Hes afraid to love me.

[justfallinginlove]

So i have a thing with this guy. Weve been friends for about two years, then recently, about the last 3 months we got involved.
Lets start at the beginning.
We started texting and talking and becoming better friends.
We started flirting and liking eachother.
He asked me out and i didnt want a boyfriend at that time, because i had just been through a bad breakup, so we broke up after a bout a week.
We didnt speak for about a week.
We started talking again, then i started liking him. We decided to wait a little to make sure id still like him.
After two weeks i still did so he asked me out.
We were the perfect couple for about a month, then one day we decided we just simply didnt like eachother anymore. It was the most sane breakup ive ever had.
We didnt talk for a few days then we decided to be friends with benefits...baaaad idea. i ended up falling for him, getting hurt and crying.
We didnt talk for a little, then we made out at a party and i got ticked because of what some people said, not related to him.
After this we didnt speak for about a month, and summer rolled around. In this month alot happened and i was in a very dark place. I was crying and contemplating hurting myself, then his name popped up on my phone. He stopped me. Since then we have become closer than ever. Shared things we've never shared with anyone. And I told him how he had stopped me. He was so supportive. Being that it was summer we videochatted alot and talked on the phone and texted and facebooked. He fell in love with me. And i did him, but not as hard as he did for me. Over the course of our relationship he had told me he was scared, and afraid to love me. I was the one person who could hurt him more than anyone and this scared him. This time was no exeption. He practically cut off all comunication and when we did text, he was very distant. He keeps trying to stay away from me but he cant. And i dont want him too. It hurts. And him trying to not fall in love with me makes me feel all the more broken than I already do. But even if we didnt love, we cant ever be just friends. I need him in my life right now, hes the only light i have when im surrounded by darkness. How do I keep him in my life and make him feel that its ok to love me? I need him. Losing him would be my breaking point. I cant lose him.[/color][/font]

[PSY]

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! I'm sorry it took so long for you to receive a response.

Unfortunately, you can't convince someone to love you, to let their defenses down when they're not ready to do so. So if he's not willing to be a constant presence in your life, you'll need to find other people who can support you. Those could be anything from family members and friends, to teachers and guidance counselors, to people whom you've never met before.

Don't think of this as "losing" him. You just can't have him in the way you want him right now. Think positive thoughts - this is not the end of the world for you, or for him. It's just a time for the two of you to grow and heal apart from each other. Your friendship/relationship may even become stronger as a result. It's important to learn how to live life independent of significant others - becoming codependent on someone can be just as unhealthy, if not more so, than being separated from someone you care about.

I wish you all the best. Take care!

[hipsage]

this is a hard one. there are ALOT of guys, myself included, who are so scared of being hurt and alone. this is no exception. hes not doing it on purpose, and he doesnt want to loose you either. if hes like the rest of us, hes probably crying himself to sleep with a picture of the two of you. what would work for someone like us is you go and give him a big hug, and i mean a squeeze and tell him youre scared of being hurt two. dont be afraid to cry while you doing this, it shows just shows much you mean to him. then do something special, something you two did that set you appart from any other relationaship, then go watch the sun set together. i hope you two stay together, it sounds like you are meant to be together. jope this helps and contact me if you still feel you need to talk. all the best -chris-

[justfallinginlove]

Originally Posted by hipsage

this is a hard one. there are ALOT of guys, myself included, who are so scared of being hurt and alone. this is no exception. hes not doing it on purpose, and he doesnt want to loose you either. if hes like the rest of us, hes probably crying himself to sleep with a picture of the two of you. what would work for someone like us is you go and give him a big hug, and i mean a squeeze and tell him youre scared of being hurt two. dont be afraid to cry while you doing this, it shows just shows much you mean to him. then do something special, something you two did that set you appart from any other relationaship, then go watch the sun set together. i hope you two stay together, it sounds like you are meant to be together. jope this helps and contact me if you still feel you need to talk. all the best -chris-

I can totally see him doing that...thats defiantly his personality. The only issue is its summer and I cant drive yet so im not sure how to do something that shows him how much he means to me. Any suggestions? And thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

[tammyv41]

If he really loves you then what is the point to be afraid.Love makes you brave just talk gto him and make things clear what he really wants?

[justfallinginlove]

Originally Posted by tammyv41

If he really loves you then what is the point to be afraid.Love makes you brave just talk gto him and make things clear what he really wants?

because love is scary...we have talked plenty, talking makes it worse.

[justfallinginlove]

okay so as an update, 2 weeks ago he said that by the end of the summer he couldnt help but let himself love me. hes back from camp now but now hes not texting me or calling me or anything and im not being obsessive cuz i like him, its just that hes one of my best friends also and we used to be really close, i just miss that.