TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
SnowLeopard/Caracal/Otter/Fox
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
SnowKitten's Avatar
 
Name: Snow
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: North Cackalacki

Posts: 533
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 17th 2009

So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 02:03 AM

Lets get one thing clear before this, I'm only experienced in long distance relationships, never had one with someone I got to see regularly.

So homecoming was a few weeks ago, and a friend of mine (That I've been thinking was attractive and generally awesome for quite some time) was hanging out with me at the game. Then when a group of friends, him and I, went to go for a smoke he put his hand on my lower back and shotgunned me. My back got all tingly where he was touching me. After the game, when we were heading toward the dance, he said goodnight because his dad was there to pick him up, and he (out of NOWHERE) started kissing me. It felt so good.

So fastforward to last weekend. We went to a rave and the whole night we danced with eachother, kissed, at one point his hand strayed below my waist. I wanted him so badly. I was literally whimpering. I've NEVER had a guy that made me feel like this, both emotionally and physically, and ESPECIALLY when I get to see him every day. I look forward to getting to school so I can talk to him that 15 minutes before the bell rings. My friends say that me and him would be cute together. We would.

But he says he can't have a girlfriend. I'm getting a mutual friend to ask him why. I'm so out of my element. So nervous. What do I do?




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3
  Send a message via AIM to SnowKitten Send a message via Yahoo to SnowKitten  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Chair Offline
I'm a chair.
Average Joe
***
 
Chair's Avatar
 
Name: Chair FritzFurniture
Gender: monoecious
Location: Some dark warehouse

Posts: 161
Join Date: October 25th 2011

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 02:15 AM

If you want a close relationship with this guy, don't have sex with him anytime soon (3-4 months?) Because that's the only thing in his mind right now.
Let him try and make you happy before you make him happy. No guy just kisses a girl and then says I don't want a relationship, unless he plans to do the same with many more girls at the same time.

You don't even need a mutual friend to ask for you. If he wants to spent time with you he will come begging, but don't fall for his tricks. Guys like him care about quantity over quality.

Last edited by Chair; November 2nd 2011 at 02:20 AM.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
SnowLeopard/Caracal/Otter/Fox
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
SnowKitten's Avatar
 
Name: Snow
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: North Cackalacki

Posts: 533
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 02:29 AM

Its not that he doesn't want a girlfriend. He's told me that he likes me like that and stuff. His parents just have a thing where he's not allowed to have a relationship until he gets out of the military. :/ I'm kinda getting my friend to ask him why his parents have to know essentially? He's not the kind of guy to be a player. He's super socially awkward like me. xD
And about the not putting out thing, I try to make it a 2 month rule because 4 months is impossible for me. I have severe hypersexuality and recently had to quit my medication because it interfered with my birth control. o-o




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3
  Send a message via AIM to SnowKitten Send a message via Yahoo to SnowKitten  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Harmony♥ Offline
Proud Military Girlfriend
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Harmony♥'s Avatar
 
Name: Shannon
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: IRAW!

Posts: 5,741
Blog Entries: 11
Join Date: March 31st 2010

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 02:35 AM

It's strange that his parents have an influence on his relationships. Is he currently in the military, or joining up once school is finished and he's graduated? Of course, hiding anything from parents is never a good thing. But, maybe he could talk to them about it. Everyone should have the chance to date while in school, even if that relationship might not last. You shouldn't get involved with him if it's against his parent wishes though; they have certain rules for their child, and it could only turn out to be bad if he were caught in a relationship if he weren't meant to be in one just yet.











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




HelpLink Mentor 6/13/2011
Pregnancy & Childcare Moderator 11/26/2011
Fashion & Style Moderator 12/28/2011
Social Groups Moderator 12/28/2011
  Send a message via AIM to Harmony♥  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
SnowLeopard/Caracal/Otter/Fox
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
SnowKitten's Avatar
 
Name: Snow
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: North Cackalacki

Posts: 533
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 02:56 AM

He's joining the military once he graduates high school.
I wasn't aware that it was strange for parents to have an influence in kid's relationships. o-o Most people I know weren't allowed to date until they were 16 or 17.




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3
  Send a message via AIM to SnowKitten Send a message via Yahoo to SnowKitten  
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Grey Wind Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Grey Wind's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: Canada

Posts: 188
Join Date: July 18th 2011

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 02:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chair View Post
If you want a close relationship with this guy, don't have sex with him anytime soon (3-4 months?) Because that's the only thing in his mind right now.
Let him try and make you happy before you make him happy. No guy just kisses a girl and then says I don't want a relationship, unless he plans to do the same with many more girls at the same time.
So she should use sex as a bargaining tool to suck him into a relationship he most likely does not want to have? Great idea.

