Beating, cheating, and lying. Why do I stay with him?

[TheBabyEater]

I can't bring it up in me to leave him, no matter how much everyone tells me to. I hate being alone, and right now in college I'm more than alone. No family, no friends, just him. It seems like there's nothing anyone can say to really get me to leave him, even though I know I should. It's what I would tell anyone else, not to put up with that shit. But I just can't.

[Nicole!]

I think at this point you will feel better without him then with him. Try talking to other people and make some new friends. You don't deserve to put up with lying and cheating, and I think its less painful to be alone then to deal with all of that. Is it making you depressed? If so, that could be why you aren't as social which could explain why he's the only person there you really know.

[Chair]

well... you don't have to leave him. You could make him leave you

[TheBabyEater]

I feel like my entire life purpose is to serve him. That's all I've ever known in this two-three year relationship. No one wants to hang out with that.

[how.we.operate.]

I had a relationship that is slightly similar--I had dated him for over a year, he was a year younger and I went to college. I didn't want to date going into college, but he couldn't last without me...even though I tried breaking up with him...
This is a fork in the road for your life. You have an entire list saying why you should end it...and only a small handful of things of why you haven't ended it. It is hard to do it, but honestly, if you aren't happy with him...why date him?
Serving him? That isn't a relationship. A relationship is a partnership where both should be happy.
You will meet other guys, he isn't the only person that you will date. Think about it, if you aren't happy, would you keep this relationship going forever? Could you take it?

[MacGuffin]

Well of course you aren't leaving him even if everyone is telling you to. You haven't realized you need to leave him on your own. Sure, you've dissected the situation and know what is stopping you from leaving him, but you haven't really found it in you to leave him. In your mind, the fear of being alone is more threatening than a boyfriend who beats you, cheats on you, and lies to you. It's not just enough to KNOW this is a bad relationship for you. You have to feel and believe with all your being that this is wrong for you and you say NO to it. You simply feel in your heart that you don't want to do it anymore. That's the only way you can move forward.

I'm not going to waste my time telling you why you should leave him. You've heard it all. And I hate to break it to you, but no one else here is going to make you want to break it off with him, either. Can we say our piece? Sure. But can we tell you what's right for you and reaffirm the knowledge that you need to break up with him? No. Redundancy is not going to help you here. If you see the proof and still can't tear yourself away, than you are just not ready. And that's okay. Just hope it doesn't cost you a price too high for you to pay. You've already been damaged in multiple ways, even if you don't recognize it. You can't afford to lose everything over this relationship.

What I will tell you is this: he isn't your boyfriend. Sure, maybe on paper, but in reality? His actions prove this to be an entirely different story for him. So I'm just going to break it to you: you are a toy. You are a tool at his disposal and he wants nothing more from you. He beats you? You're there to abuse when he's upset with himself, or when he is upset with you, and pretty much any other damn time he pleases because it gives him a sense of power when in reality he is a tiny, insecure little man. He cheats on you? Commitment means nothing to him. There is nothing special about his physical relationship with you. So he says he loves you when you two have sex? His actions speak otherwise, because a boy who loves his partner won't go cheat on her the next day. He lies to you? He doesn't give a damn about your trust or your feelings. He'd rather do whatever the hell he wants to do than communicate about things with you.

Sound harsh? Perhaps it is, but that's the reality of things. That is your typical profile for an abuser. But you want to know what's really sick and twisted? You don't need him to be okay, but he needs you. You know why? Because no one else will put up with his bullshit. As long as he has one poor, innocent person he can shove around and feel powerful over, he's happy. And if you were to leave, he'd fall to pieces because he'd lose control and could not control his world anymore. That's why, when he does act all nice and sweet, he is doing it. To keep wrapping you up in his web.

Also, you think you serve him? You don't. As someone in a relationship that is based on serving someone with more power than myself, I can tell you that is not what service is about. Service is about showing that your partner means so much to you that you humble yourself before them to please them and make their life special. Sound like what you do? Not quite. Part of service is that it is reciprocated by your partner, to show they care about and do things for you, too. It's a two way street. It's not service if you are being sucked dry. That's just using you.

So, if you want to continue being a toy, a tool, a punching bag, a person to bitch at, a piece of ass, a slave, an insignificant person, something to manipulate, and the like, then go right ahead. But if you decide that you want to respect yourself as a person and make yourself happy because you are a treasure, and you realize what is most important is to meet your own needs before draining yourself over someone else's, then feel free to talk to me or anyone else here on TH. I would be happy to help you with that.

I hope you find it in your heart to make the right Decision for you. And when you do, you know you will have all of our support and love.

PM me if you ever need anything.