Im pretty sure its over :(

[Crimsonkin]

Here is a follow up on my situation

Original Thread here > http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f9-re...rig-self-harm/

Well im preaty sure that it is over between us after almost 3 years of being together (September 14th would have been our anniversary) i think she is going to break up with me. Heres what happened i keep trying to talk to her about this whole thing but she keeps blowing me off. So i had to know whats going on. So i looked in her chat logs and saw her chating with her best friend. Then i come across a few line of text that just made me want to cry

GF: man you could cut the tension in this house with a knife tonight between adam and me
GF: i have r relationship as complicated thought it needs just be none existant
GF: you love who you love and you can trick yourself in to loving someone
GF: i fell out of love with the relationship awhile ago

This broke my heart into many small pieces when i read it. But she does have a good point you cant make someone love you. Still i saw this 2 days ago so im already prepared for when she says its over. But its still going to be hard. I loved this girl so much been though so much with her. She had a really bad back injury that she got awhile ago. Well within the first few months of our relationship she hurt it again. No one would do anything so she was in constant pain. She did not have insurance so no one would do the surgery she needed. I worried about her so much and cried so many times for her cuz i just wanted her to be better. I would be there by her side when ever she needed me. It was so hard on me seeing her like that. Well about a month ago she got her back fixed and she is doing alot better. I looked forward to spending time with her. Because before she could not even do much. But i stayed with her even though she was broken and could not do much. I loved her there was no other choice for me. But now a month after she gets better she wants to end it with me? I just kinda feel used. Other then that i just wish she would have told me awhile ago when she fell out of love with me. I live here with her and her parents which is going to make it even harder to get over her. I really have no other place to go. I know they wont just kick me out but i dont want to be here anymore. She would always talk about how she wanted to get married and how we where going to do it weather her mom likes it or not. I mean she would always wear the ring i got her the one time for valentines day, But now she has taken that off another point pointing to the fact that its over. I need to get away from her so the healing process can start. Then again another part of me is kinda happy thats its over. I always though that we where a bit of an odd couple but i would suppress those feelings because i wanted to be with her. Our relationship was always a bit strained. I think more then that i just wanted someone to love me. But at the end of all this i still do love her very much.

So let the slow healing process begin.

[Harmony♥]

Firstly, for the healing process to begin, there has to have been something done. She hasn't broken up with you yet. This might be seen as a dick move, but dump her first before she can break your heart. That part has already been done, but she doesn't know it yet. Do you have any friends that will let you stay with them? It's not going to be easy staying in a place with so many memories.

[Crimsonkin]

It is officially now over. Im a mess already bout to go talk to her. I need some validation I need to hear from her why she would take my heart and rip it to peaces. I will keep you guys updated

[PSY]

I agree with Shannon. If you want the healing process to begin, you have to get out of your girlfriend's (and her parents') house. Is there a friend (or group of friends) you can rely on for a while, until you can get a job and save up enough money to find an apartment/roommate(s)?

As for whether or not you should beat your girlfriend to the punch - I'm a little bit torn, because you haven't actually had "the talk" yet. Based on your girlfriend's words and actions, however, it really does seem like she's set on ending the relationship. She just hasn't mustered up the courage yet, or maybe she's hoping you'll come to the realization on your own, thus making things easier for her. If you really, truly think this relationship is worth saving, then I would initiate "the talk" as soon as possible - as in, tonight, or the next evening when your girlfriend isn't doing anything. If you think this relationship is over, however, then tell your girlfriend you're done, and start making plans to move out.

Take control over whatever you can, whether it be by initiating "the talk" or breaking up with her first, so this process isn't dragged out for any longer than it needs to be. Right now, she has all the control, and that feeling of helplessness will just increase your anxiety.

EDIT: Sorry, you updated this thread while I was typing out a response. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out. I wish you all the best. I still think the best thing to do right now is start making plans to move out. The healing process can't begin if you're in your girlfriend's/parents' house.

[Crimsonkin]

Yeah because so far she has only talked to me online about this and i need to hear from her in person whats going on. I need closure. I have already started to look into places to go i dont rly have many good options

[Harmony♥]

I'm so sorry Adam! This is such a crappy situatiton to be in. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, whenever you need someone to talk too! <3

Anyway, keep looking; if you've got some extra money lying around, try looking up motels in the area that are cheap. Depending on where your from, Motel 6 or 8 usually have good deals for around $50 or $60 bucks (not sure if this allowed here, but just wanted to let you know!)

Just try to get her to talk to you; face to face. Everyone needs that closure, and when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after two years of being together, we stopped a long lasting friendship and stopped talking, and to this day, almost three years later, I still don't know what happened between, but in my situation: I don't care anymore. I found someone who hasn't, and will never will (at least I hope<3) break my heart.

Just PM me if you need someone to talk too; Im always here.

[Crimsonkin]

Really im not as upset as i though i would be. Its kinda funny i already have another girl that admitted she liked me and i think i like her too. But im gona wait a few weeks before i try and dive into another relationship.

Now thats its over i dont think that there was much damage. I mean yeah i had my good long cry about it and all then i realized that i would have to be crazy to spend the rest of my life with this girl. We dont have much in common and we are on two totally different lvls.

Now i really dont care if we talk or not she does not care enough to talk to me then fine so be it. I just dont care anymore. Im done! She was a real bitch to me most of the time anyways.

Im kinda happy that it is over. I still dont want to be here with her though o well i will figure that out as it comes

[Harmony♥]

I'm glad you've figured things out, and you are doing the right thing by not jumping into a relationship right away. You don't want the girl to feel as if she's a rebound, especially if you begin hurting over your ex again because it is possible that you might. Your going to go through all stages of a break up: denial, anger, hate, and finally forgiveness. I'd say your in the anger and hate stage here.

Good luck <3 I wish you all the best.

[Crimsonkin]

Haha im moving right along in the stages! But in all seriousness it feels good to be single again.

[Harmony♥]

That is usually what happens.
Yeah, it's great to be with someone.
But, after such a long relationship, it will be a lot of fun to be single again. You'll be able to go out and not have to worry about leaving her behind, or whether or not she is okay with it.
I'm glad you're going to get through this Adam!

[Crimsonkin]

Update: I am going to move back in with my parents they invited me back! WooT!

[Harmony♥]

Aw, that's so great! I'm glad you found a place you can go.