Problem with boyfriend coming home during work.

[Twisted]

I love my boyfriend more than anything, we will have been together 2 years at the end of may and we live together. He works full time mon-fri, I'm currently unemployed looking for work. The thing is he comes home pretty much every day during the day from work (when he's got the time obviously) sometimes twice or even thrice. I didn't mind at first, but we spend a lot of time together and it is nice to be on my own for a while during the day. He says he comes home to see me which I appreciate but I don't see why he has to come home everyday.

We had a fight today because he came home about five minutes before my lunch was ready and he was going to have a cigarette (no anti-smoking lectures please). I smoke too but I don't like people smoking around me when I'm eating or just before I eat, the smell puts me off. I said to him that I didn't mind him coming home but he always manages to time it so that I'm eating or about to eat. I may have said it in the wrong tone to be honest but I'm starting to get annoyed by him always coming home when he's supposed to be at work. I know he only works down the road but it's not an excuse for him to pop home every 5 minutes (bit of an over estimate). Anyway the exchanging of words resulted in him going back to work, cutting his home visit short.

I joked one day that he doesn't have to keep checking up on me, he said he wasn't and I don't think he is. It just feels that way just because he's coming home on a daily basis and even if he does just want to see me I find it hard to believe that this is the only reason. Is that bad of me? Is it normal that I feel this way with regards to him always coming home during the day? I have nothing to hide from him and he did come home yesterday whilst I was out to eat the sandwiches I made for him. But still is it necessary every single day? Any help would be appreciated I'm worried about when he finishes work later and comes home, I don't want him to be upset because of what I've said.

[Aletheia*]

Your not in the wrong. I'd be pretty annoyed if my boyfriend came home every single day from work. I would also get the feel that he's checking up on me. Maybe that is what your boyfriend is doing? He is gone all day, and your home all alone. While I think it's cute to stop in sometimes, work and keeping a job is definately more important than stopping in for a quick hello everyday. You two live together, so a fair amount of space during the day is healthy, and you said you enjoyed that. Have you ever thought about maybe going for a walk on those times that he is 'scheduled' to be coming home from work to "visit"? Just to give yourself some time to breathe. And, also, if it truly bothers you, have a serious talk about it with him when he's actually home from work for the day, not just home for a short period of time. Let him know that while you enjoy seeing him, that work is more important right now, especially since only one of you is working at the moment, so only one source of income is coming in. Try to get him to tone it down to once or twice a week, and have him come home for his lunch. Make him something special, and eat with him. It could turn into something just the two of you do.

[Twisted]

We've talked about it and he said on his own accord (without me having to mention it) that he's going to stop coming home every day, that was a couple of weeks ago now and nothing's really changed. I will probably talk to him later, tell him that I didn't want to make him feel bad but I really think it's important he get into the habit of not doing It every day. I wouldn't mind if it was a couple of times a week but it just feels like to much. He can get away with it because he's a delivery driver so he's out and about and almost always has time to spare after finishing his drop offs. It's not affecting his work but it's affecting me lol. Thanks for the fast response.

[Monster.]

The two of you both live together right? Well maybe he is coming home because...it IS his home too! I mean where else would he go if he wanted to relax for a bit? He most likely wants to see you as well since you are his girlfriend and enjoys being around you but another part of it is that it is also where he lives.

If you were working wouldn't you want to come home and relax when you had a chance?

But if you have asked him stop coming so often he should respect your wishes to.

[Twisted]

Not sure how to respond to that, I know it's his home too and he comes home to relax for a short while but I just don't think it's healthy for him to do it as much as he does. Forgot to mention we live with my parents currently and when we move we probably won't live as close to his work. I just think it's important for him to get into the habit of not coming home so frequently as he won't be able to eventually. He's had trouble with jobs and this is the first job he's had in about 3 years that actually has some stability (steady wage, permanent contract etc) he can't afford to jeopardise that for the sake of 10 mins at home. Like I said I don't mind him coming home a couple of times during the week but every day 1, 2, 3 times a day just seems like too much.

Edit: I am aware that I may have contradicted myself by saying it's not affecting his work and then saying he can't afford to jeopardise his job. I meant that in the sense that when we move it won't be as convenient to just drop by every couple of hours, so if he persists then it may make him run late, they'll question it and his job will e at risk etc. The reason I say this is because it happened with one of his previous jobs where he just wasn't putting the hours in, coming home frequently and eventually he got sacked. Just covering my back there...

[Mandiie&&NoahTanner]

It's not at all you're fault that you feel this way. Sorry. Writers bloc right now. Usually I give good advice. xP