Should I tell my friend I'm dating her ex?

[PureLithium]

So, long story short, my friend dated this guy for 6 months. Well, the entire course of their relationship consisted of breaking up and getting back together every other day because T (the girl) would always cheat on her boyfriend. They finally broke up again (supposedly for good this time ) and I started talking to J (the guy). We found out that we really connected and even hung out together and had an amazing time.

Problem is, we don't know how to tell my friend, his ex. She's purposely doing stuff to hurt him like sleeping with guys and telling him even when they aren't together. He's over her and wants to be with me, which I'm ecstatic over. T is the type of girl who would beat the sh*t out of me if she found out so...how do I tell her? I sit with her everyday for 30 minutes at lunch. There's no way around not seeing her anymore.

[BruceLeeDemarcus]

Well the way that I look at things, if what you are keeping from your friend is about your friend, then your friend has a right to know. If its not really about your friend, then they don't have to know. If you want to tell your friend and its too hard for you to actually say it, write your friend a note about what's going on. Explaining how you feel about this person and why you feel that way. Your friend should accept you for who you are. Sure your friend might be mad at first, but they have to get over it sometime.

[Nicole!]

The longer you keep this from her, the worse it will be. Its best if she finds out from you and not somebody else. Sure, it will be tough to tell her but she deserves to know the truth and most likely she will find out in time anyway. They are broken up and she seems to be having fun, so I don't think it is wrong for you two to be together. Especially since she cheated on him so many times, thats a terrible thing to do. Just be honest with her, and she will be mad for awhile but I'm sure if you give her time it will all blow over.

[Aletheia*]

I agree. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. If you think she's going to hurt you, I'd bring J or another friend of yours to ensure this doesn't happen. However, if she is going to continue to hurt him, she's going to find out one way or another but it's best to come from you. He has every right to date whomever he wants, and if that's you, then she needs to learn how to back off.

[PSY]

My question is, "Why are you friends with T?" She sounds like a horrible person! Screw what she thinks. If she ever lays hands on you, get an adult involved. Otherwise, let her be angry... know that any anger directed toward you is really anger that she doesn't want to direct toward herself.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by PSY

My question is, "Why are you friends with T?" She sounds like a horrible person! Screw what she thinks. If she ever lays hands on you, get an adult involved. Otherwise, let her be angry... know that any anger directed toward you is really anger that she doesn't want to direct toward herself.

I agree with this, she does sound like a bad friend. Really, she shouldn't have cheated on him and you have a right to date him since you are going to treat him right.

[Dr.Bobby]

I agree you might ant to re evaluate the basis of your friendship with T.

But, you might also want to evaluate J's intentions with you to make sure he's not playing you to get back at T, who's playing him.

In either event, you should tell T in a very matter of fact, direct way, one that doesn't at all seem like you're asking for permission, which you do not need here!