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Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 04:25 AM

Where to even begin?

I guess let me start by saying that I'm a guy who hasn't had too many relationships but I have had a few. I don't think I'm bad looking, but I do not think I'm that great looking either. I do not like my lips or my chin and feel as if girls don't find that part of me attractive either and get a bit self conscious about it. For some reason, I'm extremely shy when talking to strangers and really, anyone I don't already have a comfort already established with. If someone I don't know starts talking to me, I'll start blushing, no joke, even the people I work with on a day to day to day basis; I wish I was social like them and could laugh along with them, but usually, I just run away during my breaks and hide in my car because I'm too shy to even go into the lunch room and talk to people.

Anyways.

I guess my age is a bit important on this story, but I don't think I want to say it straight forward. Just know that I'm not a teen, but I'm still pretty young and look even younger.

I met Bella (changed name) at a Gamestop two weeks ago. She is the one who helped me in the store and checked me out. At first, I didn't think too much of it, just some other girl I would probably never see again. Then, my entire mind set changed when I went home. I just couldn't stop thinking of her, as if it was love at first sight, and that had never happened to me before. I had no idea who this girl was, but I just found her pretty cute, nice, and timid.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday went by and I couldn't get her off my mind. I had to know her, I felt as if she was someone special and had this tremendous urge of acting upon it and not letting her go or miss my chance of meeting her. Feelings developed rather quicky more so than I realized at the time, and had no clue how it was happening. I had never been one to "fall in love" at first sight. During those days, I even went back to the Gamestop hoping she'd be there, but she wasn't. I started thinking she might've been subbing in from another store, and was feeling a sort of regret but was still very hopeful. Monday, I started texting an online friend that I've known for years about her. She was excited to hear my story and decided to call in the store to figure out when the next time Bella would work. That same Monday night, I also called another close friend that I've known for a while, let's call him Will, and he decided to come in to Gamestop with me on Saturday to see if she was working and so he could take a look at her as he was curious.

My online friend figured out Bella would be working Wednesday (just like when I first met her) and we arranged that she would call her during her shift to ask for her number for a friend who was interested. I prepared everything and washed my car hoping I'd be able to go out with Bella that Wednesday and that I'd get to meet her. When that Wednesday finally came, my online friend bailed on me and didn't make the call because she was having problems with her boyfriend. I built up enough courage and decided to call her myself to get her number; the call was awkward to say the least. I didn't even introduced myself, just asked a random question about games, then apologized for interrupting her and started talking about how I thought she was cute and wanted her number. She totally rejected me, and at some point wondered if I was in the store. I asked her if she had a boyfriend, and she said she really couldn't talk about that as she was working. She apologized a bunch of times, and then I said it was ok and we hung up. I felt pretty bummed after the call and decided to call Will for some advice. We talked, and he made me realize my approach was horrible, I mean, even as a guy, if you are working and some random girl calls you at work and you have no idea who she is, you would probably wouldn't give her your phone number either. He made me have hope again and I felt a bit better. Bella had no idea what I looked like so I could try again as long as everything went smoothly next time I saw her at work...

I kept thinking of her for the rest of the week. Then Saturday finally came. Will and I went into Gamestop and we had no idea if she'd be working or not. When we came in, to my surprise, she wasn't working but was randomly hanging out there with her workers playing on the demo consoles. Wow, what a coincidence huh? Other times I had gone in, she hadn't been there, and today she was, and wasn't even working. We went to the corner of the store and I pointed her out to Will. Will and I then started to look at games and browse the store, a few seconds later she came to look at the games next to us then went back and forth to where she had been before. After a few minutes, Will and I left the store without talking to her, we had just been talking to each other and having good fun, and we had planned to come back later that night. As I was walking out and was on the outside of the front windows of the store, Bella's eyes and mine met. It was an electric feeling.

