Heart breaking friendship.

[Suicide Silence Repp]

I have been friends with a girl for a very long time, and that's all it ever was. We each had separate relationships, dated other people, but we always remained close. A few months back, she broke up with her boyfriend of 11 months and I was literally heart broken just to see her in so much pain, and I did what ever I could to make her feel happier, I hung out with her a lot and we became basically best friends.. Until the other week. We went to the beach one night with a few friends.. We sat at a camp fire and they all left. And we kissed. It was awkward but special at the same time, we talked it over and I said that we should stay friends, I think she wanted more.. we haven't talked much since that night and it's hurting so bad just to not be able to talk to her like we used to as best friends.. I'm not sure what I want to do.. I've been friends with her for so long but ever since this morning I've been thinking about her all day and want to spend time with her but I don't want a relationship with her at the same time for risk of losing the amazing friendship.. Do I ignore her? I can't face even texting her at the moment.. Help me please

[Amber]

Ignoring her would definitely not be the best idea. What makes you think if you got together with her that it would ruin the friendship? You need to go and talk to her and tell her how you feel. Let her know that you still value your friendship and that you don't want to ruin it by dating each other. My mother once told me that a friend is better than a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Your friend will always be there, your relationship might get stronger or weaker but no matter what, they'll always be by your side. A boy/girlfriend could be gone at any moment. So cherish any friendship that you have.

[DutchWelshWolf]

Totally agree with Amber.

After splitting from my boyfriend today (we were close friends before, but we were doing a test run of a relationship...nothing serious...no one is hurt), we both decided it wasn't worth taking the risk and so we discontinued our relationship, because we realised our friendship was worth more and would last more than a relationship of girlfriend/boyfriend. So we're just going to carry on being friends.

Don't ignore her though. I think you should tell her that you don't want to risk losing the friendship.

[Aletheia*]

Of course, there is always a risk that dating would ruin a perfectly good friendship if it were to end. There is no doubt about it, but why not take a chance? I can tell you really care about this girl, and the worst ending is that the relationship doesn't work out. Just because the relationship doesn't work out doesn't mean that the friendship wouldn't continue afterward. It may take some time for both of you, but the friendship could still remain intact. You just need to figure out if a relationship would be worth it, or if you think you should just remain friends. Ignoring her wouldn't be good since yes, it may have been awkward, but if it was special, you should try to give it a shot. Make some boundaries beforehand, like if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you'll both make an effort to keep the friendship good, even if the relationship wasn't.

[Chris.]

The best thing I think you should do is talk to her. Communication is key and if you fail to communicate - chances are this friendship of yours wont last very long. I would maybe write her a note, or a text and tell her that you miss her, and you love her but you just want to stay friends and you just want a friendship. I think that if you open up, and communicate with her and tell her what you want that she will start talking to you again.

If not, then there really is no other thing to do but to let it be. Don't force yourself into a relationship that you don't want. If you feel you only want a friendship, then stick to it.


Best wishes,
Chris