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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Baxter Offline
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Does closure help? - January 1st 2012, 07:59 PM

This is so embarrassing and personal... but like, I need someones opinion on what to do here. I didn't know where else to go for help besides TH..Sorry for the length.

About 5 or 6 months ago I met this girl who I thought was really cute, so we started talking and hanging out. I was super like, can't-get-out-of-bed-depressed, and she made me feel so much better. It was pretty obvious we liked each other, but I didn't really have the balls to do anything, so one day she just asked to kiss me out of the blue, and we started going out. It sounds so strange, but I enjoyed our first kiss more than sex. It was the summer, and neither of us had anything to do, so we literally spent all day, almost every day together. It wasn't really going out on dates as it was hanging out and being intimate. We would just play fight, have sex and cuddle all day. It wasn't even lustful sex, it was more exploring each others bodies. Looking back now, I wonder how we never got bored of each other, or ran out of thing to say, considering the amount of time we spent together. There were time we talked for hours without a pause in the conversation. We spoke for 9 hours straight on MSN once when she went away for 2 days. I had only known this girl a month (a lot of time compressed into a month, but still) and she was already like, my best friend...I honestly thought I loved her. I've never met anyone in my whole life that made me feel the way she did. We talked about future stuff, and she said how she isn't sure if she wants a relationship yet 'cause she just got out of a bad one, and I said I was fine with that, because I didn't want one. I was dating another girl at the time, didn't want to be like, committed, and was trying way too hard to be a player. I totally just regret that now, obviously.

I stopped talking to like, any other girl eventually and just spent all my time with her. We started school, and we went to different schools, so we started talking less and less. It got down to a once a week thing. I was constantly on MSN waiting for her to come on, checking my phone every 10 seconds, I was obsessed with her. We saw each other less, until we only spoke on MSN and by text. Eventually, she told me how a friend of hers asked her out on a date, how she didn't really like him and was just pitying him. But, a few days later she said he kissed her, and they're now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. When I eventually got up the courage to say I can't talk to her anymore because I still liked her, and I wasn't going to be one of those guys who likes their friend. She said she didn't think I still liked her, and that was it.

We spoke a few times on and off, I don't know if I was being too sensitive, or if she was trying to rub it in my face, but she told me so many times how happy she was with him, and only talked about him. She just started to talk to me every day on MSN suddenly (she initiated most of it), and was just super-flirty for some reason. We hung out again, and she put her arms around my neck like we were a couple. She sat on my lap and would grind and giggle. It was just like how it was again. We didn't kiss, but we came close when she did bite my bottom lip and pulled...I was too much in shock to do anything. I should have told her she had a boyfriend now, what the hell was she doing, but I was just desperate I guess. She made me feel like "that way" again, and I didn't want to ruin it. Obviously, she just cut off all contact randomly one day, and we didn't talk for another month. What the hell, is she just like, the biggest emotional cock tease ever? When we did see each other, I made such an effort to talk again, but it was awkward and forced. I didn't want to appear 'needy', so I would just sit on MSN while she was online, hoping she would contact me, which she never did. Makes me realize how desperate and pathetic that was now.

I've dated a few other girls the past few months to try to get over this girl. Some not as attractive, some more attractive than her. I wouldn't say my girlfriend now is anywhere as cute as this old girl was, but she's definitely hotter. If that makes any sense. She's a virgin, while the old girl had dated around quite a bit - Despite that, the old girl seemed like the most innocent human being ever, which I think is why I liked her so much. I mean, she wore hello kitty underwear. My girlfriend now is kind of tomboy-ish (which I kind of love), has lots of problems, and almost needs a constant reassurance that I like her, despite the fact that she's so out of my league. Even I can tell now, I'm constantly comparing every girl to this girl who, I'm pretty sure as far as she's concerned, only had a summer fling with me. I've dated girls before, I've had long term girlfriends before, and I've never felt this way about any of them. I'm totally getting mushy here, but just the way she made me feel when I was around her and when I spoke to her. I've never felt that way before in my entire life, let alone because of another human being. I can't even explain it, it was like an unknown alien feeling I experienced. And yeah, it was the best thing I've ever felt in the world.

So yeah. I doubt she felt the same way about me, and I doubt she even thinks of me, but we just kind of drifted apart from each other, there wasn't any real like, end to it. We never talked about a lot of things either. It always felt like, and feels like, there was so much that wasn't said - should I just spill my guts to this girl to make me feel better and have me get over it? I clearly am not. Did I actually like her, or was she just playing me like a fiddle? My girlfriend asked me if I'm over this girl. I lied and said yes...

I haven't had any sign of her in about a month. She's changed numbers, go's to a different school than me. Should I email her? I don't want to initiate a conversation for fear of looking pathetic, desperate and needy again. Does that mean I still have some deluded thought that we could possibly be together, since I care what she thinks of me? I don't even know what to say to her besides just spilling my guts out about all this. Will it even make me feel better, or will it only make things worse?

And sorry for typing so much, holy shit. I can't believe someone reading all that
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
overlord207 Offline
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Re: Does closure help? - January 1st 2012, 10:51 PM

I am sorry, I feel the same way right now. gl
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Does closure help? - January 1st 2012, 11:34 PM

I would advise dumping your current girlfriend if you aren't fully committed to her, right now. It's not fair for you to be in a relationship where you couldn't fully commit because you're hung up on someone else. It's not fair for your current girlfriend since you CAN'T commit to her, and if she were to find out about this, I'm sure she wouldn't take it very lightly. This is entirely up to you, but it would be a wise thing to do at this point until you've moved on from this girl.

Spilling out your feelings and getting it all out there would probably help. Closure really does help. You can't find a reason why this girl was blowing you off, so it's best to find out that reason. Once you've found out, you'll find it easier to move on from her, and you can have relationships with other girls who care about you, and only you.

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
msfsteven Offline
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Re: Does closure help? - January 1st 2012, 11:50 PM

First of all, why? Why would you make me read such a long post?
Do you realize what YOU have done?! HOW DARE YOU. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
(Haha not really, I'm just kidding)

I think closure would help you so much. I know how it feels to like someone so much for such a long period of time,
then you stop talking and they don't seem like be as... wanting of you as you want them. It's not nice and it made me
feel like I was wasting their time and my time. I wouldn't want to look needy or anything either, especially when they aren't.

I think closure would probably help you a lot. It might help you to move on, and it would also be better for your relationship.
(It probably isn't good to keep things away from your GF or BF) Having closure can help you move on and find someone who cares
about you just as much as you can about them. Yeah. Closure would help. I'm realizing that now, actually.

Anyway, hope I helped, good luck!
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