Will and I walked a bit and talked about her, then Will convinced me to go to a Subway in the same shopping center as he was hungry. I wasn't too hungry, but decided to accompany him. He ordered his sub and went to the bathroom while I played with my phone on the table, all of a sudden, behind me comes a shadow.. it's Bella! She had recognized my voice and was wondering if it had been me who had called her earlier that week. I had no clue how she had found me in Subway and was still pretty shocked she knew it was me. She had caught me completely by surprise coming in from behind me, and I had no idea what to say, I tried asking her why she wanted to know and then maybes, until I finally confessed. At that point my friend came out of the bathroom and played it cool by asking me if she was my friend, she answered for me and said she was and then gave me her number. I asked her to walk with her and she said she had to go and left. You guys can't even begin to imagine how exhilarated I was that night.

Ok, forgot to mention one thing. During that conversation with Bella, the question of her age came up (don't recall how) and I asked her how old she was her reply was "too young for you". I never even thought about her being under 18. The fact that Gamestop hires 16 and 17 year olds never even crossed my mind. She is 16.

Continuing with the story. I started texting her Sunday, and texted back and forth pretty much the entire day. I found out she had recognized my voice and on her way to another store she had seen me through the windows of Subway and had thought about asking if it was me and decided not to but then came back to do it anyways. After much trying, I finally told her my age, and at first she didn't believe me as I look way younger, but eventually she did believe me and said my age really didn't matter as per her text message "I'm thinking it's a stretch... but I believe God has a plan for everyone not the law or my parents or even me..so I'll see where i'm lead." We seemed to have a lot of chemistry. I asked her nonchalantly why she had given me her number after all, and she told me she had just broken up with her 22 year old boyfriend because he was being a jerk (she used stronger language although). I got a little upset at this and told her I wasn't some rebound guy, she said she knew. Later that night, I asked her to go to the beach/pierre with me that night to walk and talk, she told me she could't drive and that couldn't go, I offered to pick her up, and she refused. From her conversation, I figured her mom was strict (but up until now, I'm still not so clear on that). She invited me to go see a play at her high school on Friday (tomorrow) as she is part of the team that controls the lights. I felt quite uncomfortable going to her high school and made up an excuse not to go but told her I could pick her up and then we could hang out, she agreed.

Monday, we are still texting back and forth, she invites me to go hang out with her at her high school as she has rehearsal for her play, I told her again I can't go, but want to hang out with her else where after she is done with rehearsal, she tells me she can't. She also invites me to the movies on Saturday (day after tomorrow) with some of her other friends althought we can sit by ourselves, I reluctantly accept. Later that night I call Will to see if he'll come with me, and he agrees as he doesn't want to leave me in an uncomfortable situation.

Tuesday, randomly, really early in the morning she texts me she is not wearing any make up today because she had woken up late. I tease her and tell her I'll go visit her at school today then. She is like "noooo". After my work (5 P.M.) she texts me and asks me to go see a movie with her. Apparently her mom is a manager at the movie theater (this at the same shopping center as the Subway and Gamestop). She tells me she is already there and watching movies with her mom but wants to see Three Musketeers with me at 7:15, I agree to meet her in the theater room. I rush to my house to get ready as this is the first time I'm actually going out with her and I'm hoping it's going to be a great night. I get to the theater room and feel awkward right away. She is talking on the phone with a friend I'm guessing and keeps talking to this friend for a bit. She then randomly passes me the phone to talk to this person, but the friend hangs up. I pick our seats, but she doesn't sit next to me but goes a row above and plays with my hair for a second and then starts texting. I'm feeling pretty strange at this moment. I go on row above hers (last row) and sit behind me. She continues to stay on that seat and continues to text until the movie starts. Once the movie starts she comes to sit next to me but continues to text her friends. She randomly shows me a text from a friend where he/she is asking her if she likes me, she says she "doesn't know yet". She continues to text throughout the beginning of the movie, and randomly asks me if her texting is annoying me. I said no, but... afterwards, I realized I should have said yes. I held her hand, and she continues to text with one hand. Towards the middle of the movie she stops (although continues to seldomly text). I tell her to lean against me (we are still holding hands and did so throughout the movie) she does so, but then after a few moments tells me she is starting to smell like me (my cologne) and goes back to her seat, at the point I guessed because of her strict mom and the ride on their way back home. We play with our hands for a while touching our fingers, running our fingers accross our hands, etc etc... At times we lean our heads against each other's and rub our noses together. Randomly she pulled back though and said my nose was cold, although, I think it had been hers. Towards the end of the movie, I know I want to escalate things a bit further as we won't be able to hang out after the movie. She randomly asks for my height and I tell her she has to steal my ID if she wants to know, she keeps trying to reach towards me to try to steal my wallet and that's when I kissed her. She didn't pull back for at least a second or two, but then she did... she wasn't upset or anything, was actually smiling and seemed to be having a good time. I told her that was mean, and she said she knew. She kept trying to steal my wallet, and put her hand against my chin so I wouldn't kiss her again (she said). The movie ends and she starts texting again, I told her I should leave first and she agrees but then walks off without me. I wait for her up the stairs and tell her to come back so I can properly say bye, she gives me an awkward hug while continuing to text, and I leave afterwards.

