I hate my girlfriend's family... with a passion

[Maiden]

I can't stand my girlfriend's family. It makes me want to break up with her because of them. I cannot stand them and I cannot stand being around them. Her brothers and sister are complete spoilt brats who think that the whole world revolves around them and no, they're not teenagers... One is 19, one is 25 and the other is 27. They behave like teenagers though because they've always been given everything they want and never been told 'no'. Her mum is crazy, like literally crazy. She's a hoarder and their house is absolutely full of junk and smells rotten, like it's literally rotting. It stinks of mould and mildew and no matter where you go in the house, you can't get away. Her dad is a complete pushover and just never does anything but work. And they're all completely miserable and hate on each other all the time.

She's begging me to go to her place for dinner tonight with her extended family and I really really don't want to but I've said no so many times already. I hate going to her family dinners. They all just sit around and watch tv and don't talk to each other and then go home. Occasionally her sister and cousin will start discussing something really stupid like how so-and-so is so ugly and 'this person' is such a loser. The whole family hates anybody who is different and are constantly putting people down who are special needs, gay, not white, of a non-western religion or even just unusual a little bit. For instance, I have a cousin who has Aspergers and last time I was at their house for dinner, there was a TV article about a kid with Aspergers and they went on the whole night about how he was a retard and a loser and he should be locked up. That's the kind of thing that they think is perfectly acceptable to say all the time.

[Nicole!]

First off, don't break up with your girlfriend just because of how her family acts. They may be related to her, but that doesn't mean it is a quality in her that you don't like. If you love her, then stay with her. All relationships will have problems such as this, you just have to find a way to work through it.
Maybe you could tell her that you feel uncomfortable around her family? I wouldn't go and outright say you hate them, but maybe if you express your feelings about the situation she will understand and won't beg you to have dinner at her house anymore. Maybe she just enjoys having you around and feels the dinner will be better if you are there.

[Chair]

You're dating one person. Not a whole family. Break contact with the family and won't to throw the girlfriend under the bus.

[Hawkest Sevrae]

I can relate to you on this... my boyfriends family is the exact same way. How i deal with it is i put up a wall and ignore them unless they provoke me. then i do my best to politely defend myself if they provoke me, and if they keep being the way they are i ask if i can go home. the other way i deal with it is avoid them. In the case of dinners.... well i cant say the last dinner i attended with his family went well. but i know it would have went better if he'd told them i didnt appreciate their degrading comments.
Hope i was some kind of help. :/

[JSum]

the one thing you didnt address in this is how your girlfriend acts and how you feel about her specifically.

i agree with Nicole, i would nicely explain how you feel uncomfortable around her family. bring up the Aspergers situation as an example to help her understand. you sound like a respectful person. if your girlfriend is a respectful person as well, she will understand and respect what you are saying. if she is not respectful, well, respectful people shouldnt be with disrespectful people. that should be the only thing in this situation that would lead to you breaking up with her.

her family is NOT her, but if she is her family, it would be smart to break it off.

[Maiden]

She's not really like them too much. Sometimes she is but mostly she isn't. But she gets really upset that I don't get along with her family. The reason I'm going to dinner this week is because last week she got really upset at me and was going on crying about how she's so upset that I don't get along with her family and she wishes I did and they're so important to her so she wants me to get along with them... But I really can't because I really don't respect them at all. And if I try to tell her that, she gets really upset again and tells me I'm really hurting her and I should try to get along with them because it's important to her, so therefore it should be important to me too.

[PSY]

You may not be "dating" your girlfriend's family, but the bottom-line is that they're going to play a huge role in her life; therefore, you'll always have to deal with them. You can either tolerate them as best you can, or take a stand and "deal" with them by refusing to see them. One thing you could try doing is asking your girlfriend to put herself in your position. If she didn't like your family, and you insisted that she spend time with them "for your sake", how would she feel? If your family members' actions and words offended her on multiple levels, but you essentially said her feelings didn't matter or weren't important, how would she feel about you and her relationship with you? Try to show her how this is affecting you, and therefore affecting your relationship. Maybe she'll see things your way and accept that you're not going to "deal" with her family, or maybe she'll continue to push her point-of-view onto you. If she does that, you may want to seriously reconsider your decision to date her. She may have some amazing qualities, but do those qualities really outweigh having to "deal" with these repulsive people for (potentially) the rest of your life?