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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 1st 2011, 08:04 PM

Um, so I got this girl's number, and I have just started texting her. Now I already had an idea that she would be a little bad-girl. She wears lots of dark-eyeliner, and she just looks like it in all her pictures. But she is in honors and friends with good kids, so I took a chance and started chatting with her.


Well so far her conversations have consisted of how her sister was drunk, how she drove without a permit and her mom was screaming at her, and how she drove her dad and his friend home drunk without having a license...


Um....yeah...it's REALLY awkward and quite honestly is kinda intimidating...can someone give me some advice on how I should handle this? Should I try going with it or try helping her and making her better?
   
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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 1st 2011, 09:02 PM

I think if its making you uncomfortable then you should talk to her, and tell her how you are feeling. While, it may be awkward telling her, not telling her will only hinder your relationship even more in the long run. To be honest with you it sounds like she's trying to get your attention but its more like a cry for help kind of attention. She may not have told anyone else about these problems and now she's trying to get the help that she needs to be happy. Sometimes people where disguises (in this case the dark eye liner, and bad girl appearance) could be to cover up the fact that she's scared and alone and really needs someone to talk to her. I do not think that backing out on her and leaving her would be a good thing. I would stay with her and try to talk to her, make her realize that you are there for her (as a friend or whatever you want) and tell her that you want to be there for her. If things turn out to be really bad or whatever, you may want to think about telling someone or telling her to tell someone like a guidance counsellor or a trusted adult. I hope that this helps. If you want more advice going forward Ill pm you so that you know who I am. Stay strong!


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 2nd 2011, 01:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by alibear101 View Post
I think if its making you uncomfortable then you should talk to her, and tell her how you are feeling. While, it may be awkward telling her, not telling her will only hinder your relationship even more in the long run. To be honest with you it sounds like she's trying to get your attention but its more like a cry for help kind of attention. She may not have told anyone else about these problems and now she's trying to get the help that she needs to be happy. Sometimes people where disguises (in this case the dark eye liner, and bad girl appearance) could be to cover up the fact that she's scared and alone and really needs someone to talk to her. I do not think that backing out on her and leaving her would be a good thing. I would stay with her and try to talk to her, make her realize that you are there for her (as a friend or whatever you want) and tell her that you want to be there for her. If things turn out to be really bad or whatever, you may want to think about telling someone or telling her to tell someone like a guidance counsellor or a trusted adult. I hope that this helps. If you want more advice going forward Ill pm you so that you know who I am. Stay strong!
I disagree. I wouldn't tell her that you feel intimidated by her, that is an insult. If you don't feel comfortable when she talks about things such as that, I would try and change the topic.
I also don't think she is for sure trying to cover up how she is feeling. She may just have that tough personality, and like the style of dark eyeliner. You can't judge a person based on their outer appearance.
I think if you just don't feel comfortable thats a sign you two are very different and it can mean that things wouldn't work out between you too. Conversation is a very important part of a relationship and if you feel intimidated then that could cause a problem.
What do you like about her so far? Maybe try getting to know her a little bit better and then decide if you think you two would get along well.


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 2nd 2011, 05:55 AM

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Originally Posted by Melody View Post

I disagree. I wouldn't tell her that you feel intimidated by her, that is an insult. If you don't feel comfortable when she talks about things such as that, I would try and change the topic.
I also don't think she is for sure trying to cover up how she is feeling. She may just have that tough personality, and like the style of dark eyeliner. You can't judge a person based on their outer appearance.
I think if you just don't feel comfortable thats a sign you two are very different and it can mean that things wouldn't work out between you too. Conversation is a very important part of a relationship and if you feel intimidated then that could cause a problem.
What do you like about her so far? Maybe try getting to know her a little bit better and then decide if you think you two would get along well.
This. Being intimidated by a girl and admitting to it wouldn't be a good idea. She may be insulted by this, and never speak to you again. However, change the subject when she brings up uncomfortable topics for you.











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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 3rd 2011, 03:09 AM

So far I haven't tried telling her I am intimidated by her. Instead I have just talked to her and gone with it. What I like about her is that she is sort of quiet like I am, and not one of those loud, party girls.


Thanks everyone for the advice so far!
   
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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 3rd 2011, 03:27 AM

Thats great, I would just keep that up. Maybe once you get to know her better you won't be as intimidated by her. Some people may seem tough on the outside, but they're really sweet people on the inside.


