I'm so confused and hurt I don't know what to do...

[Rehmeh321]

I have been in my relationship for almost a year now. He likes to party a lot more than I do. He goes out to get drunk etc. I use to be really upset when he would get drunk but life is to short and I just want him to have fun. The one thig that I am so against is smoking weed. He would every now and then at parties before we got together an promised me he would stop for our relationship. But I recently caught him smoking weed at his house at a party. When he knew he got caught he held me and cried being very apologetic. Then 30 min later I caught him again smoking weed. I cried and cried. I didn't know what to do. He said he was drunk an couldn't control what he did. The next day I told him our relationship couldn't last if he keeps smokin weed. He didn't say anythig back. I finally said to him that I was going to leave him. He then said the reason he couldn't say he would stop is because he doesn't know what he does when he gets drunk and he never wants to have to lie to me again. Because I really do believe he is my soul mate and so does he. I love him do much. But when he told me he couldn't say he would stop bec he didn't want to lie I didn't know I I should tke that ad a good thing or not. I thought it was so sweet that he wants to do anything to not lie to me again but at the same time I'm so so hurt that he smokes weed every now and then I just want to cry. I don't know what to do. I feel like if I ever left him I couldn't go on because this is the one. And he feels the same way. I just don't know what to do. I'm so against weed. But I don't want to lose him.

[Aletheia*]

You may be against weed, but it's something he enjoys. We can't keep our loved ones from doing things they enjoy unless it's beginning to take over their life. It doesn't sound like smoking weed is becoming an every day thing for him. You say he does it every now & then at parties. This doesn't sound so bad when you think about it. He was also honest with you.

You need to make a decision as to what's more important to you: Your boyfriend or the fact that he has begun smoking weed again.

[Chris.]

I agree with Shannon 100%.

I understand, as I am against weed 100% as well - however I have had past girlfriends who have smoked, but we would always limit the amount they smoked. So maybe start up a deal with him. I'm not saying control him or be all over him and be obsessive. I'm saying maybe figure out a deal process that he only smokes weed twice a month so that you don't get so upset. And maybe when you know he is smoking weed you try to go other things to do where you aren't around and aren't exposed to it so that way there you aren't bound to get too upset about it - and so you dont really think about him doing it.

If you really love him, and he really loves you - you guys will find a happy medium


Best wishes,
Chris

[Jennifer]

I know it's a tough choice not every one is pro weed. But I had an ex that was into meth to the extreme took me on drug runs--yeah. I told him me or the drugs and he told me he didn't want "rules". I thought we were going to be together forever. But the truth is in the end it wasn't something I wanted to do. But as others have said you need to find out what is more important and if he's not doing weed all the time and does it occasionally at parties. it's better to figure if that's what you want to be around.