Friend, boyfriend, help?

[Ambiance]

So, my situation is kind of weird. I was seeing my first boyfriend for a while and we broke up a couple times at the beginning of this last school year; I broke up with him, because he seemed totally indifferent to our relationship. I think on some level us being long-distance hurt his connection with me. But, the thing is that, he would act so completely distant and make mean jokes to me and just act with total disregard for my feelings... I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, and I guess really.. I hadn't. Right when we started having problems, one of my guyfriends told me he was in the same situation with his girlfriend. From the things he told me, and like everyone else in our friend group has observed... she's kind of unfair to him. But, anyway.. he and I kind of ended up "talking", without anyone really meaning to. We didn't talk about dating or anything, and simultaneously, we both wanted to stay with our significant others. I really don't need to hear about how I shouldn't interfere with their relationship; I do know what social conduct dictates, but feelings get in the way occasionally. Anyway, it never exceeded to anything, it was just some prolonged light flirting.

I got back with the first guy recently; we had broken up for two weeks, been "seeing each other" for about two months, and finally he wanted to get back into an official relationship. I told him that I wouldn't put up with him being a jerk to me this time, he told me he was sorry and he wouldn't and he loved me and blahblahblah, and I told him that I wanted a positive relationship. Problem: He's just not a very positive person. Things were good for like a week since we've been "official" but the past couple days... he just kind of acted the way he used to the other times I broke up with him. He said mean jokes with a complete "I don't give a f*ck" attitude, and gave me very emotion-less, "I love you too"'s, and "Yeah, miss you too." I love him, and I've been very adament to hang on for a long time, but this is getting ridiculous.

So, the friend? I've been feeling bad about it. I felt like I needed a way to make sure that our friendship was just a friendship, but the truth is that we got really close and kind of went to each other for emotional support. I wanted to just switch off my feelings, and I wouldn't ever have cheated or helped him cheat, but he had come to be a big part of my life and I didn't know how to cut him out of it. So, when my boyfriend started being rude these past couple days, I completely cried for like hours. It might seem like an overreaction, but I've been down this road sooo many times before, it was really horrific to think things were heading that direction. So, when my friend asked me what was wrong, I told him. And he basically told me, "You're awesome, and you're one of my best friends, and I totally would have dated you if we hadn't both ended up with other people. However, me and my girlfriend have magically fixed all of our problems over the course of one week, and I can't stand the thought of losing her even though she has currently placed my testicles in a small jar by her night stand. I wish the best for you and your boyfriend, but you'll still be awesome if things don't work out."

So, this seems like a really great way to handle the situation. It was, in all honesty, I think we needed to address the situation eventually. But it hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I think I developed more serious feelings for him than he did for me. He said something friendly to me in the hallway yesterday, to which I could barely manage to respond, and I've been totally avoiding him since we had that conversation. I think I'm just really embarrassed; I feel like he told me to knock it off or something. In truth, even if we had gotten together, I don't think it would have ever been serious; I don't really know what it is I wanted from him, I just know I had feelings.. Mostly, I guess I feel uncomfortable that we finally addressed what was going on and drew the lines out... I know I need to just get over him, and it's not like I was in love with him or anything. It's just hard not to have a small crush on him. :/ So I've solved the issue by.. not talking to him.. which also sucks because I feel like I'm making the friendship weird. How can I get comfortable with being friends with him again?

Annd my boyfriend. I love him, there's no question about it. But we've had the same problems so many times for at least a year. On some level, I feel like he doesn't treat me the way he should at times. I feel like he's not a very positive person, and he's changed since we first started dating; he called it his balls dropping, I call it when he stopped treating me like the most amazing person ever. Really, I feel that the things I've asked of him are things that would help him as well. But that's a fancy way of saying I've asked him to change; and in a way, it's not fair of me to expect that.

I don't want to accept that it's over. Because in all truth, the minute we broke up last time, I couldn't give a flying crap about the guy friend because I missed my boyfriend so much. I don't know how to gauge when I've tried to handle too much, though. And something I haven't told him is that I really plan on moving out of state for college; like, I really just feel like I have to get out of here. I'm just slowly feeling less of that feeling that's like.. my world will cease to exist without him, and more of that, "I want to meet new people, see new things." Him getting me to make this a really committed thing was already a long stretch kind of, considering the way I feel about people in general (I usually feel that you can get over just about anyone), but on days when he just kind of acts like I'm not that great... it's REALLY a long stretch.

I'm a hopeless idiot, and I don't know what to do about anything at all.

[Nicole!]

I think the reason why you started developing feelings for your guy friend was because you two can relate to each other which caused you to get really close. The fact that he knew what you were going through and could help comfort you was probably a really great thing.
Couples will always have their problems, but whats important is if you can get through them together, which seems to be what happened to your friend.
You are right, ignoring him will make things awkward. Just remember that you love your boyfriend and that your friend is already taken. You don't have to be as close as before, but just saying hi in the hallways can help keep things neutral.
As for your boyfriend, remind him when he starts to seem like he doesn't care. He obviously knows how you want him to act, but doesn't seem to be willing to put in the effort. It may just be his personality to act like that, but he should treat you the way you deserve to be treated, you shouldn't ever feel like he is being mean or doesn't care.
I think if you have tried to be with him this many times and nothing has changed, it may be time to finally just end it. Do what you are doing to your friend, don't talk to your boyfriend until you get over him. It will be hard, but you deserve someone who will make it known that they love you.

[Ambiance]

Thanks for the advice!

Well, I started talking to my friend again today. It's just... different, because we both drew the boundaries where we wanted them and said we wanted our relationships to work out, and he had to go and acknowledge that there was flirting going on >.> So, I'm afraid to just talk comfortably or liberally again because I don't want to cross any boundaries that would make him uncomfortable or be unfair on my boyfriend... I'm a little confused. He told me all of that stuff like one day after he'd been asking me to go to a party last weekend, and offering to let me stay at his house..? :s Not that weird because I'm friends with his sister, but like.. Idk. He seemed pretty friendly that day, and now we've just up and quit texting and getting each other's attention in the hallway. Maybe it'll just take time before the friendship feels normal again?

And my boyfriend... I think things are okay with him. I've worked up the guts in myself to make sure that I'll leave him if things flee south once again, and just suck it up and be single for as long as I have to. I love him, we just had our two year anniversary, and though I really have seen the issues we might have, he's treated me really well recently and I do want things to go over well.

[Nicole!]

Your friend may just be shifting around with what he wants right now. He probably realized it would be inappropriate for you to stay over when you have a boyfriend.
It will take some time for your relationship to feel comfortable again. Don't hold back when talking to him, just make sure you aren't flirting. If one of you starts to flirt, then change the subject or say you have to go.
It will get easier with time