**NEW USER** Need advice on relationship problems! All help is greatly appreciated!!

[GCCBrian]

Hey guys, as it says in the title, I am a new user and this is my first post. I've been having this issue since 5th grade, and nothing has ever changed. Instead of making the story short and half *ssing it, i'm going to go ahead and type this whole story, so it would give you a better knowledge of what I should do.. I apologize if it's too long for others, but I do appreciate all of the advice you guys give me.. Please don't leave something stupid like, "forget her, or "**** the ***** and leave her", because I really do have feelings for this girl, and I want to work things out between her and I.



Story:

In 8th grade, I liked a girl named Stephanie, and she is the sweetest girl any guy can meet. Growing up, in middle school I went from liking girls for there looks, to actually liking a girl for who she is.. Anyways, Stephanie was a girl that I really liked for who she is, she is the sweetest, and nicest girl anyone can meet, and to this day she still is and always will be. I told her I liked her, and I honestly was an idiot for not talking to her in person, instead I decided to just be an idiot and tell her how much I liked her etc, and that was by far the biggest mistake of all of it. Anyways, I went through 8th grade just liking her, and at the end of the year I gave her a necklace with a variety of candy's on it, and she gave me a hug. Being as shy as I was, I was nervous when she did it, and walked away with her friend laughing. But, being the nice girl that she was, she said "Thank you Brian!" and put it on, sharing the candy with her friends..

My first day of High school, I was very nervous. I met some new friends, but decided to hangout with those I hung out with in 8th grade. I got a new schedule, and I walked into my Social Studies class and introduced myself to the teacher. She told me to sit down a desk away from my friend, and so I did. While I sat there, patiently and eager to wonder who was the person who would sit next to me, I see two girls walk in, and I saw this beautiful girl, that has the prettiest eyes I've seen. I said to myself, "Please sit next to me!" and turns out, she sits right next to me, between my friend, and myself. The only thing that made things weird was, she never introduced herself, and so that day we turned out working together in pairs, and so I said "Hi, i'm Brian", and she did the same.

Once I went home, the first thing I did was add her on facebook. We talked a lot on facebook, and turns out this girl went to school with me in 5th grade, and she knew who I was the whole time! I totally forgot about her, and honestly never even knew her. I was talking to her, and I had to go, and so I said "Hey I have to go now, but feel free to text me if you'd like "xxx-xxx-xxxx" and so she said okay, and gave me her number. I texted her, and asked her for some advice on the whole stephanie situation, and she offered to help me.

She told me to hangout with her at lunch, and she would introduce me to her friends, and so I went there once and hungout with her friends, and for the first time in history I wasn't nervous at all meeting new people, she was right next to me, shoulder to shoulder and I was actually for once, the happiest I've ever been. That night, we chatted on facebook, and she invited me over her house, to hangout with her friends, and meet new people for halloween, and so I said that would be awesome, thanks! She told me where she lives (literally a block away from me), unfortunatly I wasn't able to make it to her house, and I didn't go to the party. The next day, we had school and she said, Brian, you never came! and I said im sorry i couldn't make it. I really really wished I went, and til this day I regret not going because of my ****ing family's halloween party. We talked and talked, and I was talking with my friends that lunch i never hungout with her for the third time, and my friend said hey, I heard megan gave ----- a Hand*ob. I didn't say a word, but deep down inside me, I got really mad, because my friend talking smack about a girl I care about isn't something that made me laugh, and so they looked at me like there was something wrong with me, and I just kept quiet. I went home, and texted her telling her the story, not giving names of who told me. I for the first time lied to her, ( I felt guilty lying ), saying I was walking and I heard someone said yada yada yada. And so she said who said it, and I told her i'd rather not say. She demanded for me to tell her who said it, or she wouldn't talk to me again, and I said if i tell you, im going to look bad, and I can't. She said, okay that's fine. I said to her " Megan, the reason why I tell you these things is because I care about you, and well i'm not going to lie to you, I kind of have a crush on you." She responded with, "Thanks, that's flattering." - I have no clue what this even means, being the idiot that I am.. Anyways, to speed this up a little, i never talked to her in person, I would always text her, she ended up stopped texting me in person, but would always talk to me in class, and we would always sit next to each other with the new seating charts we got, and would ALWAYS work together, for the whole year. When we would work together, I would be nervous to talk to her, and this became to increase and I got more nervous and nervous.

