Is it wrong to break up with a guy because I don't like his family?

[sasaboo]

My boyfriend says that he'd think it was really dumb if I broke up with him because of his family, but... I don't know. I'm having a hard time feeling okay with the relationship right now anyway. His family is only making it worse. And I KNOW I don't want to be a part of their life. I also know that I don't want them anywhere near my children, if I have them someday. He says that it doesn't matter, because once we're on our own we won't have to be around them but once a year, for Holidays.

I don't want to be part of that. I want to have an in-law family that I can love and be loved by. His family pretty much hates me, and they aren't stable people. I'm also a Christian, and they're a bunch of law-breakers. They make me feel uncomfortable. I've been numb to the relationship for a while (he knows it, I'm not leading him on, but he's been trying to fix it), and this is not helping. I feel like ending it tonight, but I'm trying to work it out in my head and not make any rash decisions. We've been together for about a year and a half and were engaged recently. I don't want to end this on a split decision. I just don't feel like I'm healthy in this relationship, emotionally or spiritually. It's just that I have a lot invested in this relationship.

I want to be happy, really badly. At this point in the relationship, I'm practically eating anxiety medication. I know he can't help the situation, but is it wrong of me to take myself out of it? I only get to choose my life partner once.

[JessJ]

i don't think your wrong to feel this way at all. it sounds like it has been something that's been building up for a while. and it really is true what they say about, marry the person, marry their family. and the fact that he thinks its dumb if you break up with him because of his family shows you that he's not trying to undertand how you feel, which isn't good either. i'd say follow your intuition here. you shoudl be feeling good about the person your in a relationship with especially if your thinking you might marry him one day. if your not, its a good indicator of where your headed. you have a lot to be concerned with and your lucky you have this intution. a lot of girls get into the wrong relationship because they don't have good intuition.

[Le bonheur*]

You have every right to feel like you should break up with him because of his family but I don't think that should be the only reason. Things may change in a few years when you and your boyfriend are actually married and start having kids and what not. The family may feel differently about you. You never know what will happen in the future. It really matters about how you're feeling right now. If you're not feeling comfortable with the relationship itself, then you should leave him and not settle for anything less than happiness. You deserve happiness and a healthy relationship. What you described is not healthy at all. I really think you and your boyfriend need to have a long discussion about this and decide what's best for the both of you. Good luck.

[Chair]

I'm also a Christian, and they're a bunch of law-breakers. They make me feel uncomfortable. I've been numb to the relationship for a while (he knows it, I'm not leading him on, but he's been trying to fix it), and this is not helping.

you shoudl be feeling good about the person your in a relationship with especially if your thinking you might marry him one day. if your not, its a good indicator of where your headed. you have a lot to be concerned with and your lucky you have this intution.

I really think you and your boyfriend need to have a long discussion about this and decide what's best for the both of you.

Don't mind the quotations too much, I wanted to put some emphasis on some of the things that had already been said, without offending anybody.

I know he can't help the situation, but is it wrong of me to take myself out of it? I only get to choose my life partner once.

No. I know you've been dating for a long time, but time doesn't mean anything if people can't change. You want to find that one perfect church boy and your current boyfriend isn't the one. Tell him that you have your priorities straight and he and his family are not meeting the standards. Easy. Or you could bullshit something more realistic, modern, and socially acceptable (you want to finish your studies before you settle, you might be going away for school/work, etc).

[Megan1]

I understand exactly how you feel about wanting good in-laws and not wanting certain people around your children. I'm probably going to be very picky about who spends time with my future children too. However, I realized that I have to look at it like this: if a guy were to decide if he'd date me based on what my family is like, I'd never find a guy. I've realized that it's not fair to decide if you are going to be with someone based on who their family is. That would be selfish of me. I know that I would feel terrible if a guy made his decision about me based on who my family was, so I can't do that to him.

But, if this guy plans on marrying you, he needs to respect your feelings about his family and respect that you don't want your children to spend much time with them.

[Aletheia*]

You aren't wrong for feeling this way. I love my boyfriend's dad's side of the family, but his mom's side...not so much. They're sort of rowdy, and make fun of me for everything, especially since I had just learned how to cook pretty recently. I was never taught those things because I never had a reason too. I always had a family who cooked for me, and we always had family dinners...unlike them.

Though I hate them, I'd never dump my boyfriend because of them. I just think that they're just something I put up with because I love him so much.

You need to think about your boyfriend. You're not wrong for feeling this way, but you definitely need to consider a lot of aspects here. They ARE his family, and always will be no matter what. They will always play some sort of role in his life, whether he chooses for them to be there all the time, or just a little bit of the time. Spending a few holidays a year with them wouldn't be so bad, and even then, you have a choice of spending it with your own family instead of his. It would make things harder on your children too, since they have the right to know their grandparents and extended family on their father's side too. Take a lot of these things into consideration before you end something on a whim. Don't let a family ruin a good relationship.

[sasaboo]

I told him today that I want to take a break and see how I feel after that. There were a lot of other factors beside the family. I wasn't feeling good about the whole thing for a long time, and the family problems just made it worse. I know what I want in a guy, and I'm sure this isn't it. Not that he isn't a nice guy. I mean, he really cares about me. But I can't keep the relationship going if I just feel numb to it. :/ I promise, the family was only a portion of the problem.