People always tell me to wait, are they trying to tell me something else?

[Inlimbonowandforever]

This is kind of more a few questions than just one. First off, I've never seemed to have much luck with dating. I've been dumped by a girl after three days just because she changed her mind, I've been rejected too many times to count, or even put off by friends before even asking. Basically, I've had really tough luck with dating in general.

But whenever I tell people this, and ask them for advice, they always just tell me "High School relationships suck anyways" or "Better to wait." Or "You're 15, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't worry about girls now" and I feel like they're trying to make me feel better.

I mean, I've got this a LOT. Sure, I've gotten some rudimentary tips like to be confident and all that, but mostly what I get is basically people telling me I just shouldn't bother.
After this happens a ton of times, I have to wonder, is there something wrong with me? Do all these people just feel that I'm a lost cause? Do I come off as insane or am I horribly ugly and just don't know it? I just can't figure out why they wouldn't at least give me some advice along with the usual "Just wait" thing. I mean, I've been told "High School relationships suck" by friends who date, and have dated, or friends who get into a relationship shortly afterword? If relationships at my age sucked so much, why would they do that?

I don't play any sports. I'm not terribly fat or horribly skinny, and I'm fairly well muscled, but I don't play any sports (though I do bike in the summer and ski in the winter) and I wonder if that's why I can't get a girlfriend, but that doesn't make sense, because I've seen plenty of people in relationships who I know don't play sports, do they just have something I don't?


Truth is, yeah, I want a relationship, even if, apparently they suck, at least to see what it's all about. I feel left out when my friends talk about their boyfriends or girlfriends and the only relationship stories I have are of times when I've been particularly brutally rejected.


I know it's kind of a weird question to post on a forum, since you guys don't know what I look like or what I sound like, but can someone at least take a guess as to if people are trying to tell me I'm ugly or that there's something about me that makes me just unfit for relationships?


Thanks a ton
-Hellkite

[Aletheia*]

Chances are; there isn't anything wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. Everything you've heard is the truth: I'm fairly sure I was one of those people.

Relationships do suck, and chances are the relationship(s) you have in high school WILL end. The relationship I had in high school ended a short 6 months after I had graduated, and that was the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Sure, they might not seem worth it. But, I can understand someone's want to have a relationship. Since you asked several questions within your post, I'm going to answer them individually.

is there something wrong with me?

As said, absolutely not. Of course, I have no idea what you look like, so I can't comment on your looks or whatever. But, there is nothing wrong with you. People who don't have luck in the dating department very rarely have something physically wrong with them.

Do all these people just feel that I'm a lost cause?

Absolutely not. People are telling you this simply because they're trying to save you from heartache. The friends that you have whom have dated or are dating have most likely experienced a break up or two in their time. Break up's suck, and could do mental damage...even if you think it won't. They don't see you as a lost cause. They're just being protective of you.

Do I come off as insane or am I horribly ugly and just don't know it?

Definitely not. Again, I don't know what you look like so I can't comment on the horribly ugly part; but doubtful. Nobody is thinking you're insane. You're simply questioning why you've had such bad luck when it comes to dating. That's hardly cause to call the loony-bin to take you away.

Playing sports or not has nothing to do with it. Each girl is different and they're going to like different things: whether it be athletic guys, nerdy guys...etc. We all have different tastes, and playing sports or lack thereof has nothing to do with a girls interest in you. It's just something we like to look for in a guy. Obviously, you do play some sort of sports. Biking and skiing are both a sport of their own, and you do them often.

Trust me; your time will come. If you stop looking for love, it will come to you. We shouldn't spend so much time searching for something because we'll never find it. If you stop looking, and let love come to you, your chances will be much higher of finding someone that's worthy of you.

[Edit: I wanted to add this since you've made several comments about your looks. I wasn't sure if you were aware or not, but just in case it's crossed your mind, posting pictures of yourself looking for ratings on your looks isn't allowed. Just a little heads up ]

[Inlimbonowandforever]

Originally Posted by Zelophobia

Chances are; there isn't anything wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. Everything you've heard is the truth: I'm fairly sure I was one of those people.

Relationships do suck, and chances are the relationship(s) you have in high school WILL end. The relationship I had in high school ended a short 6 months after I had graduated, and that was the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Sure, they might not seem worth it. But, I can understand someone's want to have a relationship. Since you asked several questions within your post, I'm going to answer them individually.

