Triggering (Suicide): PORN destroyed my life!

[future_at_stake]

Hello guys! I'm kind of new to this forum, well actually I just joined a few minutes ago. I'm just going to get straight to the point. My life feels like a disaster right now and I think that the cause could be porn but there are other factors which you guys will eventually identify as I continue further. So lets begin with childhood. Well I started watching porn at a very young age, like when I was 8 years old?!? (I know it's very common now) and when I started (as usual) it felt SOOO good so I kept watching & watching VERY frequently. My priority was all about PORN. At this point I'm pretty sure you guys can guess that I got addicted to masturbation which is true by the way. I ignored my homework and rarely did revise anything after school but yet I managed to get through school with excellent results in my O Levels. I thought it was normal and that the frequency at which I used to indulge myself in porn was ok, until I spoke to some of my friends. They said that they did watch porn but not as frequently as I did. Still I thought that maybe I had a higher sex drive & so I'd use that as an excuse to continue. Soon enough I realized that my friends had moved on to the "real deal" (actually getting a girl). Not that they had sex with any of them (yet), but they genuinely wanted to start a relationship. This is when I realized that I couldn't interact with girls. I had trouble making a move or even an attempt to make friends with them. The only way I could do so is if I had another friend introduce me to the girl or if the girl came up to me. So this problem aggravated up to the point where 99% of my friends have a girlfriend and I don't. How is this a major problem? Well now they don't have time for me because they're "busy" with their chicks. I feel left out. Call it peer pressure if you must, but I'm looking at it from a different perspective.

As I've mentioned above about the other possible factors that could have contributed to this problem is my DAD!! He's a paranoid control freak. From young I was always restricted to whom I could meet after school (let it be boys or girls). My outing with my classmates/schoolmates/friends was EXTREMELY limited in fact probably restricted. Whenever I ask, the response will be a NO and justified by the fact that I have to study!?!? Until now I have not gone out with my mates for a movie, to a shopping mall, group study or anything else that normal kids are allowed to do. How is this a factor? Well since I can't get out of the house, how am I to have a girlfriend. Even my mobile phone usage is monitored. When I say monitored I mean questioned at any moment I'm seen texting someone. My dad goes "Who are you texting now?" everytime I text (EVERY FU*KING TIME). How am I to get in a relationship if my freedom is within the walls of my home. The only freedom I do get is unlimited internet usage without the need to get permission whenever I feel like surfing the net. Hence I've turned to porn & masturbation to satisfy my needs and it's a serious problem. My FU*KED up childhood has crushed my self confidence to approach a girl or to do anything on my own
To sum it up, I would like advice on how to revive my life so that I can be normal like others. I'm in college now and the clock is ticking. If I don't rectify this problem soon enough I fear that I'll be single for life.

[UnaPocaDePaul]

Well, firstly, don't think that just because you don't have a girlfriend at your age it means that you'll never ever get one because that's wrong. Girls at your age are probably more of a learning curve than anything and I believe I'm the same age as you as I'm doing the stage up from O levels too. What your dad's doing will pay out in the long run if you actually do study, but I agree that if he's telling you to do it constantly it's far too much.

Have you tried doing say maybe an hour or two studying and then asking to meet up? Maybe he'll see it as a reward for doing the work? As for the phone, what would happen if you just said you were texting friends? Does your dad have a reason for being this controlling?

Hope it all goes well

[pimp752s]

I dont think porn is the problem the problem its your controlling dad parents should never be like that it can really screw you up

[soccerbabess16]

i totally understand, i am a girl and have been addicted to porn and masturbation.