We never have a "serious" conversation

[Missy07]

My boyfriend never wants to have a serious conversation with me. When I try to, he makes it into a joke and starts trying to make me laugh. He does this so we won't have to talk about the subject at hand.

When I say "serious conversation" I mean one about our relationship. It is like pulling teeth to get him to talk seriously about us. Whenever we have a problem, it gets swept under the rug but it just comes back a few weeks later and it NEVER gets solved. I hate this, but when I try to talk to him about a problem, he does one of two things: makes it into a joke. Or he does a whole pity party thing, like "oh its all my fault. I'm just a screw up." And it gets dropped after that.

We've worked out most of our problems (like the ones I was writing about over a month ago ) But we still have problems with things like this. The biggest one is COMMUNICATION. He'll talk to anyone else in the world, except me. When we're together, he only wants to talk about what HE wants to talk about (car stuff, guns, trivial stuff). If I try talking about MY stuff (school, friends, etc) its like he's barely paying attention/doesn't care to hear it, or he changes the subject.

I care about him a lot. I really do. But I know the simple fact of it is that he is selfish. I feel bad for saying that, but God knows it's true. I don't know how to approach this subject with him....

Any words of advice? Please and thank you.

[SummerTiger]

Hey,

Hmm... I know what you mean here. Sometimes I feel this way about my boyfriend too. Once I asked him why he was making my attempt at a serious discussion into a joke, and his answer was that he's tired from doing schoolwork all the time, and wants to have a bit of humor in his life.

For me, this hasn't been as noticeable of a problem though. In part I understand where he's coming from. Also, I have faith that if I really ask him to stop trying to dismiss an issue in some way, he will talk it over with me if only for the sake of my feelings.

That said, I've thought of the possibility of bringing up his tendency to joke around as a potential problem, and here's what I think. I think you should just say it like it is: that he always talks about the things in his life, and you feel that it's unfair that any news or conversation topics you bring up don't get nearly as much attention. A relationship is a two-way street, and he should take an interest in your lifestyle just like you are supportive of the decisions HE makes.

One thing not to do is to attack him about it. Then this might escalate into an argument, which nobody wants. Or he might get defensive and raise the iron curtain between you two, which would suck.

That's how I would start dealing with this issue... I hope my input helps in some way

Hugs,
-Tiger

http://www.ehow.com/how_4488158_star...boyfriend.html

I cannot believe eHow has this, but upon reading it, it's actually... useful

Good luck!

[jadamson]

It could be because your age brings you to a phase in your life where you're not ready to be serious yet. Guys mature slower than girls, so you cant expect them to be just like you.