Online dating- questions

[Vevit]

Awhile back ,sometime near the end of sophmore year(In the middle of junior year now) I met a girl on Hatena, a flipnote creating site on the dsi. After finding we had many and strange things in common we started to date. In the time we spent talking each other,Ive talked her out of "cutting" habits, and throwing out her suicide plans. We have been in one fight that lasted days on end becouse of a misunderstanding on my part.

Details on the relationship...

-Im 16 and shes 15, 16 in a few days

-Every night, assuming their is no internet problems, we chat at 9:30.

-Ive talked to her on the phone once.

-At first, I lived an hour from her, and since I moved its only 30 minutes.However, its across state lines.

-I once went to a parade her band was in becouse she asked me to, meaning I was a few steps away from her, but not able to actuatly meet up with her.

-Her parents dont allow her to have a boyfriend.

-we have seen pictures of each other.


Now on to the questions I have-

-Is it safe? Can I trust her to be who she says she is?

-Is this sort of relationship healthy?Is it socially exeptable?

-I want to meet her and she the same with me. If we have the chance it would be at the mall,bringing one of our friends with us. Is this a smart choice of action?


Im dont think im going to break up with her, no matter the answers I get,becouse she has given me a reason to try harder in school and not quit life after highschool and actually go to college.Im trying to decide if this can count as a serious relationship, and if its going to work out.

[Harmony♥]

-Is it safe? Can I trust her to be who she says she is?

Generally speaking, I'd say no. You've never met in person, and have never Skyped or video chatted, so you have no idea if pictures match up to the person you're talking too. Why don't you try asking her to Skype or Google chat with you (Google+ has a free video chat feature, and it's much like Facebook). I'm an advocate for online safety, so being able to speak to her over webcam would pretty much confirm OR deny who she is.

-Is this sort of relationship healthy?Is it socially exeptable?

This relationship could be healthy. Who cares if it's socially acceptable or not. It's what YOU both want. Nobody should have a say or influence upon your decisions on whom you date. Since you mentioned her parents won't let her have a boyfriend, this could pose a problem, so I suggest if you want to keep this relationship, you have it remain a secret in terms of her parents. But, you communicate well, and speak often. I'd try speaking more often on the phone. She could explain that you're a friend from school, and you are both in the same class and talk about homework and such on the phone to her parents if they get suspicious. As long as you both make an effort, this relationship can be both healthy AND socially acceptable.

-I want to meet her and she the same with me. If we have the chance it would be at the mall,bringing one of our friends with us. Is this a smart choice of action?

This is a smart action only because you've decided to include a friend. If you don't get a chance to speak over video chat, and you're still skeptical on trusting her on she says she is, bringing a friend along is very wise. Usually, if someone is contemplating meeting someone they've met online, I was advise to bring a friend, preferably a male friend (whether it be male or female). That way, if your girlfriend turns out to be a 40 year old man, you won't be alone and you have better chances of getting out of the situation. Also, meeting in a crowded place like the mall is also a smart idea. Little to no chances of things going wrong, and if things are okay, plenty of things to do so chances are it won't get awkward for the first meeting.

Best of luck!

[Chris]

Is it safe? Can I trust her to be who she says she is?

I'm split two different ways with this question. I agree with Shannon with saying a Skype or a Goggle Chat should be done soon. But the other part of me thinks that since she has invited you to her band concert type thing - that she is at least trying. But Since I do work for a local police department going through training, I do have to say that it is not safe, and a online cam session would be best. If after that you think it is ok, then maybe arrange meeting somewhere in PUBLIC or maybe go to another band function. First few times of meeting her (which is bound to happen), I would say stay in public as much as you can just in case.

Is this sort of relationship healthy?Is it socially acceptable?

I know alot of people with similar situations that have met online. I personally believe that it isn't as healthy as a person you lived down the street from, but keep in mind that you only leave 30 minutes away - so I would say that if both of you keep a great effort that it could be healthy. I also think that it is socially acceptable due to ALOT of relationships and friendships starting online - internet is a huge part of relationships now.

I want to meet her and she the same with me. If we have the chance it would be at the mall,bringing one of our friends with us. Is this a smart choice of action?

Yes, the more people you have around the first few times, the better it will go safety wise. I would being a few friends, and have it in a Public area.

Best wishes,
Chris