As said, absolutely not. Of course, I have no idea what you look like, so I can't comment on your looks or whatever. But, there is nothing wrong with you. People who don't have luck in the dating department very rarely have something physically wrong with them.

Absolutely not. People are telling you this simply because they're trying to save you from heartache. The friends that you have whom have dated or are dating have most likely experienced a break up or two in their time. Break up's suck, and could do mental damage...even if you think it won't. They don't see you as a lost cause. They're just being protective of you.

Definitely not. Again, I don't know what you look like so I can't comment on the horribly ugly part; but doubtful. Nobody is thinking you're insane. You're simply questioning why you've had such bad luck when it comes to dating. That's hardly cause to call the loony-bin to take you away.

Playing sports or not has nothing to do with it. Each girl is different and they're going to like different things: whether it be athletic guys, nerdy guys...etc. We all have different tastes, and playing sports or lack thereof has nothing to do with a girls interest in you. It's just something we like to look for in a guy. Obviously, you do play some sort of sports. Biking and skiing are both a sport of their own, and you do them often.

Trust me; your time will come. If you stop looking for love, it will come to you. We shouldn't spend so much time searching for something because we'll never find it. If you stop looking, and let love come to you, your chances will be much higher of finding someone that's worthy of you.

[Edit: I wanted to add this since you've made several comments about your looks. I wasn't sure if you were aware or not, but just in case it's crossed your mind, posting pictures of yourself looking for ratings on your looks isn't allowed. Just a little heads up ]

Thank you for this, it reassured me that I am not an abomination or a raving lunatic!

Anyway, yeah, I know breakups suck, I've already had one bad one, yeah, I know High School relationships don't last forever... I think people just assume I don't get that maybe.


I get it, completely, I really do. But that doesn't stop me from wanting a girlfriend. Yeah, I know we'll probably break up, and it might be hard, but that won't mean that it wasn't worth it, or that it wasn't good while it lasted.


I guess then, if you don't think there's anything wrong with me, maybe people just think that because I haven't dated a lot, I'm under the impression that relationships are all flowers and sunshine, I'm not, but I'd like to have experience with both the good and the bad so that I know at least a little more about what I'm doing later on in life.

[Chair]

Zelophobia already told you what you wanted to hear.
Just wanted to add a couple of things.

Originally Posted by Hellkite

But whenever I tell people this, and ask them for advice, they always just tell me "High School relationships suck anyways" or "Better to wait." Or "You're 15, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't worry about girls now" and I feel like they're trying to make me feel better.

People have much different reasons to date during high school than they do after.
Most people don't expect the relationship to last long as they are just experimenting. People usually get chosen based on their social status more than anything (this doesn't mean that you have to be loud and got to every party to get girls, just that you have to recognize which types may be attracted to you based on your social status).
It doesn't matter how much money you make during your part time job or how much time you dedicate to do your english project or which TV shows you watch on your free time. What matters is the result that everybody else can see (that includes other males, the girl's close friends, and people in her 'group' if she finds herself in one).

Originally Posted by Hellkite

I don't play any sports. I'm not terribly fat or horribly skinny, and I'm fairly well muscled, but I don't play any sports (though I do bike in the summer and ski in the winter) and I wonder if that's why I can't get a girlfriend, but that doesn't make sense, because I've seen plenty of people in relationships who I know don't play sports, do they just have something I don't?

I'm sure you've noticed my previous posts about this. You don't have to play a sport to get girls. Sports, and specially organized sports, give people a chance to make themselves known to a group of people, have something to talk about. It's good to be confident, but you need to be interesting, show that 'recognize you for the things you do'. << that's a very important point. Why should a girl show any interest in you if you have nothing of interest to share? You may think ... well, should should ask? But that's not what people do. Girls don't go around asking every guy what they have to offer. It's the guys job to sing, the girls to let him know that she can hear him, that he sounds pleasing, and lastly the guys choice to ask her out.

And don't tell people (outside of TH) about your failed relationships (or attempts to start one) unless you're going to tell them about the good ones too. Just portray yourself as the best you can be.

[Inlimbonowandforever]

Originally Posted by Chair

Zelophobia already told you what you wanted to hear.
Just wanted to add a couple of things.






People have much different reasons to date during high school than they do after.
Most people don't expect the relationship to last long as they are just experimenting. People usually get chosen based on their social status more than anything (this doesn't mean that you have to be loud and got to every party to get girls, just that you have to recognize which types may be attracted to you based on your social status).
It doesn't matter how much money you make during your part time job or how much time you dedicate to do your english project or which TV shows you watch on your free time. What matters is the result that everybody else can see (that includes other males, the girl's close friends, and people in her 'group' if she finds herself in one).




