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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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katie4evrr1 Offline
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Exclamation How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 03:36 AM

Okay just to give alittle back story to this, i have been dating this one guy and he is amazingly sweet. I LOVE to talk to him and we get along well, plus we have alot in common. Our relationship is still fresh. but the problem is.... only way to put it is my body doesn't respond to him. No stomach flips, no being turned on, no responding even to hugs.
I basically want to cry over this because he is a great guy. I thought it was a problem with me at first, then i talked to this other guy... this guy is a great friend and i DEFINATELY respond to him. Only thing is he is a huge player and has done it more then most adults. Im still a VIRGIN and i refuse to give that up. But that is probably more then you need to know...
Moving on, i haven't even kissed the guy im with because it is ... akward?... when it comes to physical things. This suxs this suxs this SUCKS! My friends are all telling me to dump him and i can't! i feel wrong doing that... Plus the 2nd guy i talked about before is very, flirty? i dont know ... with the me and im keeping it clean but it is terrible for me to respond more to this guy when standing near him then with my own guy..
All i can think lately is im a terrible, horrible person.. what do i do? Can i make this work without the attraction. Im NOT a cheater and would never do that. I would end the relationship before that! but i am so confused.... please, alittle advice?


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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 04:21 AM

Looks fade, bodies wither, people die, but the memories, and a person's heart stays forever.


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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 04:58 AM

people are shallow its is part of who we are it sounds bad but its true and sexual attraction is very important part of a relationship. we were meant to reproduce for a reason and if you. cant even kiss him he will never be the one
   
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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 06:38 AM

I think you might be confusing physical attractiveness with chemistry. I've liked guys that the "typical" person might not find attractive and I've dated good-looking guys where there was no " stomach flips". Attractiveness is all relative. You might not find him good-looking but some other girl might. From my experience, if you don't feel any excitement and all those things you mentioned, I suggest really thinking whether you want to stay with the person. What separates friendships and relationships is attraction.
   
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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 06:43 AM

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Originally Posted by iamverybeautiful View Post
I think you might be confusing physical attractiveness with chemistry. I've liked guys that the "typical" person might not find attractive and I've dated good-looking guys where there was no " stomach flips". Attractiveness is all relative. You might not find him good-looking but some other girl might. From my experience, if you don't feel any excitement and all those things you mentioned, I suggest really thinking whether you want to stay with the person. What separates friendships and relationships is attraction.
This is pretty much what I was going to say. If you're not feeling butterflies or anything, it's probably not just from looks, but because you don't see him as someone you would date.
   
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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 09:04 AM

I think that perhaps you have some unrealistic ideas of what a relationship should be like. Stomach flips happen in movies, they don't always happen in real life even when you are with someone you like. That doesn't mean that you should break up with someone because they don't make you feel butterflies just from looking at them. That would be ridiculous.

You have not even kissed the guy that you are with. You could find that after you have kissed him, you feel a lot differently. You say that things are awkward with him physically, but you are 14. It's not like either of you have much experience. Things are supposed to be awkward.

Personally, I would not be willing to throw away a great relationship that hasn't really been given a chance, to be with a guy who I know things are almost definitely not going to work out with. I find it hard to believe that you would have a happy relationship with the other guy since he places a high value on sex and you want to remain a virgin. There's nothing wrong with either of those views, but it would make it really difficult to have a working relationship.



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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 12:23 PM

If you don't feel any chemistry and you feel weird doing anything physical with him, he's just a friend. Dating someone to whom you have no physical attraction isn't fair on you or him.



   
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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 08:36 PM

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Originally Posted by Acheron View Post
If you don't feel any chemistry and you feel weird doing anything physical with him, he's just a friend. Dating someone to whom you have no physical attraction isn't fair on you or him.
But do you think that you are able to tell if you have chemistry just by looking at a person? I mean, with some people you can, but personally, I think that things have to go a little bit further with some people before you can really tell. The OP already said that she hasn't even kissed the guy, so it's not that physical things feel weird, it's that the idea of them feels weird. Which I believe is quite a normal feeling for 14 year olds and not necessarily an indication that there is no chemistry.



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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 08:50 PM

I agree with the idea that physical attractiveness and overall chemistry are two entirely different concepts. I've dated physically "attractive" and "less-attractive" men. Looks are certainly important, but they can be overlooked (to a point) if you can connect in other ways (personality-wise, intellectually, etc.). If you're not getting the "stomach flips", it's not necessarily because you find him physically unattractive - it's because you're not connecting with him on other levels, and unfortunately, that's probably not going to change. If you don't have chemistry, then you don't have chemistry. Better to acknowledge that now and meet people you're more compatible with, vs. dragging this on and misleading him.


   
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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 09:59 PM

I think that feeling the butterflies is a major hint in knowing that you like or love someone, if you don't feel them
well...
It might not be the right one.

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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 28th 2011, 10:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShimmeringFaerie View Post


But do you think that you are able to tell if you have chemistry just by looking at a person? I mean, with some people you can, but personally, I think that things have to go a little bit further with some people before you can really tell. The OP already said that she hasn't even kissed the guy, so it's not that physical things feel weird, it's that the idea of them feels weird. Which I believe is quite a normal feeling for 14 year olds and not necessarily an indication that there is no chemistry.
I think it helps to spend some time with them. But it isn't just that she feels weird about physical stuff, it's that she feels weird about it with this specific guy. She's responding to the player just fine.



   
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Re: How important is physical attraction? - October 31st 2011, 02:11 AM

My boyfriend doesn't have, like, my dream-guy's body. Very few of the boys I've liked have. But he has enough handsome physical attributes coupled with CHEMISTRY that making out is awesome. I've met people that I had more chemistry with, who just didn't fit the bill for other reasons. It's all about balance. Yet, I have to say, if there's absolutely nothing you find attractive about him, the relationship's most likely not worth it.
   
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