If you want to have sex with him, do it. If you don't, don't. Holding out on sex as a means to control him is a horrible strategy. He either moves onto other girls and forgets about you, or stays with you longer than he would have, to have sex. It's not a way to start off a stable relationship, if that's what you're looking for.
   
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
iamverybeautiful's Avatar
 
Age: 29

Posts: 281
Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 03:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caliber View Post
So she should use sex as a bargaining tool to suck him into a relationship he most likely does not want to have? Great idea.
If he doesn't want a relationship, then he doesn't have to get into one.

The point is whether the OP is ok with having sex without a relationship. If not, then she has to figure out if the guy truly likes her or is just using her for sex.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
ilovecountrymusic's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: October 4th 2011

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 03:12 AM

Personally I would take it slow, make sure you like him for all the right reasons and that he likes you for all the right reasons too. As for the whole sexual part of the relationship, as I've told many people in my life...it can help or hurt it..you just need to know what feels right for you both. Communication is the key above all, if you have questions, concerns, etc bring them up. Don't let it feel 1 sided in any way shape or form, if you do its doomed for failure. Also if you ever need anymore advice feel free to message me.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
SnowLeopard/Caracal/Otter/Fox
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
SnowKitten's Avatar
 
Name: Snow
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: North Cackalacki

Posts: 533
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 03:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amberpamber View Post
Personally I would take it slow, make sure you like him for all the right reasons and that he likes you for all the right reasons too.
Thats what I'm really worried about. I like him so much, in so many different ways. But I get scared that I'm being used for sex because the guy I lost my virginity to literally told me that he was using me after I told him I let him do it because I felt safe with him.

Quote:
If you want to have sex with him, do it. If you don't, don't. Holding out on sex as a means to control him is a horrible strategy. He either moves onto other girls and forgets about you, or stays with you longer than he would have, to have sex. It's not a way to start off a stable relationship, if that's what you're looking for.
I wasn't really planning on using sex "as a weapon". But I do like to make sure the relationship is going well before I have sex with someone. That being said I have no problem with having sex with people when I'm not in a relationship and would be completely happy being "friends with benefits". I'm okay with being used for sex (as long as I can use back,) if I'm notified that thats all the relationship is. But I really want a serious relationship with this guy.




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3
  Send a message via AIM to SnowKitten Send a message via Yahoo to SnowKitten  
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
ilovecountrymusic's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: October 4th 2011

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 04:03 AM

Like I suggested take it slow, let him know your concerns, etc and that you're really not looking for sex anytime soon. If he's willing to wait and be patient with you then I think things will be fine, but if he seems to push the issue, I'd tell him to hit the road. As you know some guys can be very manipulative so you need to watch out for that and make sure he doesn't try to take advantage of you. I hope things work out for you with this guy or some guy in the near future if this 1 doesn't pan out for whatever reason.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,042
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 04:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caliber View Post
So she should use sex as a bargaining tool to suck him into a relationship he most likely does not want to have? Great idea.
I don't think that's what Chair meant to say. He's cautioning her against having sex too quickly, because that may be all her friend is looking for. By withholding sex, she can better determine whether or not that's all he wants, or if he's interested in having a committed relationship with her when the time is right.

To the OP: I don't think asking a mutual friend to dig around for information is the way to go. Why not just ask him how he feels about you and the possibility of having a relationship in the future? If you want the relationship to be serious, then state what you want and ask him if he's on the same page. Communicate with him. Whatever concerns you have, bring them up.





   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
SnowLeopard/Caracal/Otter/Fox
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
SnowKitten's Avatar
 
Name: Snow
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: North Cackalacki

Posts: 533
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 08:28 PM

So I found out today that he likes me a lot too, so tomorrow I'm just going to go for it and ask him out Wish me luck. :3




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3
  Send a message via AIM to SnowKitten Send a message via Yahoo to SnowKitten  
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
ilovecountrymusic's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: October 4th 2011

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 08:31 PM

Good luck! Hope it goes well, keep me posted and remember take things slow.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
SnowKitten Offline
SnowLeopard/Caracal/Otter/Fox
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
SnowKitten's Avatar
 
Name: Snow
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: North Cackalacki

Posts: 533
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: January 17th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 2nd 2011, 09:06 PM

Blah. I just asked him and he said that he can't because of his dad. But he said I'd be the first one he'd go to if he can talk his dad out of it.




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3
  Send a message via AIM to SnowKitten Send a message via Yahoo to SnowKitten  
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,042
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: So out of my element... - November 3rd 2011, 07:46 PM

Aww, that sucks. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do if his parents say "no" to dating until he's older. Don't push the issue, because you don't want to make him choose between you and his parents. Let him work things out as best he can, and if they agree to let him see you under certain conditions, awesome! If not, there's no reason why you can't be friends and grow closer in that way. Maybe something will work out in the future.





   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
element

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.