On the way back to my car, I call Will and tell him what happened. I do not hear from her that night nor I call her or text her myself. The following morning, Wednesday (yesterday), I randomy text "Bellaaaa" as I have done plenty of times after she texts my name "Odeee" (name has been changed). A few hours later she replies and the conversation goes like this;

Me: "Bellaaa" 6:38 A.M.

Her: "Hmm?" 8:28 A.M.

Me: "How are you?" 8:45 A.M.

Her: "Good. You?" 8:51 A.M.

Me: "I'm good" 8:57 A.M.

Me: "You sound upset =o" 8:57 A.M.

Her: "Ok" 9:01 A.M.

Me: "Hmm, what's wrong Bella? 9:02 A.M.

Her: "Nothin ttyl" 9:03 A.M.

Her: "meow meow" 9:30 A.M.

I felt pretty crappy after that conversation. I didn't text back until later that night. It was the first time she had treated me like that. Ehh, what would you guys call it? Cold shoulder? Then her "meow meow" at the end was completely random, as if to mask everything as being alright.

Later that night I texted her

Me: "Hey, what's happening Friday?" 10:15 P.M.

No reply. I went to take a shower, and when I came back, there still was no reply. After a few minutes, I realized that she had told me previously that after 10 P.M. (for some unknown reason to me) she texts on her iPod. So I decided to text her iPod.

Me: "Hey, are you awake?" 11:13 P.M.
Her: "Yea" 11:16 P.M.
Me: "I just got home right now, fun day, lol. Can you talk on the phone?" 11:18 P.M. (this was my second time asking her to talk on the phone, the first time was when she was still talking normally to me, and she had told me "noooo" playfully).

Her: "Nahh" 11:19 P.M.

Me: "Ahhh, whyyyy dorkk?" 11:19 P.M.

Me: Haha, stop texting your friends for a moment they'll live lol." 11:25 P.M.

Her: "Causee I don't wanna talk. I've been leading you on and that's not what I want" 11:25 P.M.

Me: "Hmm... What do you want exactly, can you be straight forward?" 11:27 P.M

Me: "Ohh" 11:33 P.M. (I said Ohh because I came to the realization of a few things regarding how she acted during the previous night at the movies and was about to text something about it, but she texted something else first)

Her: "Idk. don't even know why I'm talking to you. Not tryna be mean it's just weird. Still have feelings for the ex. Can't have what I had with him with anyone else" 11:36 P.M

Me: "No, of course not." 11:36 P.M.

Me: "All those experiences and feelings... they can never be replaced." 11:37 P.M.

Me: "Well..." 11:37 P.M.

Me: "I understand the feelings you mentioned very well. I just wish the chance had been given for me to know more about you and for you to get to know me period." 11:39 P.M

Me: "A movie was a really awkward setting to talk etc... plus you seemed preoccupied" 11:40 P.M.

