TeenHelp - Tips on having a heterosexual girlfriend

Hey :]

First off, I'm so happy for you! It's awesome that you're excited about your new relationship and I'm sure you're both going to be really happy!

Hopefully I can say something helpful as I have been in the situation that your girlfriend is in? I "came out" (although I'm still not sure what as!) on TH way before I dared say anything to anyone in real life. My best friend, who is a lesbian, was the first person I told that I felt the same way about girls as I did about guys (yet for some reason I don't identify myself as bisexual). She was amazing about it and supported me through everything and - fast forward a year or so - we ended up getting together and I couldn't be happier.

For me the best thing my girlfriend did was support me. I still haven't come out to my family and many of my friends who know me as a heterosexual girl and I have never felt any pressure from my girlfriend to do so despite the fact that she is very open with her sexuality. Her family know that we are together and many of my friends do also, but she's never asked me to tell anyone I wasn't comfortable telling and has always been there to support me if I have told people. Even though I think she wants to make it publically official (put it on facebook and all that jazz) she would never do so without my permission, and never ask me to if I didn't want to. I think for you, patience will have to become your middle name! Give your girlfriend time to get used to everything and she will be very grateful!

Also I was so gratefully that she never pressured me sexually. I don't know if you guys are thinking of having sex or not and obviously I don't know how much experience your girlfriend has with heterosexual sex but if she has experience with boys, that doesn't mean she'll feel able to switch back in to an active sexual relationship with a girl. For me it felt like losing my virginity all over again because I was so unsure of what to do/how to do it/was it good etc. etc. etc. Additionally, if your girlfriend has limited sexual experience with guys as well then be even more careful as she will probably be nervous for twice as many reasons!

When I first realised I wasn't straight I had so many questions about things (gay stereotyping confused me for ages, I was in a gay club and someone called me a 'femme' and I had no idea what they were chatting about!). I was lucky that my girlfriend was always there for me to turn to and if I had questions she would answer them or ask her friends in the gay community to answer them for me. She was very understanding and I was (and am) very grateful for that!

I hoped that helped (it was a bit waffle-y, I'm sorry!) if you have any questions PM me and I'll try and help you out as best as I can! Good luck and congratulations again on your relationship!

Tegan :D