What on gods name is wrong with me... Why does this keep happening... does this keep happening...

[Guardian_Angel]

My relationships have ended the same way over the past 5 years...

How can I stop this recurring nightmare...

I am on talking terms with most of them, and all they offer is platitudes or I don't knows...

I meet a girl who I like, and who seems to like me a lot, equally, we build up trust and love and my life is greatly improved...

Then one fateful day it comes crashing down, I find out she's been cheating with boy A who I have been insecure about for goodness knows how long, expressed said insecurity, reassured with promises and assurances, then after I forgive for cheating I am promptly left by said girl... Then I come to teenhelp with my broken pieces of my life yet again...

What am I doing wrong? All of them say I couldn't do anything... I try my hardest I devote everything to them...

And they don't just cheat, they don't just leave me and they don't just lie... They do all three, and each time I am hurt more and more... and my insecurities just pile up...

I am so uncertain in myself and my judgements, because I never see it coming... I am oblivious to what happens, how can I ever become secure in any relationship, when they can promise the world to me, and mean it, only for it to change a few months down the line...

My romantic partner has such a big role in my life, its making me want to end it, seeing as the pain keeps piling up.... Words of advice? Comfort.... Anything

[PSY]

Hey, Peter.

If every single girlfriend has cheated on you, then my first guess would be that you're looking for girlfriends in the wrong places. Where do you meet these girls, and how much time do you spend getting to know them before you begin dating? It might not hurt to slow down and take your time assessing them. If a girl jumps into a relationship too quickly, it may be because she doesn't value "serious" or "committed" relationships. To her, you're just another guy to mess around with. You need to find a girl who is just as keen on the idea of a monogamous relationship as you are.

Someone is probably going to say, "You're pushing them away with your insecurities." While I agree that your insecurities may be pushing them away emotionally, that by no means explains the cheating behavior. That says more about THEIR characters, not yours. Also, it's understandable that you would feel insecure, given what you've been through. So while it would be good to work on your insecurities, I think the main focus should be on slowing things down, taking your time before dating, and making sure the girls you're meeting have the same mentality that you do.

Good luck! <3

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Peter, I'm really sorry that you've had to go through this again. Despite the fact that this keeps happening to you, you do not deserve this at all. Remember that.

Now you say that you don't know what is going wrong in these relationships, but I've found that often, if we are really honest with ourselves, we do usually know what is going wrong. From what I know of you, I can think of several things that are common to your relationships and that might be causing a problem.

1. From what I remember, most of your relationships tend to be long-distance. LDRs are hard and honestly, it doesn't seem like they are working for you. To be in a long-distance relationship, you have to really trust the person. Personally, I've never really seen a LDR work out unless they were in a relationship and knew each other very well before it was long-distance. If I were you, I would really think about whether long-distance is suitable for you.

2. You are so forgiving. You always forgive the girl when she cheats on you. What you are doing there is just giving her permission to treat you terribly. You are practically saying "it doesn't matter what you do, I'm willing to stick around anyway." And I think that has caused a lot of problems for you.

Apart from that, I echo what Robin said.

[Guardian_Angel]

You both make good points...

From the sounds of it it must seem like I go for girls not willing to commit to a serious relationship... But I really do try to ensure we sync up what we want... Especially this time I attempted to be very sure of this.... And whenever I asked her if she was sure, committed to making this work and all of that she would say, with the utmost apparent integrity that she would and made every promise under the sun....

About the long distance... I have thought about it, it may be it... But the fact that my physical relationship ended in a similar way... It gives my insecurities fuel that its something to do with me.

I wish I wasn't as forgiving as I was... But its who I am... Although I feel like I am changing, I am more bitter and more mistrustful....

Can you guys give some general advice in how to... I don't know find some security and trust in a relationship?

[MY NAME IS ERIN]

I TOTALLY AGREE. YOU JUST NEED TO LOOK HARDER FOR A BETTER QUALITY GIRL.

BUT THAT'S GONNA BE HARD. THE SAD TRUTH IS....GOOD GIRLS NOWADAYS ARE HARD TO FIND. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIGH. SOON YOU'LL FIND A GIRL WHO'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU

AND YOU CAN'T 'FIND' TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP. TRUST IS SOMETHING THAT HAS TO FORM OVER TIME AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN FAKE. EITHER YOU TRUST YOUR PARTNER OR NOT. AND IF YOU DON'T, BE OPEN WITH HER. TELL HER THAT YOU HAVE A BAD PAST WITH GIRLS AND TO TAKE THINGS SLOW AND STAY LOYAL.

GOOD LUCK!! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS!!

[PSY]

Security and trust are things that take time to develop. I know a lot of people who are "too trusting"... and that's okay, so long as their partners are trustworthy. The problem is that, for whatever reason, the partners you've been encountering aren't trustworthy. So in addition to taking things slowly at first (whether or not you're going to be in a committed relationship), you also have to take things slowly emotionally. It's easy to fall head over heels for someone and give them everything you've got right off the bat. Again, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that - but you have a pattern of picking girls who don't deserve everything you've got. I wish I could explain this better... I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone needs to prove themselves at first, and continue to prove themselves over time. That doesn't mean you should be MIStrustful... just not AS trusting, as quickly, as you have been in the past. Don't let love (or what you think is love) blind you.

That's where the part about being forgiving comes into play. Not only will being blinded by love lead you to be overly forgiving, but it will lead to your not respecting yourself. That's ultimately what it comes down to... when you let someone get away with infidelity, you're basically saying that you don't respect yourself. That can't be good for your self-esteem, and that certainly isn't going to attract the kinds of girls you'd like to date. It's going to attract women who know they can walk all over you. Sometimes, you need to ask yourself if being forgiving is really a good thing. I mean, forgiving people is good, but does that mean you have to stay with someone? Does it mean you should do anything and everything to keep a girlfriend? Personally, I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated on me. It's not just because I would have a hard time trusting them again - it's because I love myself too much! I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me! I want the person I love to love me just as much, if not more so, in return.

Just some food for thought. =)