Me: "Now, I really wish you feel better." 11:40 P.M.

Me: "Still don't know what happened but break ups hurt like hell" 11:41 P.M.

Me: "Especially when you are genuinely a good person." 11:41 P.M.

Me: "I'll stop bothering you now, and let you heal." 11:42 P.M.

She didn't reply back.

Needless to say I felt really crappy and sad after that... extremely sad. Almost as bad as a long relationship's break up. When I said break ups hurt like hell, and although, I've been hurt in prior relationships, and I'm not counting this as a relationship, I was describing my own current pain.

I could hardly get any sleep just thinking about her and waiting for a text that never came. Had a crappy day at work too.

Randomly at work today I got these two texts from her iPod's number.

Her: "Hey sexy" 12:46 P.M.

Her: "That wasnt me" 12:47 P.M.

I haven't texted her since last night (text shown). For a moment there when she said "That wasn't me" I thought she was referring to the [short] conversation we had had last night... then I came to my senses and realized she was probably referring to the "Hey sexy" message. Meaning she was probably letting someone else see my texts...

I really don't know what to do. I'm incredibly hurt, and feel used and trashed... I have genuine feelings for this girl that I don't even know how they came to be. Normally, I'm a very logical person and very analytical, but my heart aches and is crying, I want to be with her, talk to her, ignore my mind that tells me I shouldn't text, ignore my self that tells me that the less pushy you are, the higher the chance she'll text back.

I really don't know what to do and I'm very lost. I went from a very good feeling sugar rush to a bad break up sad. I miss her, I want to talk to her... I want to see her, I want to show her the things I know, I want to make her feel happy, talk to her, actually get to know her...

You know, when I first described those feelings I had for her when I first met her, I forgot to mention that that urging feeling was telling me not only to date her, but, if that wasn't possible, to at least manage to get her number to be friends. I would've settled with that... for some reason she was impressionable upon myself and I saw her as a special person. That feeling persists, but, I don't want to be just friends anymore... I'm so lost, and feeling upset, feeling sad, and feeling like she really doesn't care about me.

Any advice?

And sorry if this was long. Just had to put it down somewhere. These past two weeks have been a roller coaster ride for me and it has all culminated in disaster and me feeling sick, not only emotionally, but physically as well.

Last edited by Odee; November 4th 2011 at 04:55 AM.
   
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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 05:04 AM

She was pretty straight forward with you; She still had feelings for her ex. She gave dating a shot. Obviously, going to the movies with a girl can be considered a date, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it went. She realized that she still had feelings for her ex. Anything could have triggered this: the way you two held hands during the movie, snuggled, touched noses, or even the way you two talked while texting. She has a lot of issues she needs to work through: Will she give her ex another chance? Will she move on from that relationship? I know how hurt and confused you are, but right now, it's best to give her space and not texting or calling her every minute of the day is giving her that space.

I wouldn't feel used, and I'm sure she didn't mean it in the context she said it. She didn't continue to date you, let all these feelings for her grow and then completely crush your heart. She told you a few days after the movie how she was feeling. This is pretty normal after someone has experienced a break up, met someone new, gave them a shot and then reaized they weren't ready for a relationship. It even happened to me: My ex gave me two minutes of talking time, and had me convinced that I still had another shot, so I dumped the guy I had been seeing and told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. My ex crushed me AGAIN, and I eventually learned that I should have given that guy a shot, and we've been together going on 3 years now (See ticker in signature). If this was meant to be, she'll come back to you. Until then, let her have her time to figure things out. She'll talk to you when she's ready.











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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 06:36 AM

Lusting for strange creatures in strange places, you have been.

Just forget about her.
Next time you see a 16 year old and get that electrifying feeling, find your porn HD and let the current pass. Immature 16 year olds aren't worth obsessing about.

