How would you talk to your Bi. Bf about... taking a break from the relationship?

[Hawkest Sevrae]

So my relationship has been past the honeymoon phase for a while... and we are very serious... not sleeping together serious, but actively talking and such serious... more like fairly fancy promise ring, marriage, jobs, college, parents, protection and such serious, but I'm thinking of telling my boyfriend that we need a break from our relationship. NOT breaking up, just taking a break.
I've discussed with him the fact that our relationship is slightly dysfunctional, and we have remedied that... but now he's informed me that he's had a crush on one of his (straight as a board) guy friends. He told me when we first started out that this relationship wasnt his first. I was okay with that. He said I was his first kiss... I believed it. When we first started going out I was a very... reactive person. As time went on I have become more proactive. Then recently he told me i was his second kiss, the first he'd willingly received and enjoyed, and that he had had a BF before any of his Gfs... I am his third Gf, fourth relationship in all.
So, now my main concern is what else is he hiding from me? I'm half scared of telling him this, because he used to cut and he has slipped up recently, and I do not want him to start again. His household is abusive and dysfunctional, he suffers from depression, anxiety, and verbal abuse. Before anyone suggests it, I cant call CPS, I have no evidence and he wouldn't testify against his abusive mother... and if she had to talk to someone questioning her about raising her children.... she'd likely beat my bf to the point where he'd have to be out of school for a few days to cover up.
I Just need a break from the stress. its terrible on my health and my parents and teachers are getting concerned about my health.
I just need some... okay alot, of input on this.

[yeahbro]

This post is a little unclear as to why you want to take a break?

It sounds like he needs you with the anxiety/abuse/depression.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you want to take a break because you wern't his fist kiss and he's hiding other things from you...

Have you said it outloud to yourself? It's pretty immature! I mean, I had my first kiss in grade 6...

[Nicole!]

I am also a little confused as to why you need a break. Is it because he lied to you about being his first kiss? There are several reasons for this, but rather then taking a break the best thing to do is the opposite. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you need to know that you can trust him. But make sure its a conversation, not a debate or a fight.

[QuantumModulus]

At a glance, it seems like you want a "break" because he is unstable, and because anxiety over his situations causes you detriment. All fair enough. But I feel as though I should bring up a few things that came to me while reading:

• It makes sense to be irritated by the fact that he has a crush on his guy friend. I don't know who wouldn't be.
• Whether or not he had his first kiss with you is completely irrelevant. Completely. It's not as though he values your relationship less because it wasn't the first.
• Relationships are built upon trust, and if you don't trust him, the relationship will deteriorate. Quickly. Remedy this by asking him for full honesty, or reconsider whether you want the relationship at all.

Your story about his personal life is a bit contradictory...if you called CPS to report his mother, she wouldn't beat him. That would only make her situation worse.


If you don't want to be with him because of all of the residual stress that comes from being with him, then just say so. Be honest with yourself.


"Breaking up" and "taking a break" are, from what I can tell, the same things. They both imply that either you don't want a relationship at all, or that you don't want a relationship with him -- but in any case, he won't take it any less harshly if you say one rather than the other.