Is he going to cheat on me?

[Bella Strifehart]

Okay! First of all, I want to thank anyone who can help me! Please, please, please. It's urgent and I don't know what I should do.

Basically, I have a boyfriend. We've been dating for a little over a year now. I never used to have trouble trusting him, but as of late, I feel like he isn't trustworthy now.. He's done a few things behind my back. He wasn't exactly "cheating" on me. They were just things I didn't like. For example, asking another girl for her number and claiming he just wanted to "make a friend" and then talking to his ex-girlfriend secretly (which I didn't even know he had) and telling me that I wasn't allowed to talk to my ex-boyfriend. Things have gotten slightly better after I got angry with him and we had a HUGE argument. I made him promise me he would never lie and hurt me like that again. Of course he said he wouldn't. BUT.. Now I realized he has some sort of a friend.. that's a girl. He keeps mentioning her in conversations. I don't know if he's just trying to make me jealous (I'm a very jealous girl, obviously) or if he actually LIKES her. I don't like hearing about her and what they talk about. I want my guy all to myself. I love him. Yet, I know she's just a friend but I don't want him to keep talking to her all the time.. And bringing her up in OUR conversations.

I'm so stressed about this. A lot of my friends have been telling me to just dump him. He's also a little.. weird. He's a depressed guy who had a traumatic past and it affected him mentally. He's a 17 year old, horny boy. I don't expect him to be any different but his personality is eating me up inside. He's dull and he gets VERY inconsiderate at times. He ignores me and he doesn't understand that I get jealous when he talks about other girls like that. I've been trying to give him more space but I just want to know if he's loyal! Do you all think he's cheating on me? I need help! Is that girl just a friend in his eyes? I don't know how much they talk every day. I want to tell him this but will I be overreacting? Should I just dump him if he keeps me up at night crying? Is he bad for me?

I don't want things to end like this.. But I've been trying for a very long time and I've sacrificed many things for his sake.

[Concrete Angel]

Hi Bella,

I can't really say that he's going to cheat on you, or that he is.

What I really think you should do, though, is talk to him. He needs to understand how you feel. Not just hear you argue with him about it. You need to help him understand that this kind of situation makes you uncomfortable. He needs to know that you're not going anywhere.

You first need to accept who he is. When you accept who he is, you'll understand what he does in any situation and why. And I also want to point out, before you probably get into a small conflict here...is that, having a traumatic past, being depressed and such, is not weird. It's just how some people are.
This depression and his past seem to be strongly determining who he is and how he's behaving towards other people and you. If you love him so much, then you should take the time to find out what causes him to be the way he is. Give him your time, and try to get him to understand you in the process. You can go forward from there. You really need to help him understand how you feel and vice versa, is what I really feel.

Hope things work out! PM/VM me if you need to talk. Take care <3

[Aletheia*]

It's never a good thing to keep your significant other from talking to someone. I do agree that bringing her up in conversations all the time would be a little annoying. But, telling him not to talk to her at all? That's a big no-no. Talking to your boyfriend is the best option here. Tell him that you'd appreciate it if he wouldn't bring her up all the time, letting him know the real reason for not wanting to hear about her. I do think it's a little contradictive that he can talk to all these girls but not allow you to speak to an ex or any guy friend. But, being jealous and wanting to keep your boyfriend to yourself isn't the same thing. What your doing is selfish. This has caused strain in my relationship countless times because I'm worried my boyfriend will cheat on me (that's how we started dating because we were seeing each other while still seeing other people for a short period of time!). But, I just keep telling myself that trust is a number one priority when it comes to relationships, any relationship. Sure, he has done things in the past that you don't like, but you can't keep him bottled up for you forever. It just doesn't work out that way.

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.

[PlayingPretend]

I'm going to cover a few separate items here. For one, you say that your boyfriend is "dull," that he can be "inconsiderate," that he's a "horny" run-of-the-mill 17-year-old guy, etc. You say he has a past that's taken its toll on you, too. He stresses you out, and he occasionally ignores you. Why are you intent on keeping this relationship? What about those issues makes you intent on keeping this relationship? I don't want to hear "well he's a really good guy when it comes to..." or "well I really do love him..." etc., because that's not what I'm asking. I don't need his resume. What I'm curious about is how are you dealing with those particular issues? And what about those particular issues are you able to ignore/set/aside/etc.? People oftentimes soften someone's fatal flaws with other positive attributes. Sometimes you need to look at the flaws themselves, as being isolated, and figure out okay, here are the problems, now what are we/am I going to do about them.

Second, you say you've sacrificed so much for him. The fact that you stopped speaking with an ex for him is mild proof of this. Whether or not he still speaks/spoke with his ex-girlfriend, that doesn't give him any right to dictate who you're talking to. Yes, to an extent, relationships are about sacrifices, but only sacrifices in the form of a compromise. There is no compromise in "I don't want you speaking with your ex-boyfriend." What other sacrifices have you made? Again, weigh these up. If you're making three times the amount of sacrifices, and therefore he's trodding all over that, again, is it worth it? I know you say you don't want things to end this way, but sometimes things do go out with a bang.

Speaking directly in relation to how you're feeling about his friend, you honestly cannot flinch at him talking to every female while you're not around. I'm sure you speak with other guys? Even in passing? How often have you cheated? Well there you go. It's possible he lied to you about his ex-girlfriend because he knows how you would react (though I agree that it's unfair of him to say you can't talk to your ex while he's doing the same), but to get angry at him for getting a girl's number because he "wanted to be friends with her." It's quite possible he actually did want to be friends with her... ?

Relationships are built on trust, trust and communication. It's important to let him know how you're feeling, but letting him know how you're feeling does not mean telling him to stop getting numbers or stop making female friends or stop talking to this female friend or get rid of her entirely. That's a demand, and it's a band-aid. Because this isn't the first female friend he's going to make. If he gives her up for you, you will ask him to do it again, because it will be a temporary fix for the jealousy and not a permanent one. It would be reasonable to ask him not to bring her up all the time, yes, but don't tell him to not bring her up at all and certainly don't tell him to stop speaking with her. He's his own person, and he can make his own decisions. If you can't trust him/your relationship, then maybe it is time to let him go.

As I said, relationships are in part about sacrifices, but neither of your sacrifices should involve giving someone else up because of the other person's insecurity. No matter how threatened you might be, you have to realise that he is with you. So far, he's been honest with you (since he told you he wouldn't lie to you etc.), so I would assume there's not much to hide unless he's been dropping inappropriate hints about her.

[Mandiie&&NoahTanner]

(Shortest response)
I have trusting issues with everyone, so I've been thinking my boyfriend would be cheating on me as well. He always gives other girls wall posts on fb about how beautiful they are, but they are also friends of mine as well...But I still get jealous

In your situation, no guy is worth worrying that much over, even if he says you're over reacting. He may not be cheating, but he should still understand where you're coming from, and your jealousy, is completely understandable. <3

[Bliss12]

Ask him strait where is this relationship going and where do you stand with him. Tell him how u feel. make sure he understands you and you can come to a conclusion