Girlfriend Problems...

[MasterofTofu]

Sometimes it is crazy how relationships work out. My girlfriend and I started dating in June of this year, and the relationship has had its ups and downs but we have known each other for a couple of years and been through a lot.

So basically this girl and I have known each other for a couple of years, but it wasn't until this school year (2010-2011) that I really became interested in her. She showed her interest in me back in December by inviting me with her best friend to an event nearby (sorry I'm being ambiguous, but I'm not giving out names or locations). She was holding my arm and making subtle hints that she was interested, but I didn't act on it. Well prom time comes around April, and she asks me if I would go with her. I figured her and I were really good friends, so I said yes. But shit hit the fan really quick. Within five days she was ignoring me, not talking to me, avoiding me, and I had no idea what was going on. Every time I tried to talk to her she would be a total bitch and it finally got to the point that I flipped out on her and she called off going to prom with me. We were both super upset, and we continued to fight up until mid-May. It wasn't until early May that I truly realized I "liked" her, as more than a friend...which was the biggest reason I was so devastated we were fighting.

After a month of not talking to each other, we both finally found the time to sit down for a couple of hours and talk about what happened during April. She was freaking out on me during April because of "commitment issues"...in other words, she was afraid of getting too close to me. She was upset that she, in her words, "had ruined a good friendship" and wanted to make things better. We started texting again, and a couple of days later I let it slip that I liked her. At first she was definitely not happy about the news, but we went on a date to a parade a few days later and she said "no guy has ever been that sweet to me before". We started "officially" dating then.

Since then our relationship has been fulfilling but it is also very chaotic. She seemed to get over her commitment issues really quickly. She tells me she loves me and is, for the most part, sweet to me. However, there are several problems I have in the relationship that are eating away at me. She will be living in Arizona for the next four months as a university student while I am all the way in Oregon, 1300 miles away. The distance itself isn't the problem though...its the fact that she doesn't seem at all enthusiastic about texting me or using Skype to stay in contact. She tells me she loves me, but at the same time when I bring up genuine concerns to her she gets angry really quickly. I won't lie, I am pretty needy for a guy. If I go fifteen minutes without a text from her without prior notice she won't be able to text back I start to get worried and irritable. I always make sure to get back to her as soon as possible, but she just does not show the same kind of interest in me as I do her. She rarely tells me when she will be unable to text back. There have been several guys in her past, all of which treated her badly (by my standards). She did flings, not relationships. There was sexual activity but no intercourse or anal. I know it sounds silly that I am freaking out over not getting texts from my girlfriend, but if any of you have been in a long distance relationship that was formerly a mile apart I think you would understand how this is bothering me.

I tend to stress a lot about stuff like this, and I hate having people mad at me. Yes, I am a people-pleaser...I can thank my mom for that trait. Am I holding her to too high of standards? For those of you who text your girlfriend/boyfriend, how often do you text? How many a day? I need to know whether I should be worried about her intentions or if I am just over-complicating things and getting worked up about something that might just be a small issue. I love this girl to death and I want to be with her more than anything, but the stress is really getting to me.

[fransh]

My first post, lets hope it's a helpfull one.

Anyway, my personal experience with girls who are not very keen to stay in touch, is because they have more things to their head right now.

For example, I really liked a girl some ago, and I was pretty sure she liked me too, but pretty much the same as in your case, you are really keen to stay in touch in any possible way. For me this ment trying to be on FB pretty much all the time, texting, messenger, but she never really went online just to be in toch with me, if you understand what I mean, in my case she didn't really saved some time to chat with me, her friends and other hobbys went on the first place, mainly, I was at the second place. This does not mean she doesn't like you, this is what regular girls in my life/school mainly do.

My point: She likes you, but she doesn't think about you all the time, while (yes, it's true) we, boys do. (As far as I've experienced)

I hope this might help you a bit, I've recently joined the forums to find some help for my own doubts and troubles too, and it helps me to have some people experiencing the same kind of problems, hehe. At the moment I'm typing this I'm having the same feeling as you do, but again, my point is, her intention is not to stress you, It's about other things that come first to girls, mainly. (While this is not the case when boys truely like girls)