I'm sure you've noticed my previous posts about this. You don't have to play a sport to get girls. Sports, and specially organized sports, give people a chance to make themselves known to a group of people, have something to talk about. It's good to be confident, but you need to be interesting, show that 'recognize you for the things you do'. << that's a very important point. Why should a girl show any interest in you if you have nothing of interest to share? You may think ... well, should should ask? But that's not what people do. Girls don't go around asking every guy what they have to offer. It's the guys job to sing, the girls to let him know that she can hear him, that he sounds pleasing, and lastly the guys choice to ask her out.

And don't tell people (outside of TH) about your failed relationships (or attempts to start one) unless you're going to tell them about the good ones too. Just portray yourself as the best you can be.

Huh... maybe that's my problem then... I don't really... do anything in school... idk... maybe I just don't "put myself out there"

Except that I don't want to have to kick a ball around to do that...

Honestly, I have no idea how to "Put myself out there"

Yeeeeaaahhhh, I'm hopeless when it comes to this...


Oh! Another thing people always told me was "It'll come when you least expect it." Yeah... am I just supposed to never expect to be in a relationship then? I pretty much stopped even HOPING for it all together for a year and I can still say I've pretty much been single my whole life.

[Chair]

Originally Posted by Hellkite

Huh... maybe that's my problem then... I don't really... do anything in school... idk... maybe I just don't "put myself out there"

Except that I don't want to have to kick a ball around to do that...

Honestly, I have no idea how to "Put myself out there"

Yeeeeaaahhhh, I'm hopeless when it comes to this...

You can't claim that you're confident and then say this about yourself. You're not hopeless, you just haven't looked at all your options to prove yourself to people. You could improve your handwriting to make your paper stand out. You could wear green shoes with black jeans to make your feet stand out when people are bored or stressed during class and just looking around the room. You could use the active voice every time you speak, even when you're unsure. (instead of 'I think', or 'it says here in the book', say 'This is' the way it is, because that's what you know and what you know is right until someone attempts to prove you wrong.)
You could ask questions in class. (this one is a bit tricky... you have to already have read enough about the subject before showing up to class to make sure that your question is er... necessary and you're not just wasting everyone's time).
You could just sit at the front of the class and appear to be attentive the whole time.
You could wear band shirts, sports jerseys, or just plain shirts of different colors every day. Choice of clothing is the most important thing for those that prefer not to communicate openly with a large group or do group activities to put themselves out there. Not saying you have to go buy new clothes, just that you should consider what you decide to wear if you want people to notice you without you having to do anything to get their attention. You simply being in the room can attract attention with the right outfit (which... should suit you and those you're trying to attract).
I could go on with the examples but you get the idea. You don't have to be extraordinary to stand out. Just gotta tweak some of the ordinary things that you already do.

[Inlimbonowandforever]

Originally Posted by Chair

You can't claim that you're confident and then say this about yourself. You're not hopeless, you just haven't looked at all your options to prove yourself to people. You could improve your handwriting to make your paper stand out. You could wear green shoes with black jeans to make your feet stand out when people are bored or stressed during class and just looking around the room. You could use the active voice every time you speak, even when you're unsure. (instead of 'I think', or 'it says here in the book', say 'This is' the way it is, because that's what you know and what you know is right until someone attempts to prove you wrong.)
You could ask questions in class. (this one is a bit tricky... you have to already have read enough about the subject before showing up to class to make sure that your question is er... necessary and you're not just wasting everyone's time).
You could just sit at the front of the class and appear to be attentive the whole time.
You could wear band shirts, sports jerseys, or just plain shirts of different colors every day. Choice of clothing is the most important thing for those that prefer not to communicate openly with a large group or do group activities to put themselves out there. Not saying you have to go buy new clothes, just that you should consider what you decide to wear if you want people to notice you without you having to do anything to get their attention. You simply being in the room can attract attention with the right outfit (which... should suit you and those you're trying to attract).
I could go on with the examples but you get the idea. You don't have to be extraordinary to stand out. Just gotta tweak some of the ordinary things that you already do.

I like wearing bright yellow...

Hmmm... I don't remember saying I was particularly confident, but maybe I did and now I'm changing my mind.