Anyways, sophomore year came around, and i didn't speak to her at all in person, I would text her but still no reply. I got drunk in the middle of the year, and called her telling her i finally have the balls to talk to her, and call her, and I explained to her how much I loved her, etc. Which was honestly the worst mistake i've done in my life, and til this day i've never taken a sip of alchohol because i've learned my lesson. I called my friends asking them if Megan was with them, and they said yes yes she is, called her, and put there phone to her phone and had her hear everything I said, which i don't remember at all. I left her tons of voicemails of me saying i love you, yada yada yada. GOing to school I was very embarassed, and I knew she was too. My friend said i'm sorry for doing what I did brian, and I couldn't speak to her because I had no clue how she'd react. My friend messaged me on facebook apologizing again, and said you need to apologize to her brian, she'll respect you for it. and so I went to school the next day, left class early to make sure i'll catch her first thing at her hangout spot, and I said, "Megan, I'm sorry for calling you drunk and saying all those things" my friend walked up in the middle of the conversation, and she said It's okay. I knew deep down inside, she didn't mean a single bit of it, and I honestly ****ed up so bad. That was the only conversation I had in person with her that year, and she never responded to any facebook or text messages.

My junior year is here (present) and I started the year off new, not texting her at all over the summer for maybe 2-3 times saying hey how's your summer with still no response, anyways, i broke the barrier a little by finally saying Hi megan or smiling at her everytime i see her walking or I walk by her, she will smile back, or maybe say hi, I haven't heard her say hi. But I really want to fix what is wrong, and she does have a boyfriend now, but I honestly do have very hard feelings for this girl, and she did help me through a lot. She hangs around alot of girls, and me and stephanie are very close friends now, and I can talk to her in person no problem now. unfortunatly she has a boyfriend too, but I just want to be with Megan.. I did swim season last year, and all of these lame @ss sports because I thought this would make me be friends with her, but I never had a pair to talk to her between any of it, and if it was it'd be like hey wanna help me cover the pool, etc. We would see each other during swim season, and one of the juniors (senior now) said all the girls in the locker room would talk about your body brian, all the girls like your body. Yes I have a six pack, yada yada yada and I said wow thanks, and she says yes you have a nice body, she would flirt with me a lot. but I didn't want to date her, because I like megan, and I honestly like this girl for who she is, because she did make me not commit suicide in 9th grade.. Anyways, i am still depressed and just want to fix this so I can be friends with her, and possibly even ask her out. I had a dream last night, of me asking her out in front of stephanie, and two other friends, and she responded no, my heart stopped and like restarted instantly, in the middle of my sleep, and i woke up just feeling like I was stabbed 50 times in the chest, and I couldn't sleep that night. I just honestly need to figure out how to fix this, and please all advice is greatly appreciated. She hangs around a lot of girls, and barely guys are there, but stephanie and two other friends i'm friends with (that are girls) are there, and I am nervous around those girls only (maybe because she's there) but when im there i get the feeling away. but still have that little nervous feeling of saying hi to her..

[Nicole!]

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp! You should introduce yourself in the Arrivals&Departures forum.
I know you probably weren't aware, but its against the rules to make a post in your own thread to 'bump' it to the top. It may take some time before getting a reply, but I promise that you will get at least one response. You can also check out our other ways of receiving advice, such as Chat or HelpLink.

It sounds like she was never interested in a relationship with you. I'm getting that from her just saying it was flattering when you told her that you had a crush on her. I think from then on, she wasn't quite sure how to act towards you. When you drunk called her and told her you love her, I think that overwhelmed her.
I think the best thing to do is to continue to say hi in the hallways, and then try and start a small conversation with her, such as asking how she is. Once that seems to get more comfortable, begin talking a bit more. Don't text her too often, you don't want to seem annoying. It might take awhile before you can repair your friendship, but for now I don't think asking her out is a good idea. I know you don't want to hear anyone saying to just give up, but you can't make someone have feelings for you. Just take it slow and just focus on being friends for now, and if that works out see where it goes afterwards.

[GCCBrian]

Originally Posted by Melody

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp! You should introduce yourself in the Arrivals&Departures forum.
I know you probably weren't aware, but its against the rules to make a post in your own thread to 'bump' it to the top. It may take some time before getting a reply, but I promise that you will get at least one response. You can also check out our other ways of receiving advice, such as Chat or HelpLink.

It sounds like she was never interested in a relationship with you. I'm getting that from her just saying it was flattering when you told her that you had a crush on her. I think from then on, she wasn't quite sure how to act towards you. When you drunk called her and told her you love her, I think that overwhelmed her.
I think the best thing to do is to continue to say hi in the hallways, and then try and start a small conversation with her, such as asking how she is. Once that seems to get more comfortable, begin talking a bit more. Don't text her too often, you don't want to seem annoying. It might take awhile before you can repair your friendship, but for now I don't think asking her out is a good idea. I know you don't want to hear anyone saying to just give up, but you can't make someone have feelings for you. Just take it slow and just focus on being friends for now, and if that works out see where it goes afterwards.

