Another guy while in relationship...

[PaleBlueShine]

I'm back together with my boyfriend. A few days before we got back together I hung out with a friend that I went to school with. I didn't think I liked him at all and it was save to do so because It wouldn't tempt me. Well the first time we spent time together we ended up just talking for 9 hours at his house. Something was there.

I love my boyfriend, very much. But we had a bad breakup and I think It caused a lot of pain for both of us. Turns out my friend really, really likes me and wants to be more. I can't stop thinking about him, when we spend time together It's always hard for me to leave, or even give him a hug. Basically I get butterflies and the unknown of what we could have kills me.

I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend. Ever. I remain very loyal. This sounds bad... But I don't know if It's going to honestly workout in the future based on what's happened and some of his circumstances

I don't want my friend to be out of my life but I need to stop what I'm feeling for him... How do I do this? This has never happened to me and I don't know how to deal with this. I can't get this guy out of my head or heart. But I don't know what to do.

[Chris.]

I'm going to be honest with you, and it may make you mad or upset towards my advice but here it is. To be honest, when you have feelings for someone, you cant just 'be Friends' with that person. Once you build that connect its there. You also have to realize that he said he likes you as well. So thats you guys are friends, and thats say that somehow someway you loose your feelings for him (which would almost be impossible if you keep talking to him), well then he would be still attracted to you. So even if you happen to loose your feelings - he will still have them. Now obviously you care about your friend, but if you were to keep hanging around with him, his feelings would just build up and he wont be able to do anything about it because you have a boyfriend - you would be hurting your friend. We have all be in a situation where we like someone, but they have a commitment or something similar and it sucks for both people.

So where does this lead us? Well as far as I see it you have a few options that I will lay out for you and you can think about.

1) Dump your boyfriend - go for friend
2) Leave your friend - stay with BF (end friendship with friend)
3) Cheat on boyfriend with friend
4) try to have both

I would try 4 first, but from past experience, and from everything I have learned and given advice on, I know it simply wont work out that way. If you really like your boyfriend, I would go with 2. But if you think the relationship is almost to an dead end, and your not feeling it anymore (it may get to that point), then maybe #1 is the best.

Think about them.

Best wishes,
Chris

[Aletheia*]

If you have feelings for this friend, you CAN'T be just friends with them. You can't help whom you have feelings for, however, taking Chris' advice for trying to have them both could seriously blow up in your face.

Let's face it: If you were on the opposite end of this situation, and your boyfriend liked and was thinking about seeing someone else behind your back, you'd be upset too. You can't just think of yourself here; think about your boyfriend too.

If you have stronger feelings for you friend, dump your boyfriend and go for your friend. It's not fair to string your boyfriend along when you have feelings for someone else, and it's not fair for you to stay in a relationship that means nothing to you to begin with. Yes, you love him, but not enough to stay away from this friend since you're considering being with him.

Ultimately the decision is up to you, but you need to make a decision between both because you can't have them both. It's going to blow up in your face, and trust me, I've been there before in this exact same situation.

[PaleBlueShine]

I mean, It's not that intense to where I can't be around him in a platonic way. I just know It's hard for him. Do you think It's okay if we keep doing what we're doing. I hangout with him once or twice a week and we text everyday. I don't see anything wrong with it. I'd rather keep going through this confusion that lose him as a friend or my boyfriend.

What if my boyfriend asks if I'm interested in my friend? Do I tell him the truth or do I say no.. I'm not a liar but in this situation I could lose my boyfriend if I said yes right?

[Chris.]

You don't see anything wrong with texting him every day and hanging out with him twice a week but the problem with that is you have feelings for him - thats the main problem here. Its not right to be texting another guy everyday plus hang out with him, but yet have a boyfriend. And your obviously worried about your boyfriend finding out - so you know deep down that its not right, and that your boyfriend may break up with you if he knew what was going on. Since you realize that, then as far as I'm concerned you have the two choices: Go with your boyfriend, or leave your bf and go to your friend.

