can we be in a secret raltionship?

[iragan]

Okay, I have no idea weather this should've gone in another category but eh, whatever. So I’m a girl and I’m popular and nice and dress well and from the peoples reactions that i meet i know i look good. I've been in one other relationship other than fooling around in 3 years and the relationship was out there. i mess with girls by the way. anyway i felt really comfortable with that and all but we decided to split for personal reasons a few months ago anyway back in October i met this girl OJ right? those aren't her initials she just had really orange weave when we met anyway so its been two months since we first met. two weeks ago we admitted to each other that we like each other. only problem, shes not out. i don't even think she’s comfortable with herself but she told my wife(straight best friend) that she wasn't ashamed of me or anything its just that she didn't want anyone in her business. ever since we told each other we liked one another we haven’t talked about it i don't want her to feel pressured into anything but i get hit on all the time. if i go out with someone or even mess with someone half the city knows. I'm not trying to sound conceited here but its just how it is. If we date how am i supposed to tell the girls that hit on me that i can't mess with them especially when that’s what i' m so well known for? i'm not a whore i just like sex and can admit it. anyway how do i tell them i cant mess with them? their natural questions are gonna be 1: why? and 2: whats her name? the last girl i dated met a bunch of people just from dating me!! people only know her as my girl they dont even know her name. I don't know how to be in a relationship or if i can even be in one where i can't hold my girlfriends hand or kiss her openly in public. I understand she doesn't want everyone in her business but that kinda sounds like a excuse for not coming out to me and i don't know how to tell her i don't know if i could be in a secret relationship with the exception of like 5 friends. She knows i'm popular at school she thinks my friend juice is my best friend when in reality shes not even close to me. She hardly understands the extent of my social life and i don't know if she would be able to deal with my life because unless i put the name face and pic on fb, and tell everyone around me and have her constantly by my side i'm still gonna get hit on and stuff and they'll do it in front of her i mean hoes are confident these days. shes already gotten in a fight with one girl over me and i know she gets jealous easily but i don't know if she could deal with another person talking to her girlfriend, hitting on them, and rubbing their hands on them because when i was with my first girls, the girls trying to hit on me didn't care they'd do it in front of her face. i know if they don't know its her they'll do alot worse and i can only fend them off so much. I don't know if i can do a secret relationship or if its possible for me. and i don't know how to explain this to her, especially when shes still in the closet with everyone except 5 people and her best friend who doesn't know is always around. I honestly just have no idea what to do or say to her.

[Chair]

Hope you realize it's not all about you... If she doesn't want to be out there's nothing you can do about it. So no, a secret relationship would only remain secret for a day or two, and could ruin her reputation... or maybe even bring it down to your level.
I'm surprised she's even into you.

[Aletheia*]

I agree with above. If she doesn't want to come out, she doesn't have to do and there isn't anything wrong with that or with her. It's not about you; many people choose not to be out, and for her reasons, she chose this way.

I don't agree with the above about the secret relationship. If you think the two of you can handle it being a secret, go for it. If those girls that hit on you, just kindly tell them "I have a girlfriend" and let it be at that. Just because they don't see you with one isn't going to be a problem. Maybe they'll assume your girlfriend goes to another school in the area.