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 3rd 2011, 03:28 AM

She's just confiding in you cause she feels comfortable with you. If it's making you uncomfortable don't say, "whoa to much info" say something like, "I don't think I'm good at giving advice for a topic like this." She should take the hint.

But I think she just wants someone that understands her and will talk to her. So take it as a compliment and just talk to her

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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 01:51 AM

Hmm well so far she has not texted me back even though I told her Saturday night to 'text me later' and she said ok. I am wondering if she forgot or she just wasn't interested or maybe she is just really really shy to text back, or maybe something else? Theres a lot of reasons that could be why she didn't text back but how do I text her now if I told her to text me? Do I ask her why she didn't text me back or should I text her in a couple days?
   
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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 01:56 AM

Well I can't tell you what she's thinking, but I would wait a few more days then text her. Don't ask why she didn't text you though, that could come off as clingy. Just converse with her as if you were never expecting her to text you. If she doesn't respond, that may give you a hint to weather she wants to talk to you or not. However if she doesn't respond it does not necessarily mean she doesn't want to.


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 02:13 AM

Yeah, I know what you mean. I am 15 and I have grown up with a sister who is now a sophomore in college. I understand all the behind the scenes that goes on like if she isn't in the mood to text, if she is wondering how soon to text back, if she is too tired, if she is having irl problems, if she is trying to play some sort of game, etc. etc.
   
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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 04:04 AM

The answer to your original question is really determined by your expectations here, what you initially wanted from all this. It sounds like it's now different than what you first thought, yes?

So, the question isn't so much about 'intimidation' (that sounds like a away of saying it's different and unexpected and probably more than you bargained for) as much as it is how much the reality of who she is fits with what you want. If If that's still in line, then you just continue, and when in doubt, ask her how you can help when she brings up the heavy duty stuff.

If not, if this isn't what you though (or what you were attracted to) or what you want now, then you back down and cool things off.

Getting to know someone entails finding out what's beneath the surface, and sometimes it's not what we either thought of typically want. In those cases, it's often best to move on, even if it means (temporarily) being alone.


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 04:27 AM

Sounds like she's wanting someone who will be a true friend to her. She's probably just cracking the surface of what goes on in her life. Continue to try to be friends with her, hear her out more than anything, and hopefully this will help.


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 08:47 PM

It's hard to tell what she wants. While I am attracted to her because of her quiet personality, that is also the killer. She is very quiet and shy and when I do talk to her she opens up to me.


I would be getting more advice other then here, but right now my woman-advice friend is not picking up her phone lol!
   
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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 4th 2011, 08:57 PM

Personally, when things make me uncomfortable I don't deal with them. You're not in a good friendship or commited relationship, correct? You just started talking to her not long ago? Great - then just stop talking to her.

I'm a rude person who can't feel guilt so this works great for me Maybe not so much for you. But seriously, don't waste time on people that you don't think are going to work out for you.

I'm going to assume that you're a much nicer person than I am who would at least feel the need to inform someone before communication ended. Here's the thing. If you don't feel comfortable with just quitting talking to her, then you obviously care enough about her to want to help. Just listen to her. Maybe she needs someone to open up to. Just don't take all her stress onto yourself. Just because you listen doesn't mean you need to absorb.


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Re: Whooooooooooa....Not what I expected please give me much-needed advice - October 5th 2011, 02:09 AM

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Personally, when things make me uncomfortable I don't deal with them. You're not in a good friendship or commited relationship, correct? You just started talking to her not long ago? Great - then just stop talking to her.

I'm a rude person who can't feel guilt so this works great for me Maybe not so much for you. But seriously, don't waste time on people that you don't think are going to work out for you.

I'm going to assume that you're a much nicer person than I am who would at least feel the need to inform someone before communication ended. Here's the thing. If you don't feel comfortable with just quitting talking to her, then you obviously care enough about her to want to help. Just listen to her. Maybe she needs someone to open up to. Just don't take all her stress onto yourself. Just because you listen doesn't mean you need to absorb.
I don't think giving up is really the answer. You said she is a lot alike you, and to me it sounds like you two could work then. You are probably just uncomfortable around her because you don't know her yet. Once you get more used to her, it may not be so bad. You shouldn't just stop talking to her right away without giving it some time.


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