Feeling down with my new bf with what he said?

[SamMarie]

I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. My bf is 19 in College and I'm 17, Senior in High School. We have both had our "first puppy loves" in the past. His lasted 9 months and mine lasted for only 7 months. We both lost our virginity to our previous exes.

Point is, we were having a disagreement about something that wasn't really a big deal, but he brought up his ex in the situation. And yes, we both have been crushed by our firsts. He told me, "The only reason that that girl was so important to me was because she always knew when I was down and I never had that before." We both talked about exes, so, it wasn't just a random comment.

For some reason, when he told me that.. I feel like I can't accomplish that now. I really wish I was talented enough to do that, but unfortunately, I'm normally oblivious and we live about 35 minutes away from each other by car. So, it's not like I can be there all the time like I want to even if we're not that far from each other. I want to be better or at least the same like that ex he had. I want to be that "best friend" that he had like that ex gave him that was so important to him at the time. I feel like I have to have the same qualities and I know my bf isn't implying that at all.

I am happy with him and I know he's happy with me too. We're both really a great couple. I'm just so confused. :l

[Chris.]

Tell him how you feel about what he said. Why? because he will tell you that he cares about you, and that he loves you, and that you don't need to compare yourself to the past - and thats exactly what I'm about to tell you. Don't compare yourself from the past - because then it makes you confused, and then it just brings negativity into the relationship.

You are Happy.

He is Happy.

End of story. If you both care about each other and you both are happy, then don't dwell on what you cant do - but yet focus on what you bring to the table. obviously you are someone special to him if he is going out with you and not the ex still. So you are bringing something to the table that she wasn't and thats why the relationship is lasting. You may not know what it is, but sometimes we don't know what it is - but we really don't care as long as we love the other person.

Be happy that you have a wonderful boyfriend, and be happy that you have a healthy relationship. Bring positive things into the relationship - bring yourself into the relationship. The ex is just that - the ex.


Best wishes,
Chris

[SamMarie]

I just don't want to stir up anything - you're right. We both are happy with each other. I have definitely brought something to the table that I can't even describe how or why it makes him want me so much. He said he was "scared" to be in a serious relationship even though we have both committed to one. Neither of us want an immature relationship that's for sure. We have both had our fair share of immature ones. I love him.

Thank you, Chris. (:

[Aletheia*]

Don't compare yourself to his ex. You don't want to be anything like her. You want to be like you. I take it this is a new relationship, so you might not see all the signs of him being 'down' as he put it. These things take time, and since you don't see each other often, it's normal to not see those signs right away or at all.

You're both happy, and you can't let this get to you. What he had with his ex is the past, and I'm sure his comment had nothing to do with the fact that you aren't like her and he wants you to be. He was simply just making a comment. Don't feel down. Get up and be happy, and enjoy your new relationship.

[SamMarie]

Thanks, Shannon. You're right. I do want be like me. I guess if I was like her, he wouldn't want me. I shall enjoy the relationship. After all, we are happy! Thanks guys <3