Do people change?

[trumpet]

For those of you who have been following the dramatic saga of my love life there is a new twist...
I broke up with my boy friend, we'll call him R, in July after about a month of him falling off the earth, not seeing me, and not being able to take time for me on my birthday. THe reason I broke up with R wasn't that I didn't have strong feelings for him, but rather I couldn't deal with the way our relationship was headed.
Well being back in school means I'm comming into contact with R more. At first I felt really mad because I felt like he'd forced my hand into breaking up with him. However we've started chating more and whatnot I feel all my old feelings resurface.
SO the question is has he changed? I don't want to go through this relatoinship the exact same way it happened last time. I want to know he will put forth more effort and hopefully he will learn to be a better boyfriend.
So I guess the question would be does this make any sense, can people change, or am I setting myself up for heartbreak?

[Aletheia*]

People change all the time, but in this situation, I can't really say for sure. I don't know you or R, so I can only go off what you've told me here. He stopped talking to you for a while, and then you broke up. The thing that you have to remember is that it didn't work out the first time, who is to say it will a second time around? These are all questions you have to ask yourself before you can think about another relationship with this guy. He is acting like he's changing, but you should take some more time to figure out if he really has changed or not.

[Dr.Bobby]

Abbie, people change, I've dedicated my life to that and watching it happen!

However, for change to happen they have to know what it is that needs changing, and I'm not hearing form you that you've told him. In the absence of that, a clear convo about what you see and what you feel and what you need from him, the answer is that unless a meteor falls from the heavens and whacks him, no, people don't change. There needs to be some event, some realization (either from themselves, or a trusted relationship, or that bit of flying inorganic matter!).

Give him that information, tell him what you see and feel and think and need, and see if he can begin to address it. But, in the absence of that, don't confuse your old, longing, loving feelings for actual change (and optimism) in him.

[Baxter]

Old feelings are exactly that, old feelings. Just because you feel that nostalgic attraction towards him doesn't mean he's let go of those other traits that caused you to break up. Someone's attitude and personality generally doesn't change drastically in a span of 3 months. Unless he was particularly hurt by the break up, or genuinely feels like he did something wrong by ignoring you, I wouldn't count on it. The majority of strained relationships seem to go through more than one break up. Seems hack, but sometimes the best option is to just move on.