Relationships rant (warning: A little long)

[icedoverfire]

Way back in September my ex told me our relationship had become untenable. In her words "It's been three years and you can't tell me where this is going... and I'm not going to wait for you to finish medical school to figure it out. I'm the first person you've ever had a serious relationship with so you really don't know if I'm the right person for you. Also, your parents hate me... if we were to get married, it wouldn't work."
And that's how she left me.... The irony is that I saw her two weeks prior to this, and everything seemed fine. How the hell does someone decide to can a three year relationship in two weeks?

Anyways... background: I'm 23 in medical school in Grenada. My ex and I had been doing long distance for a while, as we met during college... I moved back home after college and she stayed in the city. I saw her relatively frequently. In January of this year I came out here to Grenada for a pre-program, and we managed to make the relationship work... Came back here in August to start medical school and then all of sudden she dropped this on me.

Other stuff is that I'm the oldest child in my family, and my parents are first generation Indians... consequently interracial relationships are unheard of for them. They didn't like her when they met her anyway.

I met my ex at a party... and I think where we failed is that we started this whole relationship on a sexual basis... with the "attachment" coming afterwards. Truth be told, I think we were both forcing it, driven more out of a desire to not be alone.

Medical school... especially medical school on this island, does funny things to people. You're cut off from your normal support network and in truth, people's bodily needs start conflicting with their minds... Sex becomes a stress reliever.... Hell, you should have seen the amount of hooking up that took place after mid-terms.

In my own case, I got into a very brief, extremely stormy dalliance with an older girl. Same motivations... she was lonely, I was lonely. I did spend a night at her place but we didn't actually have sex. She wanted to... but I couldn't get myself to go through with it. I'm not a one-night stand kind of person. Even so, she ended up pushing me away because in her words "I'm getting attached to you... you're a nice guy... but the problem is I'm older than you and I'm leaving the island next May... so if we did get involved we'd both end up getting hurt." Rational, I guess... but no less painful.

I think I get attached too easily... I'm not exactly a social butterfly so I actively seek out friends and relationships and this ends up driving people away. The problem right now is that I so desperately want to be in a relationship because I'm used to having that connection to someone. The issue is finding the right person because at this stage it's not so much about a "relationship" than it is about finding a "life partner"... Case in point my cousin went to this same medical school and ended up meeting his wife. They got married right before starting their rotations.

Of course, priority one right now is final exams which are next week... and that I go home for a month afterwards. But it still really sucks being lonely. I'm something of a self-diagnosed "cuddle addict"... I enjoy physical closeness, I enjoy sex when there's some connection there... and I'm not getting that right now. Hence this rant.

Advice?

- ice

[Nicole!]

Honestly, it is wonderful to be in a relationship, but instead of desperately trying to be in one, keep focusing on school. Don't jump into a relationship right away, find a girl that you really connect with and then take it to the next level. You realize the mistake with your ex was it was purely physical at first, so take what you learned and apply it now. Taking things slow is always beneficial in the end. Long distance relationships are really tough as well, so maybe wait until you stop moving around for school before looking for a girlfriend. However, its your decision.

[Aletheia*]

You just got out of a relationship of 3 years, so to jump into a new relationship right away wouldn't be wise. I know how wonderful it is to be in long-term relationships, but sometimes, we just need to focus on ourselves sometimes. Focus on school, and what you need to do to become a great doctor. Find a girl you really connect with on an emotional level first, and bring in the sexual level later on.