Well, telling her I have a crush on her, when i met her about 3-4 weeks ago ( at the time this happened ) probably wasn't the best move I could've made. She was probably thinking I was maybe going too fast for her and she didn't know how to react to it? I mean what can i do now, to make things better? Should I just act normal, and hangout with my friends that hangout around her, and start slow and just talk to her more? She has a boyfriend, but I do want to go out with her in the future. I really don't want to graduate high school and not want to see her again. I plan on calling this girl, and asking her out on dates, even if she moves away to a UC and comes home for break. As I said in the thread, she does live a block away from me, and I care about her a lot.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by GCCBrian

Well, telling her I have a crush on her, when i met her about 3-4 weeks ago ( at the time this happened ) probably wasn't the best move I could've made. She was probably thinking I was maybe going too fast for her and she didn't know how to react to it? I mean what can i do now, to make things better? Should I just act normal, and hangout with my friends that hangout around her, and start slow and just talk to her more? She has a boyfriend, but I do want to go out with her in the future. I really don't want to graduate high school and not want to see her again. I plan on calling this girl, and asking her out on dates, even if she moves away to a UC and comes home for break. As I said in the thread, she does live a block away from me, and I care about her a lot.

Definitely do what I put in bold. That is a really good idea, and probably the best thing to do right now.
I just want to forewarn you, its not always a good idea to wait around for someone in a relationship. Sure, you're young and relationships don't always work out, but what if they end up lasting a long time, or even forever! You will have wasted lots of time just waiting for her to become single and you could have missed lots of opportunities to date other girls who are just as great. Its easy to feel like she is the only girl who you ever can see yourself with, but give it some time and you'll see things differently when you get over her. And not only may they last for a long time, she may just only see you as a friend.

[GCCBrian]

Originally Posted by Melody

Definitely do what I put in bold. That is a really good idea, and probably the best thing to do right now.
I just want to forewarn you, its not always a good idea to wait around for someone in a relationship. Sure, you're young and relationships don't always work out, but what if they end up lasting a long time, or even forever! You will have wasted lots of time just waiting for her to become single and you could have missed lots of opportunities to date other girls who are just as great. Its easy to feel like she is the only girl who you ever can see yourself with, but give it some time and you'll see things differently when you get over her. And not only may they last for a long time, she may just only see you as a friend.

Yeah, well once I liked her, I still look back and have the same feelings for Stephanie as well (if you read the post above you'd understand). But these two girls, I really have feelings for, and are really the only two girls i'd even go out with. I'm into girls for who they are, and I haven't found any that are as nice as these two.

[Nicole!]

I did read the above but it wasn't quite clear that you were still interested in Stephanie.
Trust me, there will be other girls who are just as nice. It would be impossible for there to just be only two of them. You just need to start talking to new people and get to know some other girls. I'm sure you'll find they are quite nice as well.

[GCCBrian]

Originally Posted by Melody

I did read the above but it wasn't quite clear that you were still interested in Stephanie.
Trust me, there will be other girls who are just as nice. It would be impossible for there to just be only two of them. You just need to start talking to new people and get to know some other girls. I'm sure you'll find they are quite nice as well.

I'm sure I can, but I care about this girl so much that I owe her my life. After all if it wasn't for Megan I would've been so lost in my feelings I was going to commit suicide.

[Nicole!]

Well I think you should aim for just a friendship for now. Yes, she helped you a lot but that doesn't necessarily mean she will want a relationship with you. Just take it slow as you mend your friendship and don't try to rush her into anything.
Nobody knows how she will feel in the future though. Just remember to keep your mind open.

[GCCBrian]

Originally Posted by Melody

Well I think you should aim for just a friendship for now. Yes, she helped you a lot but that doesn't necessarily mean she will want a relationship with you. Just take it slow as you mend your friendship and don't try to rush her into anything.
Nobody knows how she will feel in the future though. Just remember to keep your mind open.

Okay and another thing she's had a boyfriend since like June 2011 and they broke up for a week or so and got back together like 2 months ago, why is she hiding all of his comments on her facebook page, and they don't have relationship status's? is this a sign of her losing interest? or what?

[Nicole!]

Well are they being open with their relationship or does it seem like sort of a secret? It may just be that they don't want to deal with everyone creating drama over their relationship. I can't tell you whether she is losing interest over some actions on Facebook sadly.

[GCCBrian]

Originally Posted by Melody

Well are they being open with their relationship or does it seem like sort of a secret? It may just be that they don't want to deal with everyone creating drama over their relationship. I can't tell you whether she is losing interest over some actions on Facebook sadly.

Still a little confused on why she's not interacting with me at all outside of talking in person. Like she won't even play a words with friends game with me, she just won't communicate with me at all unless its person to person. Why is this?

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by GCCBrian

Still a little confused on why she's not interacting with me at all outside of talking in person. Like she won't even play a words with friends game with me, she just won't communicate with me at all unless its person to person. Why is this?

I can't tell you why, only she will know the answer to this. The only way to find out is to talk to her about it.