You can try to do both, but I promise, it will blow up in your face as Shannon said.

I think its time for you to really sit down and think about who means more to you.

Best wishes,
Chris

[Aletheia*]

I mean, It's not that intense to where I can't be around him in a platonic way. I just know It's hard for him. Do you think It's okay if we keep doing what we're doing. I hangout with him once or twice a week and we text everyday. I don't see anything wrong with it. I'd rather keep going through this confusion that lose him as a friend or my boyfriend.

There isn't anything wrong with continuing to hang out with him. Yes, you see it as a platonic thing. But, from what I'm gathering, the issue is that you have feelings for him. We can't help who we have feelings for, this is true. But, eventually, those feelings could and most likely will get in the way of your friendship and you may want more. You said it yourself that he likes you too, and having a friendship isn't going to help those feelings go away. It's only going to make it more intense.

What if my boyfriend asks if I'm interested in my friend? Do I tell him the truth or do I say no.. I'm not a liar but in this situation I could lose my boyfriend if I said yes right?

If your boyfriend asks, you should always tell the truth. But, as you said, there is a chance you could lose him to this. I mean, it's not everyday that he wants to hear that his girlfriend is interested in another guy. He's going to be hurt, and even if he doesn't leave, he isn't going to trust you to hang out with your guy friend. Trust is important to any relationship, and if there isn't any, it's not going to be much of a relationship.

My advice still stands: end things with your boyfriend. If you can't commit to him fully, then the relationship won't last very long anyway.

[Banksy]

Hey there. I have had this experinace recently and theres a few things you should think about.
1) If you look all down this forum, and the LGBT forum. You see theres alot of people saying 'im falling for my freind' its a natural thing, we start to care for those who are there for us. and he was there when you broke up with your bf. so theres that slight lack of trust there just atm that you have with your freind. chances are its just a crush at itll go away.
2) In life. there are always people who are BETTER than the person youre with. they make you feel amazing, theyre smarter better looking ect. the thing to remeber is..theyre not the person you love. even if they are better it doesnt mean theyre right for you..and i learnt this recently.
3)You love your bf you said it.... i think you answered your own question really. ive done silly things in my time. and i got butterflys while ive done them...trust me they dont mean anything.

Basicaly i think this will just go away. you just need to be with your bf abitmore then itll all be fine. thats what happened to me anyway

[Chair]

How long have you been with your boyfriend and how old are you again?

[PaleBlueShine]

We've been together over a year. I'm 21.

[Chair]

Don't worry too much about it. Just make sure both your boyfriend and your friend know where you stand. I'm sure they'll understand where you come from, and if they can't accept you after you explain yourself it's their loss.

[Hish]

You should take a deep look into your relationship with your boyfriend. Why did you two break up in the past? What does he offer you? Do you see a future with him or is the comfort of "having a relationship" keeping you together? Sometimes, it's easy to go back to an ex just because you already know this person and have a history together instead of moving on to the "unknown." From my understanding, you love your boyfriend but your not IN LOVE with your boyfriend. Maybe that's another question you need to ask yourself.

[PaleBlueShine]

So I chose today... I chose my boyfriend. I know the situation was hurting him. But he took it very very well... Like a man. I know I'm going to always wonder how things could have went with the other guy.

[alice28]

Originally Posted by PaleBlueShine

So I chose today... I chose my boyfriend. I know the situation was hurting him. But he took it very very well... Like a man. I know I'm going to always wonder how things could have went with the other guy.

I've been through a similar situation recently. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years but when i moved to Uni I started talking and liking this other guy. I ended up really confused and at one point split up with my boyfriend before realising it was a mistake. The guy in question turned out to be a complete idiot but I always wonder what could have happened/what would it be like now if things had turned out differently. All I can say is that people sometimes like someone else when in a relationship, particularly a long-term one, but sometimes its more the excitement. Thats what I found with me...I don't miss this guy, I miss the excitement it brought and that makes me feel a little better

I hope this helps a little