately cut him out too. You don't need people like that and the quickest way is to just cut them off, emotionally it can be really hard, but in the long run it's better.
PM if you need to talk

[Pelios]

Oh god what a mess.
Just from reading this I can tell this is a tough situation to be in. Here is what I get... you and her were dating long distance, one day out of the nowhere she decides she doesn’t love you anymore you are ok with it and take a break she starts seeing this other rich kid but still has feelings for you so you guys got back together on Valentine’s Day and you find pictures of the rich kid and her kissing so you get mad and fight about it she tells you it is nothing blah blah blah…
To be 100% honest with you it sounds like she doesn’t even know what she wants. I know it is hard right now to let her go but it’s in your best interest both for your emotional and physical health to let her go until she grows up a little and knows what she wants. It’s going to be hard but you don’t want all this negative energy around you (the rich kid, her, her friends) just let it go, give yourself some time to heal. I guess that’s the best advice I can offer, sorry.

[TigerTank77]

Thanks guys.

At this point... i feel like I want to try and talk to her, to clear the bad air, but to then not talk to her for a while.

The fact that this ended so badly... I just don't get it.

[Brandon]

I don't really have anything much more to add since we talked on the chat since we're all hi-tech and shit these days but this is a tough situation to be in and I think she's just frustrated and I don't really think she knows what she wants. I'd suggest you let the metal cool down before you touch it.