   
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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 02:10 PM

@Zelophobia

I said the movie was awkward because most of the time she seemed to be texting her friends instead of spending time with me. When I held her had, she even continued to text with a single text. I realize now I should have said something about it, but it is too late. I just wish we had had the chance to actually hang out for a day and done more than just a movie. A date needs some kind of communication, and I know now I should have stopped her from texting so she could have focused on me.

Now, your words do make sense to a certain extent, although, I do not agree with not considering other people's feelings when you yourself are vulnerable and need company. I haven't texted her every minute of the day even when things seemed to be going alright; now that things seem to have gone awfully bad, I haven't texted her since two nights ago. We have never talked on the phone other than the time when I first called her work.

I do not want to lose her either as a love interest or as a friend. I'm awake at 5:40 A.M. just thinking of her and wondering if she has thought of me at all. What do I do next? How do I proceed and when? Or, as you said, do I do nothing at all and wait until she contacts me again? I'm anxious because the possibility of her never doing so is always there... in the meanwhile even though you suggest that I shouldn't't feel the way I do, I can't really help it. I really like her and I'm still hurt, my heart has this weird feeling when I think of her and I find myself thinking of her all day. I'm sure your heart has felt this way before, as if it is crying and only one person can make it stop. Now, as to why she had this much of an impact on me, I can't tell. I've only know her for a little over two weeks now and I'm using the word "know" very liberally here. Everything about it has been peculiar though from how I met her, to how I was urged internally to get her number, to how I finally got her number, to now.

@Chair

Immature 16 year old? This has crossed my mind many times before you mentioned it. You might be completely right too. I thought texting her friends while at the movies was pretty immature. Then, not knowing exactly what she wants. My friend Will describes her as a "jokester". I don't really get his definition, but I don't really agree with him from what I gather. Immature, yes.

Now, I'm not lusting over her if you are saying that on a sexual content and I'm guessing you are because of the porn advice afterwards. The feelings mentioned earlier, I can't describe very well; not love obviously because that'd be a stretch with someone I haven't known for too long. Just meeting her and seeing her smile, her face, her expressions, she made me happy...

This is but another sleepless, restless night and I do not know what to do.
   
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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 04:52 PM

It's raining and I love the rain. We were also supposed to go out today and I really want to talk to her and tell her I don't want to give up on her and that I want to see her tonight. Bad idea?
   
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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 04:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Odee View Post
It's raining and I love the rain. We were also supposed to go out today and I really want to talk to her and tell her I don't want to give up on her and that I want to see her tonight. Bad idea?
Bad idea. Has she given you any sort of indication that she wants to be friends? Saying that you don't want to give up on her might come off as creepy, considering that she told you the truth about her feelings. We can't force anyone to share their feeling for us, it's not how it works. She was straight up with you, and told you the truth. I don't see how being friends is a terrible idea, so I would work on making a friendship with her instead of focusing on a romantic relationship.











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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 06:04 PM

Would it be wise to even text her at all, and if so, what exactly?
   
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Re: Hurt. - November 4th 2011, 06:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Odee View Post
Would it be wise to even text her at all, and if so, what exactly?
I wouldn't text her now. As I said in my first post, she is going to need space right now to figure things out. She says she still has feelings for her, so she needs to work on what to do with those feelings. Texting her could keep her from where she wants to be, whether it be with him or chose to stay single.

Give it some time, and then I'd saying texting wouldn't hurt. I would say something along the lines of "I'm sorry for the way things ended, but I'd love to try to remain friends with you, if you want?". Or something with the same context. That leaves it completely up to her whether she wants to be friends or not. Because, let's face it: we can't force someone to be friends with us either.











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Re: Hurt. - November 5th 2011, 02:51 AM

Well, I think it's all over.
   
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Re: Hurt. - November 5th 2011, 11:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Odee View Post
Well, I think it's all over.
And nothing of value was lost.
   
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Re: Hurt. - November 5th 2011, 07:32 PM

You seem like a pretty cool person Chair, thank you.
   
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