Proposed to and confused

[Tigerlily.]

Okay, obviously I'm 15, first of all, in the end, my decision is mine and I would prefer answers to be as little about age as possible. You see, I'm explaining this without using names to keep it personal.

So we'll say there is A, B, C and D. I've had a one night stand with A before, B and I had feelings for each other and I haven't ever met C. And D is my current long distance girlfriend of 13 months today. Well A and B are friends with benefits now, but A just found out she is 2 and a half months pregnant with C's baby, they are now engaged, he is seriously into polygamy and they don't mind because A still likes B, so A, B and C are all in this giant engagement, all are engaged. Well A proposed to me 2 days ago and I said I needed time to think, I needed time to soak everything A and B told me that day in, from the pregnancy to the engagements, to the proposal.

I have feelings for A, B and D. I am very seriously considering accepting this proposal. Again please try to leave age out of this to a point. I've done the pro and con lists, it doesn't work, all get the exact same amount on everything. To be honest, I'm alright with the idea of polygamy. And even though I'd be entering an engagement with not only 3 people, but also one of them being pregnant, I'm okay with that. They're all 16, everyone I've mentioned is except me.

I don't know exactly what I'm asking, I mean in the end I'm going to make a decision best for me, either way, there are negatives. With D, I've never even seen her in real life, or with A, B and C, I've not seen him yet and I'd already be a helping hand in parenting at 15. I'm just confused and I know that no one can really put themselves in a situation like this. I guess maybe just support that I can make the right decision. No matter how many people tell me I should be with the multi-person relationship, I can't help but feel it's what I want, but then again I don't know. Maybe just some support?

[PlayingPretend]

Personally, I think this is a huge decision to make at this age. As much as I hate to say it, I can't help but let age play a factor. When I was in high school, and from seeing my sister's peer groups and also the threads around TH... A lot of people at your age tend to face the issue of having feelings for 2+ different people, and I think a lot of people at your age tend to think they're ready for the responsibilities that come with marriage, parenting, or, in this case, a polygamous relationship, and I think a lot of people at your age end up being wrong. Yes, there are the exceptions. Some people get married young and stay married, but even then, only a handful of those people actually continue being happy.

I personally think this is a bad idea, and not only because you'd be babies raising babies, but because this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. It seems like the two got engaged cause he knocked her up, and neither one of them wants to give up their more adventurous sexual lifestyle. You shouldn't have to sit here questioning what you want or making posts on TH or talking to anyone about it. It's similar to when people post threads on the Sex & Puberty forum. "Am I ready to have sex?" Nerves are natural, but if you have to ask for support or opinions or for what you should do, if you are so confused as that you need to make a pros and cons list, then I do not think you are ready to be engaged to anyone at all.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by PlayingPretend

Personally, I think this is a huge decision to make at this age. As much as I hate to say it, I can't help but let age play a factor. When I was in high school, and from seeing my sister's peer groups and also the threads around TH... A lot of people at your age tend to face the issue of having feelings for 2+ different people, and I think a lot of people at your age tend to think they're ready for the responsibilities that come with marriage, parenting, or, in this case, a polygamous relationship, and I think a lot of people at your age end up being wrong. Yes, there are the exceptions. Some people get married young and stay married, but even then, only a handful of those people actually continue being happy.

I personally think this is a bad idea, and not only because you'd be babies raising babies, but because this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. It seems like the two got engaged cause he knocked her up, and neither one of them wants to give up their more adventurous sexual lifestyle. You shouldn't have to sit here questioning what you want or making posts on TH or talking to anyone about it. It's similar to when people post threads on the Sex & Puberty forum. "Am I ready to have sex?" Nerves are natural, but if you have to ask for support or opinions or for what you should do, if you are so confused as that you need to make a pros and cons list, then I do not think you are ready to be engaged to anyone at all.

I completely agree with this. It sounds like you are still on the fence about this engagement, which really means that it probably isn't best to go through with it unless you are completely sure about it and have no doubts. You don't want to regret this down the line, and I know you said not to incorporate age, but you are only 15. That is a big decision that could effect your whole future. I think its best to wait to see if this could really work out.

[Aletheia*]

It does sound like your a little iffy about this engagement. I would be too. I'm going to do my best to leave out the age, since I was "engaged" at that age as well. Obviously, things didn't work out, and I hate to say it, but I doubt things would work out for you either. There is plenty of life ahead of you to start making seriously huge decisions like this one. Not to mention, polygamy is illegal (correct me if I'm wrong). Marrying multiple people isn't healthy. There is a chance that jealousy rages within all of you, and that isn't healthy. This whole idea isn't healthy for you. Marriage is meant to be between two people, not 2+ people.

The decision is of course, yours, but I wouldn't recommend going through with it. You'd have to wait until you're 18 anyway, and a lot can happen between now and then. You may realize that you don't have feelings for them anymore, and that would be a lot harder than actually going through with an engagement, and marriage.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Honestly, it really sounds like you are not ready to make this decision. Not because of your age, but because this proposal has come completely out of the blue. How can you possibly decide that you are ready to marry three people, when you've never been in a proper romantic relationship with two of them and you've never even met the third? It just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

At this stage, it doesn't sound like the other people in the relationship have thought through their feelings properly either. It could very well end up that C and A break up before the child is even born (as it happens with most teenage couples). What would that mean for you then? What would it mean if C says that he doesn't want you in the relationship? What would it mean if one of you ended up becoming jealous?

You shouldn't get engaged just because it feels like what you want. Getting married is far more serious than that. Before you get engaged, you should sit down and talk about all the issues that might come up in the future - money, children, careers, sex. A lot of people don't. And most of them end up divorced a few years down the line because they didn't discuss the most basic issues before getting married. In your case, you would have to come to agreements with three other people. My fiance and I have spent hours discussing these issues and it is only the two of us; I can't imagine how impossible it would be to come to a decision with four people. Someone (probably more than one) would always be unhappy. That's no way to have a relationship.

If it was me, I would wait several years to make this decision. In most Western places, you can't get married without parental permission until you are 18 anyway, so don't agree to anything just yet. Give yourself a lot of time to process all of this rather than just following your feelings straight away.

[blumemusik♫]

I agree with everyone else.
I'd try not to let age play a factor, but it has to. It would be so different if you were older, with more life experience. But at the age you are now, chances are the engagements would fall apart before you were legally allowed to get married anyway. With decisions like this, if you're confused, it's probably best to say no.
<3

[theawesomeman]

Ok you have two options here.
The first is being in the A, B, C relationship. If you go with that one you would be making a huge commitment for a bad relationship. You say that with A, B, C you have never met them. One asked you to marry them but, if im understanding this you haven't even met them. You can not be in a relationship let alone marry people you haven't met. Another reason you can not do this is because one has a BABY and it's not yours. This might not be a big deal if the other person that "made" the baby wasen't in the relationship but, they are. Do you even know how akward that will be.
The relationship with D sounds the best. It is long distance which adds excitement every time you see them. Everything else with the D relationship sounds great. If I were you this is the relationship I would pick. I'm not you though, so you can do whatever you want and whatever you pick I wish you the best of luck.

[Tigerlily.]

Thanks, and I know it has to play a factor, that's why I specified "as little as possible" so I didn't get 10 answers all just saying, "You're too young." And I agree, I'm just going to leave it at a no for now.